COMMON LIES IN A RELATIONSHIP.

He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and third time, till at length it becomes habitual; he tells lies without attending to it, and truths without the world's believing him. This falsehood of the tongue leads to that of the heart, and in time deprives all its good disposition.
THOMAS JEFFERSON, letter to Peter Carr, Aug. 19, 1785

According to an online dictionary lie implies a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.

It is not fun to think about the lies people tell to those they love. We all lie in one way or the other without considering the resultant effect of it. Lies destroy the trust in a relationship which can lead to break-up. Couples or partners try to hide and conceal lots of topics from each other. Some of which are:

Relational Issues

*Time Together - people lie about the reasons why they can't spend time together or see each other ("I am so busy, I have so much work to do, I don't have time right now")....

*Past Relationships - partners lie about their past level of involvement ("I never really loved her," "I am much closer to you," "I love you so much more than anyone else")...

*Feelings, Interest, Crushes, and Attraction to Others - people lie about their feelings and interest in others - often includes ex-partners, friends, someone at work...

*Secret Contact - lovers lie about their friendships, time spent with others, accidental encounters (running into ex), phone calls, e-mails, and text messages with others.

*Essentially people lie about intimate, but non-sexual contact with someone else...

*Level of Commitment – people lie about their feelings for partner, uncertainty or doubts about the relationship - not sure really love or want to marry partner or stay together...

*Flirting with Others - people lie about flirting with others...

*Betraying Confidences - lovers lie to each other about keeping secrets confidential...

*Hide Time with Others - people hide activities and time spent with others - usually friends or coworkers...


Sexual Issues

*Sexual Fantasies – lovers conceal having sexual fantasies about others during sex.  Or thinking about sex with someone else - usually the fantasy involves a partner's friend, family member, or a co-worker...

*Sexual Enjoyment - people lie about how good sex with partner is ("You're the best," "That was great!")...

*Sexual History - lovers lie about the number of past partners, unsafe sex practices, what they have and have not done with others, their virginity, having an abortion, childhood abuse...

*Infidelity and Cheating - spouses lie about having sex with other people... sometimes it involves issues of paternity (see, paternity testing)...

*Sexual Orientation - some people lie about same sex contact or interest...


Negative Thoughts

*Negative Feelings towards Partner's Family/friends - people lie about liking other people who are important to a partner...

*Negative Feelings about Partner's Physical Appearance - lovers lie about liking their partner's appearance, hair, weight, age, clothes...

*Negative Feelings about Partner's Career - people lie about liking or respecting their partner's job, school, career choices...

*Negative Feelings about Partner's Behavior/character - lovers lie about liking their partner's kids, habits, personality, sense of humor...

*Hide Other's Negative Feelings about Partner - people lie about other people's true feelings towards a partner (i.e., my family/friends don't like you)...


Negative Behaviors

*Drug Use - lovers lie about past or current drug use...

*Alcohol Consumption - partners lie about alcohol consumption...

*Smoking - people lie about smoking...

*Gambling - lovers lie about gambling...


Differences

*Hide Important Beliefs - lovers lie about true feelings on issues (i.e., politics, religion, pets) in order to get along with partner...

*Enjoyment of Activities - people lie about enjoying things a partner likes to do...


Financial Issues

*Resources - people lie about their income, resources, inheritance...

*Debt - lovers lie about their level of debit...
Spending Habits - people lie about how they spend money...


Insecurities

*Physical Appearance/health - people lie about age, weight, health...

*Jealously - lovers lie about being jealous and snooping...

*Career Performance - partners lie about how well work, school, career is going...

*Family and Friends - lovers lie to make family and friends seem better...

*Love and Emotions - people lie to their partners about feeling vulnerable, scared, and being overly emotional...

In closing
Always call a spade a spade. Don't tarnish your image through lies. Your reasons for lying are best known to you. But whatever the reasons might be, don't you think your partner getting to know the concealment might be disastrous? Be frank and express your real and unbiased intention. "My father always told me that what's wrong with lying is that it's an admission of weakness. If you're the strongest, you can afford to tell the truth." K. J. PARKER, Evil for Evil.


Best regards,
MA.