CHARACTERISTICS OF AN IDEAL SPOUSE.

Before looking into the traits of an ideal spouse, we need to know the meaning of an ideal spouse. The question then is, who is an ideal spouse? According to an online dictionary, an ideal spouse is a person considered to represent perfection.

There may be no such thing as the perfect spouse, but an ideal spouse can be found in someone who has developed themselves in certain ways that go beyond the surface. While we each seek out a specific set of qualities that is uniquely meaningful to us alone, there are certain psychological traits both you and your spouse can aim for that make the flame not only stronger, more passionate and more fulfilling, but also far less likely to die out the moment the clock strikes midnight.

Before getting married, try to figure out the following:

1. Maturity - One common criticism people make about their partners is that they need to “grow up.” What many of us fail to recognize is that growing up is not merely a matter of acting like an adult. Maturity is all about being grown up. To truly grow up means making an active effort to recognize and resolve negative influences from our past. An ideal partner is thus willing to reflect on his or her history and is interested in understanding how old events inform current behaviors. When people mature emotionally, they are less likely to re-enact or project past experiences onto their current relationships.

2. Basis of an attraction - I wouldn’t marry someone who I wasn’t attracted to in some significant way.  Now, everyone’s not going to marry an “intelligent queen”, but finding a person who you’re attracted to physically and mentally will “serve you well” throughout your marriage.

3. Honesty & Integrity
The ideal spouse realizes the importance of honesty in a close relationship. Honesty builds trust between people. Dishonesty confuses the other person, betraying their vulnerability and shattering their sense of reality. Nothing has a more destructive impact on a close relationship between two people than dishonesty and deception. I think. If you catch someone constantly being dishonest, this is certainly a “red flag” that something is very wrong. You should feel comfortable knowing that whatever your partner says is “true. Honesty is the best policy. The ideal partner strives to live a life of integrity so that there are no discrepancies between words and actions.

4. They’re different yet the same – It’s true that opposites attract, but it’s also true that birds of a feather flock together. It’s okay that your partner is “introvert” while you’re “extrovert." This differences will bring balance to your relationship. However, your core beliefs should remain the same.

5. Openness in communication – The ideal partner is open, undefended and willing to be vulnerable. No human being is perfect, so finding someone who is approachable and receptive to feedback can be a huge asset to a lasting union. When someone is free-thinking and open-minded, it enables them to be forthright in expressing feelings, thoughts, dreams and desires, which allows you to truly know them. You should keep all communications open. Conversations should lead to deeper understanding's of the person you’re with.

6. Sense of Humor - The ideal partner has a sense of Humor. A sense of humor can be a lifesaver in a relationship. The ability to laugh at one’s self and at life’s foibles allows a person to maintain a proper perspective when dealing with sensitive issues that arise within the relationship. Couples who are playful and teasing often defuse potentially volatile situations with their humor. A good sense of humor definitely eases the tense moments in a relationship. Being able to laugh at ourselves makes life much easier.

7. They love being together – You need to find someone who likes spending time with you, and who you like spending time with. Spending quality time together is why you marry someone to begin with, if you don’t want to be around your partner constantly, you should probably remain “single.”  Hold out for someone who you love spending time with, and who loves to spend time with you.

8. They prize you above everyone else – Marry someone who values you above their friends.  If you’re not valued above their friends, then their friends will have priority in your relationship…when a decision has to be made, you may be the last person asked. It is good to be where you're celebrated than tolerated.

9. The patterns of life – You should be able to see patterns in your partner’s life. Has the person always been very disciplined, lazy, aggressive, or nice?  What are the positive and negative habits and patterns in this person’s life?  Can you live with these patterns and/or habits? Life happens in cycles, discover the life cycles of your partner; make sure you’re excited about those cycles.

10. You have a lot in common – You hang out in the same spots, you have the same ground about number of children to be raised, your goals tally in one way or the other, you like the same things; you’re headed in the same direction.  Why is this important?  Because marriage is not the goal; it’s only the starting line of the race.  You and your partner need to be headed in the same direction in this race. It would be wise to discover where your partner is going before you marry them, and it would also be wise to know where you’re going. If you're unaware of this, we have a classic case of the blind leading the blind; both of you will end-up in a ditch. Not that you’ll know everything in the present moment, but you should know a majority of the important things.

11. Your friends like the person – In other words, the “unbiased” people in your life like the person. If none of your friends like the person you’re marrying, you may want to re-think your decision.  Your friends sometimes see things that you are unwilling to see.

12. The motives are pure – Look for a spouse who wants “you for you.” Someone with pure motives; they’re not trying to get something out of the deal.  They’re not a vampire looking to suck your blood; they’re seeking to give.  They’re not going to subtract from your life, they’re going to add to your life.

13. They express how much they love you – Love is seen, love is action.  If someone truly loves you, you will know it by their deeds, not just by their words. Make sure your partner’s actions are indicative of someone who loves you.  Their words should match their actions, and their actions should match their words.

14. They don’t believe in divorce – Simply put, if divorce is an option for your relationship, then you have a much greater chance of getting a divorce.  As a couple you must make the conscious decision to work through your problems.

15. They give to you – They buy you things, no matter how small, or if they don’t have any money…they make dinner for you, give you foot rubs, they cater to you.

16. They’re not self-centred – They desire to see you fulfilled.  A good partner is concerned about your dreams, wishes and goals. They are willing to work to ensure you accomplish everything you desire to accomplish!

17. Opinion as regards affection and sex - The ideal partner is easily affectionate and responsive on many levels: physically, emotionally and verbally. They are personal, acknowledging and outwardly demonstrative of feelings of warmth and tenderness. They enjoy closeness in being sexual and are uninhibited in freely giving and accepting affection and pleasure during lovemaking.

18. Commitment, Caring and Courteous - these 3C's are very important one that must be manifested in the life of an ideal partner. An ideal partner must show reasonable commitment to what concerns you. He or she must be caring and nice.

19. Empathy and understanding - The ideal spouse perceives their mate on both an intellectual, observational level and an emotional, intuitive level. This spouse is able to both understand and empathize with their mate.
When a couple understands each other, they become aware of the commonalities that exist between them and also recognize and appreciate the differences. When both partners are empathic, that is, capable of communicating with feeling and with respect for the other person’s wants, attitudes and values, each partner feels understood and validated.

Conclusively, this article has been written to serve as a guide in identifying the signifying traits of an ideal spouse. Use the list as your gauge.  However, don’t bother looking for these qualities, if you don’t first exemplify these qualities yourself, you will only attract what you are as indicated by Mr self development. It is what you have that attract others.

Wish you a peaceful and everlasting relationship leading to marriage.

To your ultimate successful relationship,
MA.