Bad social habits can interfere with your ability to develop relationships and engage in meaningful conversations with others. Be on the lookout for these bad habits so you can start to become more sociable today.
1. Complaining to Gain Sympathy
Complaining about how bad your life is or how unfair things are to gain other’s attention and sympathy, can backfire quickly. It might work in the short-term because people want to respond with kindness, but if it becomes a habit, you’re more likely to send people running in the other direction.
2. Focusing on Your Point of View Only
Focusing on what you’ve got to say without really hearing other points of view is a habit that will quickly annoy others. Truly listening to other points of view is at the heart of good communication.
3. Listening Half-Heartedly
If you think you’re good at multi-tasking while you communicate, you might be surprised at how much you’re missing. It’s disrespectful to other people if you can’t put down your cell phone, pause the TV, or make eye contact when someone is talking with you. Practice giving people your undivided attention whether you’re on the phone or talking to someone in person. Show that you value what they have to say and make a concerted effort to stop trying to multi-task while they’re talking.
4. Always figuring out negativity
If you only point out the negative, people will quickly stop wanting to talk to you. It’s one thing to point out some potential negative aspects of a person’s choices, but it should be balanced with the positive points as well.
Whether you’ve got a friend who is dating someone new or a family member who has interviewed for a new job, avoid telling them all the reasons why they aren’t likely to be successful. If you want to be more sociable, offer support and be willing to cheer others on as they attempt to make their way through the world.
5. Attempting to Always Please Everyone
You can’t make everyone happy all the time so there’s no need to try. If you always try to do what others want, you’re actually likely to annoy people.
6. Arguing About Everything
Argumentative people quickly turn others off. Avoid constantly correcting people or debating with them. You don’t always have to agree with others and you don’t need to attempt to change their minds. Focus more on the relationship than trying to prove that you’re always right.
7. Talking About Yourself too Much
People will grow tired of hearing all about you if you don’t ever offer them a chance to talk about themselves. Ask questions about others and show a genuine interest in learning about their lives. Don’t allow yourself to keep the focus on you and everything happening in your world only. Your conversation shouldn't be about "I", "me" and "myself"
8. Gossiping About Everyone
If you gossip about everyone else, people will begin to avoid you. Smart people will recognize that they’re not immune to being a victim of your gossip. Avoid spreading rumors or contributing to drama. Avoid talking about other people’s business and become more sociable by sharing ideas and experiences.
9. Bragging About Your Accomplishments
It’s okay to be proud of your accomplishments, but bragging about yourself isn’t an endearing way to attract people. Unless you’re at a job interview, there is no need to tell people how great you are.
10. Emotional impatience
Whether you tend to yell and scream or simply cut people out of your life every time you feel angry, dealing with anger inappropriately can seriously limit your social life. Learn how to speak up and express yourself in an assertive manner. Asking for what you want is fine, but becoming demanding or hostile isn’t likely to win you any friendship awards.
All these habits can be corrected if you want to. Correcting any of these defects can make you successful and sociable.
To your success,
MA.
Monday, 25 November 2013
BASIC TRAITS OF A HEALTHY MAN.
I have a short story I'd like to share with you staged in the wizard of Oz...
Dorothy, an orphan who lived with her uncle and aunt in Kansas, was accidentally brought by a cyclone, as the cyclone lifted the house Dorothy and her dog, Toto, were in, to the Land of Oz. The house accidentally landed on a Wicked Witch of the East and killed her, which made the Munchkins freed from the Wicked Witch slavery. Despite the beauty of the Land of Oz and the gratefulness of the Munchkins, Dorothy still wanted to go back to Kansas. Thus the Good Witch of the North, which came to the Land of the East after the Munchkins sent her a message about the incident, suggested Dorothy to see the Great Wizard in the City of Emerald and ask him for help.
In her journey to the City of Emerald, she met the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman, and the Cowardly Lion in different places. They decided to go to see the Great Oz together, for the Scarecrow wanted a brain, the Tin Woodman wanted a heart, and the Cowardly Lion wanted courage to ask to the Great Wizard. Together they faced many obstacles and successfully made their way to the City of Emerald and they met the Great Oz.
Anyway, the old man gave the Scarecrow a brain made of pins and needles, the Tin Woodman a heart made of silk and filled with sawdust, the Cowardly Lion a bottle of courage, and promised Dorothy that he would make an hot-air balloon for them to cross the desert ........................ I know you're saying within yourself the essence of the story. Well, it has a great revelation. Straight to point, I want to use the scarecrow who want a brain, the woodman who want a heart and the cowardly lion who want a courage in the story to explain the basic traits of a healthy man.
So we have Dorothy and her dog Toto leading three men; three men who are searching for a brain, a heart, and courage.
Let me repeat that, for those of you who weren’t paying attention, we have three men, being led by a girl and a dog, trying to find a brain, a heart, and courage. Without much ado, let me explain what each depict.
A Brain
Women, the first of the basic traits of a healthy man is that he has a brain. In other words, he’s astute, judicious, and intelligent; he can think for himself, his actions are not dictated by his friends or his associates.
He possesses the cognitive ability to recognize your importance and see your true value. He’s smart enough to appreciate you, and intelligent enough to show it.
He’s a visionary; he knows what he’s doing and where he’s going. He’s a leader; he’s able to handle his responsibilities; he’s able to control himself, his anger, and his nature, in other words, he has a brain.
A Heart
The second of the basic traits of a healthy man is that he has a heart. Some men are cold, they’re callous and they’re mean. They don’t feel anything, don’t care about anything, don’t care if you cry, don’t care when you hurt, they are uninterested in the things that you are interested in; your feelings mean “nothing,” they don’t have a heart!
A man “with a heart” is concerned about you, takes an interest in the things that interest you, and prizes you above anyone else. A man with a heart will spend time with you, because he knows that time is a sign of value. What people value they dedicate time to. A healthy man has a heart.
A man with a heart defers to you, respects your emotions, your feelings and your perspective. A man with a heart is not intimated by your intelligence, intuition and sensitivity; he understands you and relies on you.
A man with a heart respects his parents, his neighbors and most importantly, a man with a heart respects the women he’s with.
Courage
The last of the basic traits of a healthy man is courage. He has courage in the face of circumstances, challenges and misunderstandings. He doesn’t quit or shrink, he doesn’t run-out, and he doesn’t give up or back down when things get rough; he has courage. He has the courage to stay committed to relationships, the courage to make big decisions, and the courage to back his decisions.
He has the courage to change when change is required.
He has the courage to take risk, the courage to pursue his dreams, the courage to love the unlovely, and the courage to do the right thing.
He has the courage to commit to you for a lifetime, the courage to respect you, the courage to protect you, the courage to earn a living, the courage to pursue his passion and the courage to be the man that you desire him to be.
In closing, a healthy man has a brain, he has a heart, and last but not least, a healthy man has courage. Women, watch out for all these in men. Husband material is no longer a business as usual where it is all about handsome man and heavy pocket. Though it is good to have handsome and wealthy man as hubby but choose wisely. Marriage decision is not to be made in haste. And to the man, if any of the traits is missing, try to work towards getting it back for a successful home. As indicated in the story, the men were granted their request of brain, heart and courage which means every man has a brain, heart and courage but the fact is few men make use of their brain, heart and courage.
Thank you for reading, and please pass this article along. You can equally drop your comments.
Best regards,
MA.
Dorothy, an orphan who lived with her uncle and aunt in Kansas, was accidentally brought by a cyclone, as the cyclone lifted the house Dorothy and her dog, Toto, were in, to the Land of Oz. The house accidentally landed on a Wicked Witch of the East and killed her, which made the Munchkins freed from the Wicked Witch slavery. Despite the beauty of the Land of Oz and the gratefulness of the Munchkins, Dorothy still wanted to go back to Kansas. Thus the Good Witch of the North, which came to the Land of the East after the Munchkins sent her a message about the incident, suggested Dorothy to see the Great Wizard in the City of Emerald and ask him for help.
In her journey to the City of Emerald, she met the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman, and the Cowardly Lion in different places. They decided to go to see the Great Oz together, for the Scarecrow wanted a brain, the Tin Woodman wanted a heart, and the Cowardly Lion wanted courage to ask to the Great Wizard. Together they faced many obstacles and successfully made their way to the City of Emerald and they met the Great Oz.
Anyway, the old man gave the Scarecrow a brain made of pins and needles, the Tin Woodman a heart made of silk and filled with sawdust, the Cowardly Lion a bottle of courage, and promised Dorothy that he would make an hot-air balloon for them to cross the desert ........................ I know you're saying within yourself the essence of the story. Well, it has a great revelation. Straight to point, I want to use the scarecrow who want a brain, the woodman who want a heart and the cowardly lion who want a courage in the story to explain the basic traits of a healthy man.
So we have Dorothy and her dog Toto leading three men; three men who are searching for a brain, a heart, and courage.
Let me repeat that, for those of you who weren’t paying attention, we have three men, being led by a girl and a dog, trying to find a brain, a heart, and courage. Without much ado, let me explain what each depict.
A Brain
Women, the first of the basic traits of a healthy man is that he has a brain. In other words, he’s astute, judicious, and intelligent; he can think for himself, his actions are not dictated by his friends or his associates.
He possesses the cognitive ability to recognize your importance and see your true value. He’s smart enough to appreciate you, and intelligent enough to show it.
He’s a visionary; he knows what he’s doing and where he’s going. He’s a leader; he’s able to handle his responsibilities; he’s able to control himself, his anger, and his nature, in other words, he has a brain.
A Heart
The second of the basic traits of a healthy man is that he has a heart. Some men are cold, they’re callous and they’re mean. They don’t feel anything, don’t care about anything, don’t care if you cry, don’t care when you hurt, they are uninterested in the things that you are interested in; your feelings mean “nothing,” they don’t have a heart!
A man “with a heart” is concerned about you, takes an interest in the things that interest you, and prizes you above anyone else. A man with a heart will spend time with you, because he knows that time is a sign of value. What people value they dedicate time to. A healthy man has a heart.
A man with a heart defers to you, respects your emotions, your feelings and your perspective. A man with a heart is not intimated by your intelligence, intuition and sensitivity; he understands you and relies on you.
A man with a heart respects his parents, his neighbors and most importantly, a man with a heart respects the women he’s with.
Courage
The last of the basic traits of a healthy man is courage. He has courage in the face of circumstances, challenges and misunderstandings. He doesn’t quit or shrink, he doesn’t run-out, and he doesn’t give up or back down when things get rough; he has courage. He has the courage to stay committed to relationships, the courage to make big decisions, and the courage to back his decisions.
He has the courage to change when change is required.
He has the courage to take risk, the courage to pursue his dreams, the courage to love the unlovely, and the courage to do the right thing.
He has the courage to commit to you for a lifetime, the courage to respect you, the courage to protect you, the courage to earn a living, the courage to pursue his passion and the courage to be the man that you desire him to be.
In closing, a healthy man has a brain, he has a heart, and last but not least, a healthy man has courage. Women, watch out for all these in men. Husband material is no longer a business as usual where it is all about handsome man and heavy pocket. Though it is good to have handsome and wealthy man as hubby but choose wisely. Marriage decision is not to be made in haste. And to the man, if any of the traits is missing, try to work towards getting it back for a successful home. As indicated in the story, the men were granted their request of brain, heart and courage which means every man has a brain, heart and courage but the fact is few men make use of their brain, heart and courage.
Thank you for reading, and please pass this article along. You can equally drop your comments.
Best regards,
MA.
Sunday, 24 November 2013
KEYS TO PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT.
No matter how good or effective you are at work or in life generally. It is important that you strive to improve yourself. This will make you more productive and successful - that is if you're already productive. If you're not, then self development will increase your chances of turning the table around. This is because it would help you correct the flaws or weaknesses that have hindered your growth and equip you for success.
Some of the tips to increase your self-development includes:
Be disciplined
Without discipline, it is difficult for you to succeed at work, home and in terms of personal finance management. For you to successfully execute any plan or complete a task, discipline is required. By disciplining yourself, you will be able to overcome such bad habits such as procrastination and the tendency to blame others for failure or problems. People who never accept blame or reality, are unlikely to take needed steps to correct their flaws or develop themselves. If you really want to develop yourself, you must be discipline.
Set goals
To achieve personal development, it is important to have target in life. Without targets or goals setting, you're likely to relax and become comfortable with the way things are; and life may just pass by you. In certain goals, you have to look at your present circumstances and decide the changes you want to make.
Are you always late for work? Do you always fail to complete tasks? These are examples of things you may consider in setting goals. Of course, things you want to change can be more serious, depending on your circumstances or challenges.
In setting goals, it is important that you think about the plan you have for your life - career, family, etc. - and ensure that the set goals are in tune with them. That way, you won't spend time working on goals that will not add anything to you or your plan in the long run.
Learn to think positively
In his book, "The Power of Positive Thinking", Norman Vincent Pearle stresses that positive thinking is an attitude that anticipates happiness, health and successful results.
Indeed, positive thinking is important for people who are interested in self-development. There is a need to control your thinking. By controlling what you think, you stand a better chance of controlling your life. This will require you to organise your thoughts. And one thing that may be handy in this regard is meditation, which can clear your mind and remove negative thoughts.
Avoid procrastination at all cost
Having thought about what you want to achieve or change and set goals to achieve that, it is important that you get a good start.
Once you have your plan, you should start implementing it right away as procrastination may see your circumstance worsened. So, the advice is that you should not leave what you can do today for tomorrow. It is also advisable that you get up early every day, as this will leave you with more time to complete tasks, than when you wake up late every morning.
Simplify tasks
As you strive to achieve your personal development targets and as you go about your activities everyday, there are many tasks that you will be required to complete. Many people get overwhelmed by the amount of tasks they have to complete on daily basis. This is because they fail to break these tasks down into smaller tasks and in such a way that they could easily handle them. To avoid that, organise the tasks you are given and come up with a schedule for all you have to do.
Increase your knowledge
They say knowledge is power. Increasing your knowledge is key if you want to achieve personal development. Apart from getting additional training in various areas where you have noticed that you're weak, it is important for you to read relevant literature. By reading about mistakes of others, you can speed up your personal development process.
Instead of learning the hard way - through experience, you're advised to learn from others. And while finding a mentor is great, you can learn about the mistakes of others by reading wisely.
Embrace change
It is okay to be conservative at times, but in world that is changing at a rapid pace, people that welcome change are better off than those who are resistant to it. Though change is difficult to accept but there is no escaping route, hence the earlier you learn to embrace it the better. Imagine the difficulties an individual who was refused to use mobile phones in today's world will face. While that may be hard to imagine for you, if you examine some of the changes, which you have refused to embrace, you may find that they have a similar effect.
Belief Mechanism
When you belief in God and yourself, you will definitely achieve whatever you want to achieve in life. To develop yourself personally, you must always believe you can do anything without hesitation especially when the light has turned green.
Get organised
How organised are you? Do you plan your day and activities ahead or do you do things at the last moment? By getting organised or more organised, you are likely to find it easier to complete your tasks and thereby become more productive. This is because you will be able to focus on important tasks. And because you have planned in advance, you'll find it easier to accomplish more, having thought of likely obstacles and ways to tackle them before they pop up.
Evaluation
Once you have decided to develop yourself and started taking steps towards that, it is important that you evaluate the progress you have made time to time.
Other things that will be helpful to you in your quest to develop yourself include regular exercise, dealing with the right kind of people or having good friends, and keep bad habits in check, among others.
It is important to note that personal development basically involves everything that can transform your life in a positive way. This means there are many other tips that will be helpful.
If you can follow all the tips above, you stand a very good chance of achieving your personal development goals.
Enjoy,
MA.
Some of the tips to increase your self-development includes:
Be disciplined
Without discipline, it is difficult for you to succeed at work, home and in terms of personal finance management. For you to successfully execute any plan or complete a task, discipline is required. By disciplining yourself, you will be able to overcome such bad habits such as procrastination and the tendency to blame others for failure or problems. People who never accept blame or reality, are unlikely to take needed steps to correct their flaws or develop themselves. If you really want to develop yourself, you must be discipline.
Set goals
To achieve personal development, it is important to have target in life. Without targets or goals setting, you're likely to relax and become comfortable with the way things are; and life may just pass by you. In certain goals, you have to look at your present circumstances and decide the changes you want to make.
Are you always late for work? Do you always fail to complete tasks? These are examples of things you may consider in setting goals. Of course, things you want to change can be more serious, depending on your circumstances or challenges.
In setting goals, it is important that you think about the plan you have for your life - career, family, etc. - and ensure that the set goals are in tune with them. That way, you won't spend time working on goals that will not add anything to you or your plan in the long run.
Learn to think positively
In his book, "The Power of Positive Thinking", Norman Vincent Pearle stresses that positive thinking is an attitude that anticipates happiness, health and successful results.
Indeed, positive thinking is important for people who are interested in self-development. There is a need to control your thinking. By controlling what you think, you stand a better chance of controlling your life. This will require you to organise your thoughts. And one thing that may be handy in this regard is meditation, which can clear your mind and remove negative thoughts.
Avoid procrastination at all cost
Having thought about what you want to achieve or change and set goals to achieve that, it is important that you get a good start.
Once you have your plan, you should start implementing it right away as procrastination may see your circumstance worsened. So, the advice is that you should not leave what you can do today for tomorrow. It is also advisable that you get up early every day, as this will leave you with more time to complete tasks, than when you wake up late every morning.
Simplify tasks
As you strive to achieve your personal development targets and as you go about your activities everyday, there are many tasks that you will be required to complete. Many people get overwhelmed by the amount of tasks they have to complete on daily basis. This is because they fail to break these tasks down into smaller tasks and in such a way that they could easily handle them. To avoid that, organise the tasks you are given and come up with a schedule for all you have to do.
Increase your knowledge
They say knowledge is power. Increasing your knowledge is key if you want to achieve personal development. Apart from getting additional training in various areas where you have noticed that you're weak, it is important for you to read relevant literature. By reading about mistakes of others, you can speed up your personal development process.
Instead of learning the hard way - through experience, you're advised to learn from others. And while finding a mentor is great, you can learn about the mistakes of others by reading wisely.
Embrace change
It is okay to be conservative at times, but in world that is changing at a rapid pace, people that welcome change are better off than those who are resistant to it. Though change is difficult to accept but there is no escaping route, hence the earlier you learn to embrace it the better. Imagine the difficulties an individual who was refused to use mobile phones in today's world will face. While that may be hard to imagine for you, if you examine some of the changes, which you have refused to embrace, you may find that they have a similar effect.
Belief Mechanism
When you belief in God and yourself, you will definitely achieve whatever you want to achieve in life. To develop yourself personally, you must always believe you can do anything without hesitation especially when the light has turned green.
Get organised
How organised are you? Do you plan your day and activities ahead or do you do things at the last moment? By getting organised or more organised, you are likely to find it easier to complete your tasks and thereby become more productive. This is because you will be able to focus on important tasks. And because you have planned in advance, you'll find it easier to accomplish more, having thought of likely obstacles and ways to tackle them before they pop up.
Evaluation
Once you have decided to develop yourself and started taking steps towards that, it is important that you evaluate the progress you have made time to time.
Other things that will be helpful to you in your quest to develop yourself include regular exercise, dealing with the right kind of people or having good friends, and keep bad habits in check, among others.
It is important to note that personal development basically involves everything that can transform your life in a positive way. This means there are many other tips that will be helpful.
If you can follow all the tips above, you stand a very good chance of achieving your personal development goals.
Enjoy,
MA.
A MILLION QUESTIONS BEFORE YOU SAY I DO.
When I wrote the article “desperate woman, why the rush?” a lady accused me of being partial. This led me into writing the second part I titled, “desperate man, why the rush?” I thought with that no more issue. But shockingly, I was once more questioned.
Few days ago, I was in Cotonou, Benin Republic to carry out an important task. As I checked into an hotel, “la fraternite” hotel precisely, I met a lady who has been following my blog. She was so excited. She thanked me and that she’s proud of me and my work. Finally, she asked me a powerful question. She asked, “ Matthew, you wrote that we shouldn’t rush into marriage which I quite agree with you to a reasonable extent but the issue is, do I have to wait till I have money or will my man has to wait till he’s financially capable before we settle down? I’m asking you this because there are some people that won’t become financially okay until after they get married.” Without beating about the bush, I replied, “my dear, I can see that you believe in pre-destination. I wasn’t saying you should have all the money in the universe before you settle down but at all at all is bad.” I furthered that, you see, the reason why I said you shouldn’t rush is for the fact that there are knowledge, wisdom and understanding you need to gain before going into marriage and more so there are some questions you need to ask each other before saying “I do.”
“I do” is not a transformer and that’s why you need to probe deeply before appearing in front of important dignitaries on that special day. I have witnessed marriage that doesn’t last a year, listened to words from powerful marriage counselors and based on that I’m fully aware that marriage shouldn’t be because my mates are going into it. Of course you’re in love ready to vow “through sickness and health……..until death do us apart”…. However, take a deep breath, and consider the following questions:
Do you have any bad habits (e.g. Gambling, Smoking, Nagging, Excessive shopping, Drinking, Sex, etc.)? A must ask question. You want to know if your partner has any bad habits that will affect your relationship. Most people have at least one bad habit. A single bad habit, if not attended to, can set an entire relationship ablaze. If you don’t ask, your partner may not tell.
Why do you consider me the better spouse or partner for you? This is a must question to be asked. You need to know the reason why you are the choice among alternatives. The answer here might be somehow cunning but you'll definitely find an iota of truth no matter what.
What do you do when you're angry? What do you want me to do? You need to probe deeply into this question. What do you want your partner to do when you're not happy? Do you want a breathing space in a situation like this? Is there anything that get you back together when you're angry?
What are your financial goals, aspirations, expectations and how will you achieve them? A majority of divorces occur due to stress on the relationship related to finances. Having financial goals are beneficial to the success of a marriage relationship, so be sure to ask this question. You don’t want wait until you’ve been married for five years to discover that your partner has no financial goals or aspirations.
What influence, if any, will your family have on our marriage? It’s probably a good idea to find out if your mother-in-law is going to be making all of the important decisions in your marriage, or if her opinion will strongly influence your life.
What will constitute our fun weekly (e.g. go to the movies, beach or go dancing)? Will there be vacation annually (or more or less frequently)? It will be mutually beneficial to come to some common grounds on your activities and vacations in advance.
How many children are we going to give birth to and how will they be disciplined? Certainly an important question is how many children you will have, and how will they be disciplined. Undisciplined children can put quite a strain on your marriage; please ensure you discuss this with your partner.
How do you define forever, forgiveness and fidelity? Very important question, maybe the most important. You want to know if your partner is planning on being with you (and only you) forever. You also want to know if they will be quick to forgive when you have disagreements.
How often will we go on dates once we get married? This one is especially for the ladies, you don’t want to marry your spouse only to discover that the last date you’ll ever go on, happened a week before your wedding (and you’re only 22). Dating should really begin to flourish once you get married, not before.
Will they kiss divorce goodbye? Every marriage eventually proves to be difficult at times. Human nature is such that if there’s an easy “off ramp,” we tend to want to take it. Marry someone who is committed to working through every challenge you face without considering divorce as an option.
How important is religion and spirituality in our marriage? You want to discuss the spiritual needs of the relationship. There’s no easy answer here. A common faith holds a family together, not just on a weekly basis, but on major holidays throughout the year – which means that every such occasion will remind you of your disconnect as a couple if you share a significantly expression of faith that makes you want to be in two different houses of worship at any one time.
How much time do you plan spending with your
friends after we get married; what is your relationship with friends of the opposite sex? These are good questions, the best answer maybe found by looking to see what your partner is currently doing. When you get married they won’t be a brand new person, you will both be the exact same people, with the exact same relationships and thoughts. Be sure to openly discuss the time you will spending with both your male and female friends, and the importance or relative unimportance of those relationships.
How often do they envision for having sex? You want to find out now if you’re going to be having sex everyday or once a month. What are the expectations of their wife in this area? What are their views on pornography? This requires a thorough planning.
Your partner may not be able to answer all of these questions with perfect accuracy today, but if the questions are answered honestly, they will provide you with insight and guidance for your relationship. So ask your significant questions today, you will be glad you did tomorrow.
To your marriage success, MA.
Few days ago, I was in Cotonou, Benin Republic to carry out an important task. As I checked into an hotel, “la fraternite” hotel precisely, I met a lady who has been following my blog. She was so excited. She thanked me and that she’s proud of me and my work. Finally, she asked me a powerful question. She asked, “ Matthew, you wrote that we shouldn’t rush into marriage which I quite agree with you to a reasonable extent but the issue is, do I have to wait till I have money or will my man has to wait till he’s financially capable before we settle down? I’m asking you this because there are some people that won’t become financially okay until after they get married.” Without beating about the bush, I replied, “my dear, I can see that you believe in pre-destination. I wasn’t saying you should have all the money in the universe before you settle down but at all at all is bad.” I furthered that, you see, the reason why I said you shouldn’t rush is for the fact that there are knowledge, wisdom and understanding you need to gain before going into marriage and more so there are some questions you need to ask each other before saying “I do.”
“I do” is not a transformer and that’s why you need to probe deeply before appearing in front of important dignitaries on that special day. I have witnessed marriage that doesn’t last a year, listened to words from powerful marriage counselors and based on that I’m fully aware that marriage shouldn’t be because my mates are going into it. Of course you’re in love ready to vow “through sickness and health……..until death do us apart”…. However, take a deep breath, and consider the following questions:
Do you have any bad habits (e.g. Gambling, Smoking, Nagging, Excessive shopping, Drinking, Sex, etc.)? A must ask question. You want to know if your partner has any bad habits that will affect your relationship. Most people have at least one bad habit. A single bad habit, if not attended to, can set an entire relationship ablaze. If you don’t ask, your partner may not tell.
Why do you consider me the better spouse or partner for you? This is a must question to be asked. You need to know the reason why you are the choice among alternatives. The answer here might be somehow cunning but you'll definitely find an iota of truth no matter what.
What do you do when you're angry? What do you want me to do? You need to probe deeply into this question. What do you want your partner to do when you're not happy? Do you want a breathing space in a situation like this? Is there anything that get you back together when you're angry?
What are your financial goals, aspirations, expectations and how will you achieve them? A majority of divorces occur due to stress on the relationship related to finances. Having financial goals are beneficial to the success of a marriage relationship, so be sure to ask this question. You don’t want wait until you’ve been married for five years to discover that your partner has no financial goals or aspirations.
What influence, if any, will your family have on our marriage? It’s probably a good idea to find out if your mother-in-law is going to be making all of the important decisions in your marriage, or if her opinion will strongly influence your life.
What will constitute our fun weekly (e.g. go to the movies, beach or go dancing)? Will there be vacation annually (or more or less frequently)? It will be mutually beneficial to come to some common grounds on your activities and vacations in advance.
How many children are we going to give birth to and how will they be disciplined? Certainly an important question is how many children you will have, and how will they be disciplined. Undisciplined children can put quite a strain on your marriage; please ensure you discuss this with your partner.
How do you define forever, forgiveness and fidelity? Very important question, maybe the most important. You want to know if your partner is planning on being with you (and only you) forever. You also want to know if they will be quick to forgive when you have disagreements.
How often will we go on dates once we get married? This one is especially for the ladies, you don’t want to marry your spouse only to discover that the last date you’ll ever go on, happened a week before your wedding (and you’re only 22). Dating should really begin to flourish once you get married, not before.
Will they kiss divorce goodbye? Every marriage eventually proves to be difficult at times. Human nature is such that if there’s an easy “off ramp,” we tend to want to take it. Marry someone who is committed to working through every challenge you face without considering divorce as an option.
How important is religion and spirituality in our marriage? You want to discuss the spiritual needs of the relationship. There’s no easy answer here. A common faith holds a family together, not just on a weekly basis, but on major holidays throughout the year – which means that every such occasion will remind you of your disconnect as a couple if you share a significantly expression of faith that makes you want to be in two different houses of worship at any one time.
How much time do you plan spending with your
friends after we get married; what is your relationship with friends of the opposite sex? These are good questions, the best answer maybe found by looking to see what your partner is currently doing. When you get married they won’t be a brand new person, you will both be the exact same people, with the exact same relationships and thoughts. Be sure to openly discuss the time you will spending with both your male and female friends, and the importance or relative unimportance of those relationships.
How often do they envision for having sex? You want to find out now if you’re going to be having sex everyday or once a month. What are the expectations of their wife in this area? What are their views on pornography? This requires a thorough planning.
Your partner may not be able to answer all of these questions with perfect accuracy today, but if the questions are answered honestly, they will provide you with insight and guidance for your relationship. So ask your significant questions today, you will be glad you did tomorrow.
To your marriage success, MA.
Saturday, 23 November 2013
ACT LIKE A DOCTOR TO INCREASE YOUR SALES.
Did you know that top sales professionals see themselves as "Doctors of Selling?" They see themselves as professionals, well educated, acting in their "patient's" best interest, and bound by a high code of ethics.
The medical process is the same everywhere. Whenever you go to any doctor, of any kind, for any condition, he will follow the three part sequence of examination, diagnosis and prescription.
Just as a medical professional would never think of treating you without following these three steps in order, you as a doctor of selling, would never allow a customer to force you to sell without you going through your three stages as well. This is as applicable to selling magazines door-to-door as it is to selling oil tankers to Exxon.
Stage One
The first stage is examination. In the examination phase, you ask excellent questions, carefully prepared, in sequence, which are geared to give you a thorough knowledge of the patient's condition, or the customer's situation.
Stage Two
The second phase is that of diagnosis. In the diagnosis phase with a customer, you would repeat back the results of your examination and double check to be sure that the symptoms that you had detected were the real symptoms being experienced by the patient. You would ask additional questions to confirm and corroborate. You and the patient would mutually agree that this diagnosis seems to be an accurate description of the condition or problem.
Stage Three
Once this mutual agreement has been reached, that a treatable condition exists and that you have identified it accurately, you can move on to phase three. This is the prescription phase, where you show the patient (customer) that your product or service is the best available treatment, taking all the factors of the patient's situation into consideration for the ailment that you have diagnosed. You show that, on balance, what you are suggesting is the best of all possible solutions.
Professionals who sell in the way that doctors treat patients find that their sales activities proceed far more smoothly and result in better sales in less time.
When you become exactly clear about who you are and what you want, the path to achieving it becomes that clear, too.
Enjoy,
Letter from my mentor (Brian Tracy) to me (MA).
The medical process is the same everywhere. Whenever you go to any doctor, of any kind, for any condition, he will follow the three part sequence of examination, diagnosis and prescription.
Just as a medical professional would never think of treating you without following these three steps in order, you as a doctor of selling, would never allow a customer to force you to sell without you going through your three stages as well. This is as applicable to selling magazines door-to-door as it is to selling oil tankers to Exxon.
Stage One
The first stage is examination. In the examination phase, you ask excellent questions, carefully prepared, in sequence, which are geared to give you a thorough knowledge of the patient's condition, or the customer's situation.
Stage Two
The second phase is that of diagnosis. In the diagnosis phase with a customer, you would repeat back the results of your examination and double check to be sure that the symptoms that you had detected were the real symptoms being experienced by the patient. You would ask additional questions to confirm and corroborate. You and the patient would mutually agree that this diagnosis seems to be an accurate description of the condition or problem.
Stage Three
Once this mutual agreement has been reached, that a treatable condition exists and that you have identified it accurately, you can move on to phase three. This is the prescription phase, where you show the patient (customer) that your product or service is the best available treatment, taking all the factors of the patient's situation into consideration for the ailment that you have diagnosed. You show that, on balance, what you are suggesting is the best of all possible solutions.
Professionals who sell in the way that doctors treat patients find that their sales activities proceed far more smoothly and result in better sales in less time.
When you become exactly clear about who you are and what you want, the path to achieving it becomes that clear, too.
Enjoy,
Letter from my mentor (Brian Tracy) to me (MA).
COMMON LIES IN A RELATIONSHIP.
He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and third time, till at length it becomes habitual; he tells lies without attending to it, and truths without the world's believing him. This falsehood of the tongue leads to that of the heart, and in time deprives all its good disposition.
THOMAS JEFFERSON, letter to Peter Carr, Aug. 19, 1785
According to an online dictionary lie implies a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.
It is not fun to think about the lies people tell to those they love. We all lie in one way or the other without considering the resultant effect of it. Lies destroy the trust in a relationship which can lead to break-up. Couples or partners try to hide and conceal lots of topics from each other. Some of which are:
Relational Issues
*Time Together - people lie about the reasons why they can't spend time together or see each other ("I am so busy, I have so much work to do, I don't have time right now")....
*Past Relationships - partners lie about their past level of involvement ("I never really loved her," "I am much closer to you," "I love you so much more than anyone else")...
*Feelings, Interest, Crushes, and Attraction to Others - people lie about their feelings and interest in others - often includes ex-partners, friends, someone at work...
*Secret Contact - lovers lie about their friendships, time spent with others, accidental encounters (running into ex), phone calls, e-mails, and text messages with others.
*Essentially people lie about intimate, but non-sexual contact with someone else...
*Level of Commitment – people lie about their feelings for partner, uncertainty or doubts about the relationship - not sure really love or want to marry partner or stay together...
*Flirting with Others - people lie about flirting with others...
*Betraying Confidences - lovers lie to each other about keeping secrets confidential...
*Hide Time with Others - people hide activities and time spent with others - usually friends or coworkers...
Sexual Issues
*Sexual Fantasies – lovers conceal having sexual fantasies about others during sex. Or thinking about sex with someone else - usually the fantasy involves a partner's friend, family member, or a co-worker...
*Sexual Enjoyment - people lie about how good sex with partner is ("You're the best," "That was great!")...
*Sexual History - lovers lie about the number of past partners, unsafe sex practices, what they have and have not done with others, their virginity, having an abortion, childhood abuse...
*Infidelity and Cheating - spouses lie about having sex with other people... sometimes it involves issues of paternity (see, paternity testing)...
*Sexual Orientation - some people lie about same sex contact or interest...
Negative Thoughts
*Negative Feelings towards Partner's Family/friends - people lie about liking other people who are important to a partner...
*Negative Feelings about Partner's Physical Appearance - lovers lie about liking their partner's appearance, hair, weight, age, clothes...
*Negative Feelings about Partner's Career - people lie about liking or respecting their partner's job, school, career choices...
*Negative Feelings about Partner's Behavior/character - lovers lie about liking their partner's kids, habits, personality, sense of humor...
*Hide Other's Negative Feelings about Partner - people lie about other people's true feelings towards a partner (i.e., my family/friends don't like you)...
Negative Behaviors
*Drug Use - lovers lie about past or current drug use...
*Alcohol Consumption - partners lie about alcohol consumption...
*Smoking - people lie about smoking...
*Gambling - lovers lie about gambling...
Differences
*Hide Important Beliefs - lovers lie about true feelings on issues (i.e., politics, religion, pets) in order to get along with partner...
*Enjoyment of Activities - people lie about enjoying things a partner likes to do...
Financial Issues
*Resources - people lie about their income, resources, inheritance...
*Debt - lovers lie about their level of debit...
Spending Habits - people lie about how they spend money...
Insecurities
*Physical Appearance/health - people lie about age, weight, health...
*Jealously - lovers lie about being jealous and snooping...
*Career Performance - partners lie about how well work, school, career is going...
*Family and Friends - lovers lie to make family and friends seem better...
*Love and Emotions - people lie to their partners about feeling vulnerable, scared, and being overly emotional...
In closing
Always call a spade a spade. Don't tarnish your image through lies. Your reasons for lying are best known to you. But whatever the reasons might be, don't you think your partner getting to know the concealment might be disastrous? Be frank and express your real and unbiased intention. "My father always told me that what's wrong with lying is that it's an admission of weakness. If you're the strongest, you can afford to tell the truth." K. J. PARKER, Evil for Evil.
Best regards,
MA.
THOMAS JEFFERSON, letter to Peter Carr, Aug. 19, 1785
According to an online dictionary lie implies a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.
It is not fun to think about the lies people tell to those they love. We all lie in one way or the other without considering the resultant effect of it. Lies destroy the trust in a relationship which can lead to break-up. Couples or partners try to hide and conceal lots of topics from each other. Some of which are:
Relational Issues
*Time Together - people lie about the reasons why they can't spend time together or see each other ("I am so busy, I have so much work to do, I don't have time right now")....
*Past Relationships - partners lie about their past level of involvement ("I never really loved her," "I am much closer to you," "I love you so much more than anyone else")...
*Feelings, Interest, Crushes, and Attraction to Others - people lie about their feelings and interest in others - often includes ex-partners, friends, someone at work...
*Secret Contact - lovers lie about their friendships, time spent with others, accidental encounters (running into ex), phone calls, e-mails, and text messages with others.
*Essentially people lie about intimate, but non-sexual contact with someone else...
*Level of Commitment – people lie about their feelings for partner, uncertainty or doubts about the relationship - not sure really love or want to marry partner or stay together...
*Flirting with Others - people lie about flirting with others...
*Betraying Confidences - lovers lie to each other about keeping secrets confidential...
*Hide Time with Others - people hide activities and time spent with others - usually friends or coworkers...
Sexual Issues
*Sexual Fantasies – lovers conceal having sexual fantasies about others during sex. Or thinking about sex with someone else - usually the fantasy involves a partner's friend, family member, or a co-worker...
*Sexual Enjoyment - people lie about how good sex with partner is ("You're the best," "That was great!")...
*Sexual History - lovers lie about the number of past partners, unsafe sex practices, what they have and have not done with others, their virginity, having an abortion, childhood abuse...
*Infidelity and Cheating - spouses lie about having sex with other people... sometimes it involves issues of paternity (see, paternity testing)...
*Sexual Orientation - some people lie about same sex contact or interest...
Negative Thoughts
*Negative Feelings towards Partner's Family/friends - people lie about liking other people who are important to a partner...
*Negative Feelings about Partner's Physical Appearance - lovers lie about liking their partner's appearance, hair, weight, age, clothes...
*Negative Feelings about Partner's Career - people lie about liking or respecting their partner's job, school, career choices...
*Negative Feelings about Partner's Behavior/character - lovers lie about liking their partner's kids, habits, personality, sense of humor...
*Hide Other's Negative Feelings about Partner - people lie about other people's true feelings towards a partner (i.e., my family/friends don't like you)...
Negative Behaviors
*Drug Use - lovers lie about past or current drug use...
*Alcohol Consumption - partners lie about alcohol consumption...
*Smoking - people lie about smoking...
*Gambling - lovers lie about gambling...
Differences
*Hide Important Beliefs - lovers lie about true feelings on issues (i.e., politics, religion, pets) in order to get along with partner...
*Enjoyment of Activities - people lie about enjoying things a partner likes to do...
Financial Issues
*Resources - people lie about their income, resources, inheritance...
*Debt - lovers lie about their level of debit...
Spending Habits - people lie about how they spend money...
Insecurities
*Physical Appearance/health - people lie about age, weight, health...
*Jealously - lovers lie about being jealous and snooping...
*Career Performance - partners lie about how well work, school, career is going...
*Family and Friends - lovers lie to make family and friends seem better...
*Love and Emotions - people lie to their partners about feeling vulnerable, scared, and being overly emotional...
In closing
Always call a spade a spade. Don't tarnish your image through lies. Your reasons for lying are best known to you. But whatever the reasons might be, don't you think your partner getting to know the concealment might be disastrous? Be frank and express your real and unbiased intention. "My father always told me that what's wrong with lying is that it's an admission of weakness. If you're the strongest, you can afford to tell the truth." K. J. PARKER, Evil for Evil.
Best regards,
MA.
Friday, 22 November 2013
WAYS OF KEEPING YOUR PARTNER.
1. Be honest with yourself and learn to love yourself first, this will teach you how to love others too.
2. Affectionately touching your partner now and then can work wonders in a relationship! It could be a soft peck, holding hands in public and lots more.
3. Be creative in expressing the love and feelings you have for your partner. Find different ways to express the three magical words I LOVE YOU.
4. A great way of spending time together is dancing! It will improve the chemistry between two of you beside keeping you fit and its fun too.
5. As people grow older, birthdays become less celebrated. For your mate birthday this time, take some time to plan something very special.
6. Collect romantic, motivational, and inspirational quotes. Typeset them and give it to your partner as a gift.
7. A good date is what allows two of you to talk. But at the same time, take some of the focus off so that you're not under pressure.
8. Be polite. As they always say, politeness doesn't cost anything. Every lover likes to be treated with respect and appreciation too.
9. A clear signal is the trick. Men are not good at guesswork. Give him a clear signal else your partner won't pay any heed to you.
10. Always show compliment about your partner no matter how small. Whatever you admire, don't hesitate to say it. For instance, you're looking sexy or handsome, you're caring etc.
11. No matter how small the gift is, cultivate the habit of saying 'thank you, my love'
12. Keep communication open. There should be no hidden agenda. Always define your relationship with opposite sex who are friends.
Thank you for reading, and please pass this article along. Kindly drop your comments as well.
MA.
2. Affectionately touching your partner now and then can work wonders in a relationship! It could be a soft peck, holding hands in public and lots more.
3. Be creative in expressing the love and feelings you have for your partner. Find different ways to express the three magical words I LOVE YOU.
4. A great way of spending time together is dancing! It will improve the chemistry between two of you beside keeping you fit and its fun too.
5. As people grow older, birthdays become less celebrated. For your mate birthday this time, take some time to plan something very special.
6. Collect romantic, motivational, and inspirational quotes. Typeset them and give it to your partner as a gift.
7. A good date is what allows two of you to talk. But at the same time, take some of the focus off so that you're not under pressure.
8. Be polite. As they always say, politeness doesn't cost anything. Every lover likes to be treated with respect and appreciation too.
9. A clear signal is the trick. Men are not good at guesswork. Give him a clear signal else your partner won't pay any heed to you.
10. Always show compliment about your partner no matter how small. Whatever you admire, don't hesitate to say it. For instance, you're looking sexy or handsome, you're caring etc.
11. No matter how small the gift is, cultivate the habit of saying 'thank you, my love'
12. Keep communication open. There should be no hidden agenda. Always define your relationship with opposite sex who are friends.
Thank you for reading, and please pass this article along. Kindly drop your comments as well.
MA.
EXCUSES THAT PREVENT PEOPLE FROM EVER ACHIEVING SUCCESS.
It is wise to direct your anger towards problems - not people; to focus your energies on answers - not excuses.
William Arthur Ward
People make excuses for a whole host of unrealized objectives and blame external factors for their lack of success. But, are external factors really the culprit or self-sabotage? There's a maxim that is telling: if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.
In order to grow as a person, to create better circumstances, and to achieve a higher level of success and abundance, it all starts with... YOU.
Making excuses also known as rationalizing is a loser's game. Winners may analyze but never rationalize. Losers always have a book full of excuses to tell you why they could not. We hear excuses like:
#1. It's not easy
Huh? Your own attitude writes your own script. Usually, it's not that something is actually harder for one person over another, it is how that person chooses to view the task and approach it. A person who buys this line of reasoning may need to look at his or her coping/life skills. No two people learn in the same fashion so harder or easier aren't as relevant as one's own attitude. What can make almost anything seem harder is attitude. Everything has been once hard before turning round to become easy. It is all about an attempt.
#2. I don't have enough time
Often and all, you hear people saying, "I don’t have enough time.” Of course this comes from the individual who watches two hours of television a day. Especially nowadays that BBM is the order of the day. You have the exact same amount of time as everyone else. Your lack of time is most likely a lack of focus, a lack of priorities, a lack of passion, a lack of discipline, and a lack of direction. You are lacking something alright, but it’s not time.
“Your time” is how you show value. If you spend 40 hours a week at work, then that tells me that you value having a job. If you only spend five minutes getting dressed in the morning, then that tells me that you don’t value how you look. Time is the currency that shows what you value; if you’re not giving something “time,” it is because you don’t value it. Plain and simple!
Let’s be serious for a moment. It’s not that you don’t have the time, it’s that you don’t feel like “taking the time.” But at least be honest about it; I can respect the person who says, “I don’t want to workout, I’d rather watch television!”
#3. I don't have enough money
I don't have enough money to start this project or work at hand. How I wish I have the financial resources? When you say, “I don’t have enough money,” what you are really saying is that “I don’t want it badly enough.” You’re saying that “I don’t prize it enough;” you’re saying, “It’s not that important.” You’re saying, “I want it to be given to me.”
Who are the rich today, but the poor of yesterday? You don’t need money to succeed; you need determination, and an unrelenting attitude! With these items you will gather all the funds you require.
You can always find a way to get something when you’re determined to have it.
#4. I'm not educated
You say you don't have the required level of education. Huh? But do you that; Walt Disney dropped out of high school. Thomas Edison, the inventor of the everyday light-bulb had to join the railroad at 12 after receiving most of his education from home-schooling. Tom Anderson, who co-founded MySpace, dropped out of high school. Kevin Rose the founder of Digg.com, was a college drop-out. Dave Thomas the billionaire who founded the Wendy’s fast-food chain, dropped out of high school at 15. Dustin Moskovitz is the co-founder of Facebook and a college dropout. What else do you have to say?
#5. I Don’t Know How to do it.
What an excuse! If you haven’t “learned,” of course you don’t know how! This may very well be the worse of the four excuses.
It is practice that makes perfect. What you don’t know, you can always learn! It is a free world. You can learn whatever you feel like learning, if only you can give your mind to it.
#6. I can't do this.
In most cases, "I can't" really means "I don't want to" or "I won't." Barring physical inability because of health limitations or mental inability because of mental illness, most people, with sustained effort, can do most things. Are you allowing your beliefs about yourself to self-sabotage you?
#7. The economy is bad
The economy of my country is dwindling day and night. There is nothing that will strive in this economy. When I try to invest, I lose my money. There is inflation, currency depreciation, shares devaluation etc. You are right all these factors are against all the citizen yet some people are flourishing. It depends on your perspective. Get into action. Since some people are making it you too can.
#8. I'm handicapped
If anybody could not make it,Hellen Keller should be the one. Born deaf and blind yet she designed her life. Think of Yinka Ayefele (a musician from Ibadan, Nigeria), Steve Wonder, Booker T. Washington etc, they're handicapped but their names will last long as time endures.
#9. I'm too old.
Colonel sanders, at age of 65, with a beat-up car and a $100 check from social security, realize he had to do something. This man is the face of KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken). He single-handedly set up this fast food. Who are you to complain of too old then? Wake up from your slumber, you are still agile. Do something
#10. Other excuses
These are; I'm unlucky, I'm born under the wrong stars, I'm not smart enough, I'm not good looking, I don't have connections, my parent are poor etc. When you try to google search, you will find at least a billionaire making it in respect of your excuses. For instance, Wikipedia recorded Oprah Winfrey as someone born into poverty but today a leading billionaire.
In Closing
Let me encourage you to stop making excuses today; know that you can do whatever you want! You have the ability, and you have the power to turn your dream into a reality. So the question is, “How desirous you are about success?”
Thank you for reading. If you’ve enjoyed reading this article please pass it on to other. You can equally drop your comments.
To your ultimate success, MA.
William Arthur Ward
People make excuses for a whole host of unrealized objectives and blame external factors for their lack of success. But, are external factors really the culprit or self-sabotage? There's a maxim that is telling: if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.
In order to grow as a person, to create better circumstances, and to achieve a higher level of success and abundance, it all starts with... YOU.
Making excuses also known as rationalizing is a loser's game. Winners may analyze but never rationalize. Losers always have a book full of excuses to tell you why they could not. We hear excuses like:
#1. It's not easy
Huh? Your own attitude writes your own script. Usually, it's not that something is actually harder for one person over another, it is how that person chooses to view the task and approach it. A person who buys this line of reasoning may need to look at his or her coping/life skills. No two people learn in the same fashion so harder or easier aren't as relevant as one's own attitude. What can make almost anything seem harder is attitude. Everything has been once hard before turning round to become easy. It is all about an attempt.
#2. I don't have enough time
Often and all, you hear people saying, "I don’t have enough time.” Of course this comes from the individual who watches two hours of television a day. Especially nowadays that BBM is the order of the day. You have the exact same amount of time as everyone else. Your lack of time is most likely a lack of focus, a lack of priorities, a lack of passion, a lack of discipline, and a lack of direction. You are lacking something alright, but it’s not time.
“Your time” is how you show value. If you spend 40 hours a week at work, then that tells me that you value having a job. If you only spend five minutes getting dressed in the morning, then that tells me that you don’t value how you look. Time is the currency that shows what you value; if you’re not giving something “time,” it is because you don’t value it. Plain and simple!
Let’s be serious for a moment. It’s not that you don’t have the time, it’s that you don’t feel like “taking the time.” But at least be honest about it; I can respect the person who says, “I don’t want to workout, I’d rather watch television!”
#3. I don't have enough money
I don't have enough money to start this project or work at hand. How I wish I have the financial resources? When you say, “I don’t have enough money,” what you are really saying is that “I don’t want it badly enough.” You’re saying that “I don’t prize it enough;” you’re saying, “It’s not that important.” You’re saying, “I want it to be given to me.”
Who are the rich today, but the poor of yesterday? You don’t need money to succeed; you need determination, and an unrelenting attitude! With these items you will gather all the funds you require.
You can always find a way to get something when you’re determined to have it.
#4. I'm not educated
You say you don't have the required level of education. Huh? But do you that; Walt Disney dropped out of high school. Thomas Edison, the inventor of the everyday light-bulb had to join the railroad at 12 after receiving most of his education from home-schooling. Tom Anderson, who co-founded MySpace, dropped out of high school. Kevin Rose the founder of Digg.com, was a college drop-out. Dave Thomas the billionaire who founded the Wendy’s fast-food chain, dropped out of high school at 15. Dustin Moskovitz is the co-founder of Facebook and a college dropout. What else do you have to say?
#5. I Don’t Know How to do it.
What an excuse! If you haven’t “learned,” of course you don’t know how! This may very well be the worse of the four excuses.
It is practice that makes perfect. What you don’t know, you can always learn! It is a free world. You can learn whatever you feel like learning, if only you can give your mind to it.
#6. I can't do this.
In most cases, "I can't" really means "I don't want to" or "I won't." Barring physical inability because of health limitations or mental inability because of mental illness, most people, with sustained effort, can do most things. Are you allowing your beliefs about yourself to self-sabotage you?
#7. The economy is bad
The economy of my country is dwindling day and night. There is nothing that will strive in this economy. When I try to invest, I lose my money. There is inflation, currency depreciation, shares devaluation etc. You are right all these factors are against all the citizen yet some people are flourishing. It depends on your perspective. Get into action. Since some people are making it you too can.
#8. I'm handicapped
If anybody could not make it,Hellen Keller should be the one. Born deaf and blind yet she designed her life. Think of Yinka Ayefele (a musician from Ibadan, Nigeria), Steve Wonder, Booker T. Washington etc, they're handicapped but their names will last long as time endures.
#9. I'm too old.
Colonel sanders, at age of 65, with a beat-up car and a $100 check from social security, realize he had to do something. This man is the face of KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken). He single-handedly set up this fast food. Who are you to complain of too old then? Wake up from your slumber, you are still agile. Do something
#10. Other excuses
These are; I'm unlucky, I'm born under the wrong stars, I'm not smart enough, I'm not good looking, I don't have connections, my parent are poor etc. When you try to google search, you will find at least a billionaire making it in respect of your excuses. For instance, Wikipedia recorded Oprah Winfrey as someone born into poverty but today a leading billionaire.
In Closing
Let me encourage you to stop making excuses today; know that you can do whatever you want! You have the ability, and you have the power to turn your dream into a reality. So the question is, “How desirous you are about success?”
Thank you for reading. If you’ve enjoyed reading this article please pass it on to other. You can equally drop your comments.
To your ultimate success, MA.
Thursday, 21 November 2013
69 KEYS TO UNLOCK PROSPERITY.
Below are 69 keys to unlock Prosperity. Prosperity can mean wealth, success, rich, affluent, and living peacefully to you. But whatever it means, make sure you follow the keys below strictly. The keys are:
1. Put God first in all your dealings.
2. Discover your purpose and dedicate your life to fulfilling it. Don’t die with your music still inside you, die totally empty
3. Deliver your creativity to the masses (for a small fee)
4. Choose your soul mate very carefully
5. Figure out your strengths and weaknesses and improve both.
6. Network with like mind. (find good friends, who are going where you are going, & conspire to aspire before you expire). Understand that your friends are a prophecy of your future
7. Keep balance between your finances, relationships, health, spirituality & happiness
8. Use fear, defeat, failure to your personal growth and development.
9. Leverage technology, as well as other people’s time & money for the greatest good of all
10. Recognize that you have all that the greatest of men have had
11. Keep a neat groomed appearance and dress your best everyday. First impression matters a lot.
12. Save more money than you spend
13. Invest in yourself via books and education
14. Listen more than you speak
15. Be wise and seek financial expert advice as regards your financial investment.
16. Don't bite more than you can chew.
17. Be your best and give your best effort in life
18. Live responsibly, never compromise your values and standard.
19. Seek to grow everyday
20. Plan your days and your life
21. Find good mentorship and counselors that challenge you to change
22. Dream big, pursue your dreams and follow your heart more than your head.
23. Be kind to strangers (e.g. say hello).
24. Forgive those who have offended you (all of them) and forgive yourself.
25. Be loving and kind and charismatic
26. Never ponder on a negative thought. Let positive emotions be your companion. Realize that your thoughts become your reality
27. Attend a Marriage Workshop or Seminar (before and after you get married)
28. Don't overwork yourself. Take break, have fun, and enjoy the best the life can bring.
29. Take good care of the people that take care of you
30. Become both a hard and a smart worker
31. Express yourself fully by always having that necessary difficult conversation as to avoid stifling a relationship (especially with a spouse)
32. Cultivate the joy of reading good books that develop your mind; readers are leaders
33. Create a theme for each year, a single focus, and accomplish it (e.g. Spousal Relationship Improvement, Finances, et cetera)
34. Have close relationships with your wife and family.
35. Don’t make excuses and never complain. Too much of excuses and nagging can break you.
36. Keep a to-do list and do the most important things first
37. Exercise is good for the body. Take time out for it.
38. Have appropriate insurance policy.
39. When you have all it takes, have a written Will. Know that where there is will, there is a way.
40. Be confident and look people in the eyes.
41. Know that you are priceless and that you deserve the very best. Never underrate yourself.
42. Connect with the spiritual side of you.
43. Take care of your body; eat good food, rest, sleep and relax, visit your doctor at least once in a year.
44. Respect your parents, those in authority and every other person who deserve to be respected.
45. Study your respective field of endeavour and successful people
46. Give away a portion of what you earn to charitable work that you believe in
47. Live consciously and decide to be happy. Live to please the creator and not the creation.
48. When you have children, discipline your children appropriately and spend more time with them.
49. Have no secrets that you keep from your soul mate and family.
50. Remember that everyone makes mistakes. Learn to use mistakes to your advantage.
51. Understand the protocol of every environment you enter. When you are in Rome, behave like the Romans.
52. Travel and see the world
53. Meditate and visualize success daily.
54. Never stop learning. Pursue a good education, one that is appropriate for you
55. Make honesty, faithfulness, and integrity your priority to everyone around you.
56. Live peacefully will all men. Love and work towards being loved
57. Live a life that would make your children and your entire family proud of you.
58. Be courageous, you were born an original, don’t die a copy. You're a master piece.
59. Embrace excellence in every thing you do.
60. Keep your home, office and cars clean.
61. Have a budget and stay committed to it.
62. Have daily, weekly, and monthly goals that stretch you
63. Find out where you came from and where you’re going to go when you die.
64. Solve other people’s problems
65. Know that the ‘me’ you see is the ‘me’ you will be
66. Have faith in your ability to succeed
67. Always ponder on 3 journey of life; where are you coming from?, where are you now?, and where are you going?
68. Get into action today
69. Last but not least, always follow livelifetips.blogspot.com.
Thank you for reading. If you’ve enjoyed reading this article please pass it on to other.
To your ultimate prosperity, MA.
1. Put God first in all your dealings.
2. Discover your purpose and dedicate your life to fulfilling it. Don’t die with your music still inside you, die totally empty
3. Deliver your creativity to the masses (for a small fee)
4. Choose your soul mate very carefully
5. Figure out your strengths and weaknesses and improve both.
6. Network with like mind. (find good friends, who are going where you are going, & conspire to aspire before you expire). Understand that your friends are a prophecy of your future
7. Keep balance between your finances, relationships, health, spirituality & happiness
8. Use fear, defeat, failure to your personal growth and development.
9. Leverage technology, as well as other people’s time & money for the greatest good of all
10. Recognize that you have all that the greatest of men have had
11. Keep a neat groomed appearance and dress your best everyday. First impression matters a lot.
12. Save more money than you spend
13. Invest in yourself via books and education
14. Listen more than you speak
15. Be wise and seek financial expert advice as regards your financial investment.
16. Don't bite more than you can chew.
17. Be your best and give your best effort in life
18. Live responsibly, never compromise your values and standard.
19. Seek to grow everyday
20. Plan your days and your life
21. Find good mentorship and counselors that challenge you to change
22. Dream big, pursue your dreams and follow your heart more than your head.
23. Be kind to strangers (e.g. say hello).
24. Forgive those who have offended you (all of them) and forgive yourself.
25. Be loving and kind and charismatic
26. Never ponder on a negative thought. Let positive emotions be your companion. Realize that your thoughts become your reality
27. Attend a Marriage Workshop or Seminar (before and after you get married)
28. Don't overwork yourself. Take break, have fun, and enjoy the best the life can bring.
29. Take good care of the people that take care of you
30. Become both a hard and a smart worker
31. Express yourself fully by always having that necessary difficult conversation as to avoid stifling a relationship (especially with a spouse)
32. Cultivate the joy of reading good books that develop your mind; readers are leaders
33. Create a theme for each year, a single focus, and accomplish it (e.g. Spousal Relationship Improvement, Finances, et cetera)
34. Have close relationships with your wife and family.
35. Don’t make excuses and never complain. Too much of excuses and nagging can break you.
36. Keep a to-do list and do the most important things first
37. Exercise is good for the body. Take time out for it.
38. Have appropriate insurance policy.
39. When you have all it takes, have a written Will. Know that where there is will, there is a way.
40. Be confident and look people in the eyes.
41. Know that you are priceless and that you deserve the very best. Never underrate yourself.
42. Connect with the spiritual side of you.
43. Take care of your body; eat good food, rest, sleep and relax, visit your doctor at least once in a year.
44. Respect your parents, those in authority and every other person who deserve to be respected.
45. Study your respective field of endeavour and successful people
46. Give away a portion of what you earn to charitable work that you believe in
47. Live consciously and decide to be happy. Live to please the creator and not the creation.
48. When you have children, discipline your children appropriately and spend more time with them.
49. Have no secrets that you keep from your soul mate and family.
50. Remember that everyone makes mistakes. Learn to use mistakes to your advantage.
51. Understand the protocol of every environment you enter. When you are in Rome, behave like the Romans.
52. Travel and see the world
53. Meditate and visualize success daily.
54. Never stop learning. Pursue a good education, one that is appropriate for you
55. Make honesty, faithfulness, and integrity your priority to everyone around you.
56. Live peacefully will all men. Love and work towards being loved
57. Live a life that would make your children and your entire family proud of you.
58. Be courageous, you were born an original, don’t die a copy. You're a master piece.
59. Embrace excellence in every thing you do.
60. Keep your home, office and cars clean.
61. Have a budget and stay committed to it.
62. Have daily, weekly, and monthly goals that stretch you
63. Find out where you came from and where you’re going to go when you die.
64. Solve other people’s problems
65. Know that the ‘me’ you see is the ‘me’ you will be
66. Have faith in your ability to succeed
67. Always ponder on 3 journey of life; where are you coming from?, where are you now?, and where are you going?
68. Get into action today
69. Last but not least, always follow livelifetips.blogspot.com.
Thank you for reading. If you’ve enjoyed reading this article please pass it on to other.
To your ultimate prosperity, MA.
Tuesday, 19 November 2013
AN OPEN LETTER TO WOMEN.
Dear women,
You are jewel of inestimable value.
I know the men won't be happy with me when they discover the hidden treasure in this letter. I have the intention of sending it out with utmost secrecy but I have made it open because of the love I have for my mother. In our society today, the real value of the women has been far undervalued, under-appreciated and trampled on. Women played a role in paving the way for men to live better lives.
We tend to value things that we can touch, see, or understand with our logical. But the real essence of who you are as woman is beyond form, dancing in the unseen, intangible realms.
Maybe you didn't get my point. You shouldn't be the one that will be showcasing your treasure in front of a camera because of stipend. Dancing might be your passion but it is all about styles and not showing off your boobs. You can learn lots of dancing steps from Kaffy (a nigerian born dancer popularly known as kaffy, the dancing queen). There you go again half-naked all in the name of fashion. Do you think you can attract real men with this? I doubt ! You can only attract dog.
The magic of the feminine is your mystery.
As a woman, one of your gifts is your profound intuition. You sense, see, and feel things beyond the physical. You know things way in advance. People may call you crazy, unreasonable, even unrealistic, but know that nothing revolutionary was created by dreaming small and buying into limitations.
We need your feminine gifts now on this planet more than ever in human history. We need your vision and your multi-dimensional sensitivity.
You as a woman have that magical ability to breathe life into something where there was nothing and give it form. Out of you, we are all birthed. For every human being alive, you were our first home for nine months. You have the best prison so far. A comfortable prison better than that of Kirikiri and Alagbon in Lagos, Nigeria. Out of you, we were literally formed and came into this world. Without you, we wouldn’t be here.
There is a reason that when you love, you light up a room. Because it comes with happiness. But if I may ask, why are you so mean, deceptive, and dishonest about your true feelings sometimes?
There is a reason that when you give yourself to your man and support him with your heart’s devotion, his entire life transforms giving room for increased income, healthy living and much more.
Your value is not in how you look, how much you weigh, how nice your skin is, whether you have no wrinkles or cellulite. Just you being an open-hearted, radiant, blessing force of love…you are the gift in itself.
So, never sell your heart, body, or soul for love. The love you will get this way isn’t real. And maybe you don't know this. Your power is far beyond the supermodel hips, shining white teeth, beautiful face among others. When people say use what you have to get what you want, they are not telling you to give out your body to be connected or to get what you want. It implies using the knowledge and wisdom bestowed on you by God to find your way. Learn from Queen Esther in the bible. You are not to be treated like an irritating obstacle or a sexual convenience.
Lest I forget, don't be deceived that education is not for you and that your education is in the kitchen. If education is good for men, it is equally good for you. You can ask Okonjo Iweala in my absence. She's in best position to explain better. Or maybe you have the intention of being educated but you hang up due to challenges coming your way, I would have suggested you read the biography of Oprah Winfrey to see how she used challenges to attain greatness.
Stay true to who you are and your inner knowing. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give us as men: Your authentic heart’s offering. If you aren’t you because you want us to love you, then we don’t really have YOU any ways.
You being fully self-expressed as the feminine is the gift. There is nothing you need to DO and nothing you need to prove, all I know is that your presence is everything.
As a woman, you are a profound alchemical portal of transformation for us men. You are a Universe of infinite wonder where all of life exists.
I don't think you know the power you have in the depth of your heart to move universe with simply the blink of an eye or a smile
I don't think you really know the power you have to resurrect a life and give hope just with your compassion and care
I don't think you really know the power you have to shape the future of humanity with the way you love and discipline a child.
I don't think you realise how special you are as a woman.
Do you know your true worth in society?
If you do, then why do you settle for less than you deserve? Why do you allow yourself to be treated as a second class citizen? Why don’t you become all that you can and should be? Why do you wait for men to determine and dictate your future?
Woman-of-today, you can be everything if you are willing to work hard enough. The time of being a housewife and depending on a man is long gone. This is your time to liberate yourself psychologically, physically, financially and otherwise. The time to be empowered is now. Don't allow low self-esteem to override you.
With you, there is possibility.
With you, I feel like I can touch the skies.
With you, I can move the mountain.
I have been trying to write an open letter to men as well despite my busy schedule. Maybe you have something you want me to tell them (the men), you can talk to me. I promise to include your points in the letter. Before then, Women, you can help men become real men! Most importantly, we want to feel admired by you. Help us to know that you love us just as we are, even if there is room for improvement. Do this by giving us words of validation; praise us for the things we do well. This means more to us than we let on.
In return, we will make sure that you feel loved and cherished by us. We will learn to talk with you so you can be heard and understood, not so that we can tell you how to solve your problems. We'll also try to learn to express how we feel without withdrawing or getting angry. With polished communication we can learn that what makes you happy makes us happy too! Please....
In closing,
I see you.
I respect you.
I cherish you,
I adore you, and
I love you.
Yours truly,
Matthew.
Share With A Friend
Know someone who might be interested in reading this? Why not share it with them!
Get Involved!
Follow me on Twitter.
Become a fan on Facebook.
Connect with me on LinkedIn.
Go Mobile!
Check my contact page for more info.
You are jewel of inestimable value.
I know the men won't be happy with me when they discover the hidden treasure in this letter. I have the intention of sending it out with utmost secrecy but I have made it open because of the love I have for my mother. In our society today, the real value of the women has been far undervalued, under-appreciated and trampled on. Women played a role in paving the way for men to live better lives.
We tend to value things that we can touch, see, or understand with our logical. But the real essence of who you are as woman is beyond form, dancing in the unseen, intangible realms.
Maybe you didn't get my point. You shouldn't be the one that will be showcasing your treasure in front of a camera because of stipend. Dancing might be your passion but it is all about styles and not showing off your boobs. You can learn lots of dancing steps from Kaffy (a nigerian born dancer popularly known as kaffy, the dancing queen). There you go again half-naked all in the name of fashion. Do you think you can attract real men with this? I doubt ! You can only attract dog.
The magic of the feminine is your mystery.
As a woman, one of your gifts is your profound intuition. You sense, see, and feel things beyond the physical. You know things way in advance. People may call you crazy, unreasonable, even unrealistic, but know that nothing revolutionary was created by dreaming small and buying into limitations.
We need your feminine gifts now on this planet more than ever in human history. We need your vision and your multi-dimensional sensitivity.
You as a woman have that magical ability to breathe life into something where there was nothing and give it form. Out of you, we are all birthed. For every human being alive, you were our first home for nine months. You have the best prison so far. A comfortable prison better than that of Kirikiri and Alagbon in Lagos, Nigeria. Out of you, we were literally formed and came into this world. Without you, we wouldn’t be here.
There is a reason that when you love, you light up a room. Because it comes with happiness. But if I may ask, why are you so mean, deceptive, and dishonest about your true feelings sometimes?
There is a reason that when you give yourself to your man and support him with your heart’s devotion, his entire life transforms giving room for increased income, healthy living and much more.
Your value is not in how you look, how much you weigh, how nice your skin is, whether you have no wrinkles or cellulite. Just you being an open-hearted, radiant, blessing force of love…you are the gift in itself.
So, never sell your heart, body, or soul for love. The love you will get this way isn’t real. And maybe you don't know this. Your power is far beyond the supermodel hips, shining white teeth, beautiful face among others. When people say use what you have to get what you want, they are not telling you to give out your body to be connected or to get what you want. It implies using the knowledge and wisdom bestowed on you by God to find your way. Learn from Queen Esther in the bible. You are not to be treated like an irritating obstacle or a sexual convenience.
Lest I forget, don't be deceived that education is not for you and that your education is in the kitchen. If education is good for men, it is equally good for you. You can ask Okonjo Iweala in my absence. She's in best position to explain better. Or maybe you have the intention of being educated but you hang up due to challenges coming your way, I would have suggested you read the biography of Oprah Winfrey to see how she used challenges to attain greatness.
Stay true to who you are and your inner knowing. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give us as men: Your authentic heart’s offering. If you aren’t you because you want us to love you, then we don’t really have YOU any ways.
You being fully self-expressed as the feminine is the gift. There is nothing you need to DO and nothing you need to prove, all I know is that your presence is everything.
As a woman, you are a profound alchemical portal of transformation for us men. You are a Universe of infinite wonder where all of life exists.
I don't think you know the power you have in the depth of your heart to move universe with simply the blink of an eye or a smile
I don't think you really know the power you have to resurrect a life and give hope just with your compassion and care
I don't think you really know the power you have to shape the future of humanity with the way you love and discipline a child.
I don't think you realise how special you are as a woman.
Do you know your true worth in society?
If you do, then why do you settle for less than you deserve? Why do you allow yourself to be treated as a second class citizen? Why don’t you become all that you can and should be? Why do you wait for men to determine and dictate your future?
Woman-of-today, you can be everything if you are willing to work hard enough. The time of being a housewife and depending on a man is long gone. This is your time to liberate yourself psychologically, physically, financially and otherwise. The time to be empowered is now. Don't allow low self-esteem to override you.
With you, there is possibility.
With you, I feel like I can touch the skies.
With you, I can move the mountain.
I have been trying to write an open letter to men as well despite my busy schedule. Maybe you have something you want me to tell them (the men), you can talk to me. I promise to include your points in the letter. Before then, Women, you can help men become real men! Most importantly, we want to feel admired by you. Help us to know that you love us just as we are, even if there is room for improvement. Do this by giving us words of validation; praise us for the things we do well. This means more to us than we let on.
In return, we will make sure that you feel loved and cherished by us. We will learn to talk with you so you can be heard and understood, not so that we can tell you how to solve your problems. We'll also try to learn to express how we feel without withdrawing or getting angry. With polished communication we can learn that what makes you happy makes us happy too! Please....
In closing,
I see you.
I respect you.
I cherish you,
I adore you, and
I love you.
Yours truly,
Matthew.
Share With A Friend
Know someone who might be interested in reading this? Why not share it with them!
Get Involved!
Follow me on Twitter.
Become a fan on Facebook.
Connect with me on LinkedIn.
Go Mobile!
Check my contact page for more info.
Monday, 18 November 2013
CHARACTERISTICS OF AN IDEAL SPOUSE.
Before looking into the traits of an ideal spouse, we need to know the meaning of an ideal spouse. The question then is, who is an ideal spouse? According to an online dictionary, an ideal spouse is a person considered to represent perfection.
There may be no such thing as the perfect spouse, but an ideal spouse can be found in someone who has developed themselves in certain ways that go beyond the surface. While we each seek out a specific set of qualities that is uniquely meaningful to us alone, there are certain psychological traits both you and your spouse can aim for that make the flame not only stronger, more passionate and more fulfilling, but also far less likely to die out the moment the clock strikes midnight.
Before getting married, try to figure out the following:
1. Maturity - One common criticism people make about their partners is that they need to “grow up.” What many of us fail to recognize is that growing up is not merely a matter of acting like an adult. Maturity is all about being grown up. To truly grow up means making an active effort to recognize and resolve negative influences from our past. An ideal partner is thus willing to reflect on his or her history and is interested in understanding how old events inform current behaviors. When people mature emotionally, they are less likely to re-enact or project past experiences onto their current relationships.
2. Basis of an attraction - I wouldn’t marry someone who I wasn’t attracted to in some significant way. Now, everyone’s not going to marry an “intelligent queen”, but finding a person who you’re attracted to physically and mentally will “serve you well” throughout your marriage.
3. Honesty & Integrity
The ideal spouse realizes the importance of honesty in a close relationship. Honesty builds trust between people. Dishonesty confuses the other person, betraying their vulnerability and shattering their sense of reality. Nothing has a more destructive impact on a close relationship between two people than dishonesty and deception. I think. If you catch someone constantly being dishonest, this is certainly a “red flag” that something is very wrong. You should feel comfortable knowing that whatever your partner says is “true. Honesty is the best policy. The ideal partner strives to live a life of integrity so that there are no discrepancies between words and actions.
4. They’re different yet the same – It’s true that opposites attract, but it’s also true that birds of a feather flock together. It’s okay that your partner is “introvert” while you’re “extrovert." This differences will bring balance to your relationship. However, your core beliefs should remain the same.
5. Openness in communication – The ideal partner is open, undefended and willing to be vulnerable. No human being is perfect, so finding someone who is approachable and receptive to feedback can be a huge asset to a lasting union. When someone is free-thinking and open-minded, it enables them to be forthright in expressing feelings, thoughts, dreams and desires, which allows you to truly know them. You should keep all communications open. Conversations should lead to deeper understanding's of the person you’re with.
6. Sense of Humor - The ideal partner has a sense of Humor. A sense of humor can be a lifesaver in a relationship. The ability to laugh at one’s self and at life’s foibles allows a person to maintain a proper perspective when dealing with sensitive issues that arise within the relationship. Couples who are playful and teasing often defuse potentially volatile situations with their humor. A good sense of humor definitely eases the tense moments in a relationship. Being able to laugh at ourselves makes life much easier.
7. They love being together – You need to find someone who likes spending time with you, and who you like spending time with. Spending quality time together is why you marry someone to begin with, if you don’t want to be around your partner constantly, you should probably remain “single.” Hold out for someone who you love spending time with, and who loves to spend time with you.
8. They prize you above everyone else – Marry someone who values you above their friends. If you’re not valued above their friends, then their friends will have priority in your relationship…when a decision has to be made, you may be the last person asked. It is good to be where you're celebrated than tolerated.
9. The patterns of life – You should be able to see patterns in your partner’s life. Has the person always been very disciplined, lazy, aggressive, or nice? What are the positive and negative habits and patterns in this person’s life? Can you live with these patterns and/or habits? Life happens in cycles, discover the life cycles of your partner; make sure you’re excited about those cycles.
10. You have a lot in common – You hang out in the same spots, you have the same ground about number of children to be raised, your goals tally in one way or the other, you like the same things; you’re headed in the same direction. Why is this important? Because marriage is not the goal; it’s only the starting line of the race. You and your partner need to be headed in the same direction in this race. It would be wise to discover where your partner is going before you marry them, and it would also be wise to know where you’re going. If you're unaware of this, we have a classic case of the blind leading the blind; both of you will end-up in a ditch. Not that you’ll know everything in the present moment, but you should know a majority of the important things.
11. Your friends like the person – In other words, the “unbiased” people in your life like the person. If none of your friends like the person you’re marrying, you may want to re-think your decision. Your friends sometimes see things that you are unwilling to see.
12. The motives are pure – Look for a spouse who wants “you for you.” Someone with pure motives; they’re not trying to get something out of the deal. They’re not a vampire looking to suck your blood; they’re seeking to give. They’re not going to subtract from your life, they’re going to add to your life.
13. They express how much they love you – Love is seen, love is action. If someone truly loves you, you will know it by their deeds, not just by their words. Make sure your partner’s actions are indicative of someone who loves you. Their words should match their actions, and their actions should match their words.
14. They don’t believe in divorce – Simply put, if divorce is an option for your relationship, then you have a much greater chance of getting a divorce. As a couple you must make the conscious decision to work through your problems.
15. They give to you – They buy you things, no matter how small, or if they don’t have any money…they make dinner for you, give you foot rubs, they cater to you.
16. They’re not self-centred – They desire to see you fulfilled. A good partner is concerned about your dreams, wishes and goals. They are willing to work to ensure you accomplish everything you desire to accomplish!
17. Opinion as regards affection and sex - The ideal partner is easily affectionate and responsive on many levels: physically, emotionally and verbally. They are personal, acknowledging and outwardly demonstrative of feelings of warmth and tenderness. They enjoy closeness in being sexual and are uninhibited in freely giving and accepting affection and pleasure during lovemaking.
18. Commitment, Caring and Courteous - these 3C's are very important one that must be manifested in the life of an ideal partner. An ideal partner must show reasonable commitment to what concerns you. He or she must be caring and nice.
19. Empathy and understanding - The ideal spouse perceives their mate on both an intellectual, observational level and an emotional, intuitive level. This spouse is able to both understand and empathize with their mate.
When a couple understands each other, they become aware of the commonalities that exist between them and also recognize and appreciate the differences. When both partners are empathic, that is, capable of communicating with feeling and with respect for the other person’s wants, attitudes and values, each partner feels understood and validated.
Conclusively, this article has been written to serve as a guide in identifying the signifying traits of an ideal spouse. Use the list as your gauge. However, don’t bother looking for these qualities, if you don’t first exemplify these qualities yourself, you will only attract what you are as indicated by Mr self development. It is what you have that attract others.
Wish you a peaceful and everlasting relationship leading to marriage.
To your ultimate successful relationship,
MA.
There may be no such thing as the perfect spouse, but an ideal spouse can be found in someone who has developed themselves in certain ways that go beyond the surface. While we each seek out a specific set of qualities that is uniquely meaningful to us alone, there are certain psychological traits both you and your spouse can aim for that make the flame not only stronger, more passionate and more fulfilling, but also far less likely to die out the moment the clock strikes midnight.
Before getting married, try to figure out the following:
1. Maturity - One common criticism people make about their partners is that they need to “grow up.” What many of us fail to recognize is that growing up is not merely a matter of acting like an adult. Maturity is all about being grown up. To truly grow up means making an active effort to recognize and resolve negative influences from our past. An ideal partner is thus willing to reflect on his or her history and is interested in understanding how old events inform current behaviors. When people mature emotionally, they are less likely to re-enact or project past experiences onto their current relationships.
2. Basis of an attraction - I wouldn’t marry someone who I wasn’t attracted to in some significant way. Now, everyone’s not going to marry an “intelligent queen”, but finding a person who you’re attracted to physically and mentally will “serve you well” throughout your marriage.
3. Honesty & Integrity
The ideal spouse realizes the importance of honesty in a close relationship. Honesty builds trust between people. Dishonesty confuses the other person, betraying their vulnerability and shattering their sense of reality. Nothing has a more destructive impact on a close relationship between two people than dishonesty and deception. I think. If you catch someone constantly being dishonest, this is certainly a “red flag” that something is very wrong. You should feel comfortable knowing that whatever your partner says is “true. Honesty is the best policy. The ideal partner strives to live a life of integrity so that there are no discrepancies between words and actions.
4. They’re different yet the same – It’s true that opposites attract, but it’s also true that birds of a feather flock together. It’s okay that your partner is “introvert” while you’re “extrovert." This differences will bring balance to your relationship. However, your core beliefs should remain the same.
5. Openness in communication – The ideal partner is open, undefended and willing to be vulnerable. No human being is perfect, so finding someone who is approachable and receptive to feedback can be a huge asset to a lasting union. When someone is free-thinking and open-minded, it enables them to be forthright in expressing feelings, thoughts, dreams and desires, which allows you to truly know them. You should keep all communications open. Conversations should lead to deeper understanding's of the person you’re with.
6. Sense of Humor - The ideal partner has a sense of Humor. A sense of humor can be a lifesaver in a relationship. The ability to laugh at one’s self and at life’s foibles allows a person to maintain a proper perspective when dealing with sensitive issues that arise within the relationship. Couples who are playful and teasing often defuse potentially volatile situations with their humor. A good sense of humor definitely eases the tense moments in a relationship. Being able to laugh at ourselves makes life much easier.
7. They love being together – You need to find someone who likes spending time with you, and who you like spending time with. Spending quality time together is why you marry someone to begin with, if you don’t want to be around your partner constantly, you should probably remain “single.” Hold out for someone who you love spending time with, and who loves to spend time with you.
8. They prize you above everyone else – Marry someone who values you above their friends. If you’re not valued above their friends, then their friends will have priority in your relationship…when a decision has to be made, you may be the last person asked. It is good to be where you're celebrated than tolerated.
9. The patterns of life – You should be able to see patterns in your partner’s life. Has the person always been very disciplined, lazy, aggressive, or nice? What are the positive and negative habits and patterns in this person’s life? Can you live with these patterns and/or habits? Life happens in cycles, discover the life cycles of your partner; make sure you’re excited about those cycles.
10. You have a lot in common – You hang out in the same spots, you have the same ground about number of children to be raised, your goals tally in one way or the other, you like the same things; you’re headed in the same direction. Why is this important? Because marriage is not the goal; it’s only the starting line of the race. You and your partner need to be headed in the same direction in this race. It would be wise to discover where your partner is going before you marry them, and it would also be wise to know where you’re going. If you're unaware of this, we have a classic case of the blind leading the blind; both of you will end-up in a ditch. Not that you’ll know everything in the present moment, but you should know a majority of the important things.
11. Your friends like the person – In other words, the “unbiased” people in your life like the person. If none of your friends like the person you’re marrying, you may want to re-think your decision. Your friends sometimes see things that you are unwilling to see.
12. The motives are pure – Look for a spouse who wants “you for you.” Someone with pure motives; they’re not trying to get something out of the deal. They’re not a vampire looking to suck your blood; they’re seeking to give. They’re not going to subtract from your life, they’re going to add to your life.
13. They express how much they love you – Love is seen, love is action. If someone truly loves you, you will know it by their deeds, not just by their words. Make sure your partner’s actions are indicative of someone who loves you. Their words should match their actions, and their actions should match their words.
14. They don’t believe in divorce – Simply put, if divorce is an option for your relationship, then you have a much greater chance of getting a divorce. As a couple you must make the conscious decision to work through your problems.
15. They give to you – They buy you things, no matter how small, or if they don’t have any money…they make dinner for you, give you foot rubs, they cater to you.
16. They’re not self-centred – They desire to see you fulfilled. A good partner is concerned about your dreams, wishes and goals. They are willing to work to ensure you accomplish everything you desire to accomplish!
17. Opinion as regards affection and sex - The ideal partner is easily affectionate and responsive on many levels: physically, emotionally and verbally. They are personal, acknowledging and outwardly demonstrative of feelings of warmth and tenderness. They enjoy closeness in being sexual and are uninhibited in freely giving and accepting affection and pleasure during lovemaking.
18. Commitment, Caring and Courteous - these 3C's are very important one that must be manifested in the life of an ideal partner. An ideal partner must show reasonable commitment to what concerns you. He or she must be caring and nice.
19. Empathy and understanding - The ideal spouse perceives their mate on both an intellectual, observational level and an emotional, intuitive level. This spouse is able to both understand and empathize with their mate.
When a couple understands each other, they become aware of the commonalities that exist between them and also recognize and appreciate the differences. When both partners are empathic, that is, capable of communicating with feeling and with respect for the other person’s wants, attitudes and values, each partner feels understood and validated.
Conclusively, this article has been written to serve as a guide in identifying the signifying traits of an ideal spouse. Use the list as your gauge. However, don’t bother looking for these qualities, if you don’t first exemplify these qualities yourself, you will only attract what you are as indicated by Mr self development. It is what you have that attract others.
Wish you a peaceful and everlasting relationship leading to marriage.
To your ultimate successful relationship,
MA.
Sunday, 17 November 2013
ABC's OF GREATNESS AND OR SUCCESS.
As I lie on my bed I felt inspired to write a list from A-Z consisting of the many “components” of greatness. I believe if you read this list daily your life will become more prosperous and successful.
Pondering on the words below will cause a gradual shift in your thinking. This list will stretch your mind and expand the horizons of your life. Read it often, and your life will never be the same:
A – Awake the giant or greatness within: Every individual in life has a special talent within that need to be explored. You have everything you need on the inside of you to live a life of happiness. Your greatness is in line with your passion and purpose. You have within you, right now, the ability to achieve almost any goal that you can set for yourself. Strive to unlock it.
B – Best: You deserve to have the very best. Don’t settle for less than the best. Don’t expect less than the best. Don’t accept less than the best.
C – Confidence: You must believe in yourself before anybody else will believe in you. If you look down on yourself nobody will look up to you. Be confident.
D – Determination: You must be determined to reach your destiny by “filing” the demand that you were created to fill. With a strong determination, you can succeed easily.
E – Empty Yourself: You have music to be sung to the world; empty yourself before you leave this planet. Don’t die with the pregnant in you.
F – Failure: Failure is the path to success. The fact is that successful people fail far more often than unsuccessful people. Successful people try more things, fall down, pick themselves up and try again, over and over, and again and again before they win through. Unsuccessful people try a few things that is if they try at all, and once they fail, quit and go back to what they were doing before. You should expect to fail and fall short many times before you achieve your goals. You should look upon failure and temporary defeat as a part of the price that you pay on your road to success that you will inevitably achieve. As Henry Ford once said, “failure is merely an opportunity to more diligently begin again.”
G – God: No matter your religion, you must trust and put God first. Always put your trust in him and I bet you won’t be disappointed. He makes everything happen. Be grateful to God for the limitless abundance that surrounds you while holding on to Him to do more. Always call on God to direct your life affairs.
H – Happiness and Habits: Happiness opens the door for prosperity. Your habits determine your prosperity.
I – Intention: You must intend to prosper and achieve greatness. If you have good intention about yourself and others, you will definitely be who you want to be.
J – Just Do It: Don’t wait, tomorrow never come. The best time is now. The primary difference between high achievers and low achievers is “action orientation.” Men and women who achieve or accomplish tremendous thing in life are intensely action oriented.
K – Knowledge: Seek knowledge at all cost (what you don’t know will cost you). Knowledge is necessary for progress because it is power.
L –Love: Love yourself, love God, and love the people you serve.
M – Money: Expect and accept money for the priceless services that you render. But do remember that money is not everything. Work towards living an unforgotten landmark behind.
N – Negate Negativity: Positivity breeds positivity likewise negativity breeds negativity. Always fill your mind with positive emotions. Remember, as Gay Zukacs say in his book, seat of soul, positive emotions empower; negative emotions disempower. The greatest enemies of success and happiness are negative emotions, of all kinds. It is negative emotions that hold you down, tire you out and take away all your happiness in life.
O – Opportunity: Look for opportunity, it probably won’t come to you directly. You have to search for it amidst of all setbacks and problems. Be optimistic to see opportunities as they lie amidst of problems.
P – Plan: Is there something you want to achieve? Start to plan towards it now. Proper planning prevents poor performance. You must create a good plan and follow it daily. You can set goals to guide you in planning procedure.
Q – Quit waiting: There is nothing to be gained in remaining static. You need to explore your world. Go out, search for the truth, do what you consider necessary for your success. Stagnant water spreads germs likewise if you remain at a spot, you will spread poverty to your generation. Waste no time waiting. Once you’re sure of your direction, start moving. Time and tide wait for no man. A minute waste standing without cause can never be regained.
R – Read and Research: Read about prosperity, success, greatness often. The more you read and research, the more you have access to hidden treasures. I want you to know that nothing is hidden except it is a treasure and nothing is found except it is a secret. Readers are leaders! Become a learned person.
S – Set goals: Your ability to set goals is the master skill of success. Set goals that are SMART today. Smart is an acronym for Specific (it must indicates what you truly want to achieve), Measurable (let your goals be something quantifiable), Attainable (you may have tall dreams but make sure your goals are not higher than what you can achieve), Realistic (be realistic about what you want your goals to achieve) and Time bound (you must indicate the time framed for achieving your set goals).
T – Trust change: The only thing that is constant in life is change. Trust change occurring in your life now. Don’t be compelled to stay in comfort zone. Many people become so complacent with their current situation. They become so comfortable with their status in the society, the current place of work, salary earning that they become so reluctant to make any changes at all, even for the better. The comfort zone is a major obstacle to ambition, desire, determination and accomplishment. Don’t let this happen to you. If there is a way for you to move forward, trust it and go for it.
U – Uniqueness: Greatness is birth from your uniqueness, your difference. Be unique in your own way. Originality matter a lot.
V – Visualize: You must picture whatever you want to achieve in your mind before you go for it. If you can dream it, you can achieve it. Visualize your prosperity, success and greatness before you can have it. You must have success or greatness in your mind, before you can have success or greatness in your hand. Visualize your future victories in vivid detail every day.
W –Winning Attitude: You must have a winning attitude; you must know that you will win! You must commit to win no matter how long it takes.
X – X-ray – Examine yourself. Examine your motives. Live a life of purity.
Y – Yield Yourself to Inspiration – Give yourself over to your inspiration, work from your heart, not just from your head.
Z – Zeal – Whatever you do, do it with zeal and zest. The zeal to become will catapult your current level to desired greatness level.
Read this list as often as possible, it will change your consciousness and your life.
To your ultimate success,
MA.
Pondering on the words below will cause a gradual shift in your thinking. This list will stretch your mind and expand the horizons of your life. Read it often, and your life will never be the same:
A – Awake the giant or greatness within: Every individual in life has a special talent within that need to be explored. You have everything you need on the inside of you to live a life of happiness. Your greatness is in line with your passion and purpose. You have within you, right now, the ability to achieve almost any goal that you can set for yourself. Strive to unlock it.
B – Best: You deserve to have the very best. Don’t settle for less than the best. Don’t expect less than the best. Don’t accept less than the best.
C – Confidence: You must believe in yourself before anybody else will believe in you. If you look down on yourself nobody will look up to you. Be confident.
D – Determination: You must be determined to reach your destiny by “filing” the demand that you were created to fill. With a strong determination, you can succeed easily.
E – Empty Yourself: You have music to be sung to the world; empty yourself before you leave this planet. Don’t die with the pregnant in you.
F – Failure: Failure is the path to success. The fact is that successful people fail far more often than unsuccessful people. Successful people try more things, fall down, pick themselves up and try again, over and over, and again and again before they win through. Unsuccessful people try a few things that is if they try at all, and once they fail, quit and go back to what they were doing before. You should expect to fail and fall short many times before you achieve your goals. You should look upon failure and temporary defeat as a part of the price that you pay on your road to success that you will inevitably achieve. As Henry Ford once said, “failure is merely an opportunity to more diligently begin again.”
G – God: No matter your religion, you must trust and put God first. Always put your trust in him and I bet you won’t be disappointed. He makes everything happen. Be grateful to God for the limitless abundance that surrounds you while holding on to Him to do more. Always call on God to direct your life affairs.
H – Happiness and Habits: Happiness opens the door for prosperity. Your habits determine your prosperity.
I – Intention: You must intend to prosper and achieve greatness. If you have good intention about yourself and others, you will definitely be who you want to be.
J – Just Do It: Don’t wait, tomorrow never come. The best time is now. The primary difference between high achievers and low achievers is “action orientation.” Men and women who achieve or accomplish tremendous thing in life are intensely action oriented.
K – Knowledge: Seek knowledge at all cost (what you don’t know will cost you). Knowledge is necessary for progress because it is power.
L –Love: Love yourself, love God, and love the people you serve.
M – Money: Expect and accept money for the priceless services that you render. But do remember that money is not everything. Work towards living an unforgotten landmark behind.
N – Negate Negativity: Positivity breeds positivity likewise negativity breeds negativity. Always fill your mind with positive emotions. Remember, as Gay Zukacs say in his book, seat of soul, positive emotions empower; negative emotions disempower. The greatest enemies of success and happiness are negative emotions, of all kinds. It is negative emotions that hold you down, tire you out and take away all your happiness in life.
O – Opportunity: Look for opportunity, it probably won’t come to you directly. You have to search for it amidst of all setbacks and problems. Be optimistic to see opportunities as they lie amidst of problems.
P – Plan: Is there something you want to achieve? Start to plan towards it now. Proper planning prevents poor performance. You must create a good plan and follow it daily. You can set goals to guide you in planning procedure.
Q – Quit waiting: There is nothing to be gained in remaining static. You need to explore your world. Go out, search for the truth, do what you consider necessary for your success. Stagnant water spreads germs likewise if you remain at a spot, you will spread poverty to your generation. Waste no time waiting. Once you’re sure of your direction, start moving. Time and tide wait for no man. A minute waste standing without cause can never be regained.
R – Read and Research: Read about prosperity, success, greatness often. The more you read and research, the more you have access to hidden treasures. I want you to know that nothing is hidden except it is a treasure and nothing is found except it is a secret. Readers are leaders! Become a learned person.
S – Set goals: Your ability to set goals is the master skill of success. Set goals that are SMART today. Smart is an acronym for Specific (it must indicates what you truly want to achieve), Measurable (let your goals be something quantifiable), Attainable (you may have tall dreams but make sure your goals are not higher than what you can achieve), Realistic (be realistic about what you want your goals to achieve) and Time bound (you must indicate the time framed for achieving your set goals).
T – Trust change: The only thing that is constant in life is change. Trust change occurring in your life now. Don’t be compelled to stay in comfort zone. Many people become so complacent with their current situation. They become so comfortable with their status in the society, the current place of work, salary earning that they become so reluctant to make any changes at all, even for the better. The comfort zone is a major obstacle to ambition, desire, determination and accomplishment. Don’t let this happen to you. If there is a way for you to move forward, trust it and go for it.
U – Uniqueness: Greatness is birth from your uniqueness, your difference. Be unique in your own way. Originality matter a lot.
V – Visualize: You must picture whatever you want to achieve in your mind before you go for it. If you can dream it, you can achieve it. Visualize your prosperity, success and greatness before you can have it. You must have success or greatness in your mind, before you can have success or greatness in your hand. Visualize your future victories in vivid detail every day.
W –Winning Attitude: You must have a winning attitude; you must know that you will win! You must commit to win no matter how long it takes.
X – X-ray – Examine yourself. Examine your motives. Live a life of purity.
Y – Yield Yourself to Inspiration – Give yourself over to your inspiration, work from your heart, not just from your head.
Z – Zeal – Whatever you do, do it with zeal and zest. The zeal to become will catapult your current level to desired greatness level.
Read this list as often as possible, it will change your consciousness and your life.
To your ultimate success,
MA.
Saturday, 16 November 2013
LIFE REGRETS.
Just imagine you receive a letter from above that tomorrow is your final day on earth or just assume you check the obituary column of a newspaper and you found your funeral arrangement clearly written just like Alfred Nobel-a bit morbid, I know but there’s a reason for it. I just want you to take time to think about what you’d like people to say about you when you are no more and also for you to ponder on what can make you unhappy when it is time for you to say goodbye to this world. What kind of a life do you want to lead? People die with all kinds of regrets. For instance:
Not accomplishing enough
You don’t have to build up a business empire like that of Warren Buffet (The brain behind Rim, Blackberry) or Aliko Dangote (Chairman, Aliko group), but having small personal accomplishments is important.
Not expressing your feeling to that special person
We all are afraid in one way or the other to express our true feeling to the person we love. It is not always our fault but as a result of fear of being turned down. But the fact is, we should always be outspoken to tell that person “I LOVE YOU” even if we’re being turned down.
Inability to take risks
Everyone has their own knowledge about what risk is all about. As a finance student, the higher the risk, the higher the returns. Opportunities walk with risks. A lot of people regret the risks they have missed when the time to make amendment is no longer available. Next time you come up against a risk or a challenge, listen to what you tell yourself and look for a way that that inner dialog can be improved. Ask yourself,“What would make this easier?”
Not giving more to yourself
Sometimes, it’s good to please everyone so that they won’t leave us for another person but at what expense? To me, it shouldn’t be at the detriment of our own happiness. You can never satisfy people in life no matter how hard you try. Human beings lack the spirit of contentment. Don’t say “yes” to taking on a task simply because you don’t want to rock the boat – you can politely decline requests you can’t meet and don’t need to create an excuse for it.
Worrying too much
The bible says, “through worrying, how many of you can add to yourself.” Start smiling and walk your way to the top. Worrying can’t solve your problem or pay your debt. Life is just more fun when you can laugh at yourself and stop worrying.
Not following your passion in life
As a result of not wanting to leave your comfort zone which is a regrettable zone to me, you never make an attempt to discover the why behind you living now. It’s so easy to be seduced by a stable salary, accommodation, official car, but at what expense? A lot of people stake their purpose on money, possessions, jobs etc but it is more than that. There is music in you to be sung to the world. Don’t die with it. Your passion is what you “cannot not” do without.
Not spending quality time with loved ones
Some people get caught up with business, office works, academics, travelling; hold grudges with family members and friends only to realize their priorities were in the wrong place.
Not growing the children to be who they wanted to be
As a parent you have no time to train your children in the way they should go or live their lives when you are agile. This becomes sensitive eternal regret at old age.
Not taking good care of yourself
You are too occupying that you have no time to look after your health, eat nice and tasty food, no quite appreciative time for sleep, rest and relaxation when you need to.
Travelling too little
Travelling is good because through it you have exposure to so many things. At least I have been to 6 African countries. A lot don’t see it as anything, some are born and breed in the village. I’m not trying to brag or insult anyone, just that the truth must be told. People do complaining of not having enough to travel or visit other countries, good to hear but the fact is amidst of scarcity lies plenteous. If you are determined to save towards it, you will surely break the jinx. Don’t live to regret this later on in life.
Not doing enough for other people
Some people are only concern about their lives which lead to regret later on in life. What we do for ourselves last for awhile but what we do to other last till eternity and is forever unforgotten. Strive to assist enough other people as much as you can for your story to be in their lips forever.
Not being appreciative
Lack of showing gratitude or appreciation to those that have helped us in one way or the other could be bothersome at the end.
Feeling sad all the time
Happiness is a state of mind. The more you make yourself happy, the better you are. Feeling sad won’t help the situation, it will only compound it.
Raising voice at your loved ones all the time
Life is short, and you never really know when the last time you speak to someone you love will be. It’s these moments that really stay clear in peoples’ minds.
Not taking chances
Life is all about chances. Never miss a chance. Take a chance on something new tomorrow. Anything, big or small, just takes a chance.
To your ultimate success, MA.
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Not accomplishing enough
You don’t have to build up a business empire like that of Warren Buffet (The brain behind Rim, Blackberry) or Aliko Dangote (Chairman, Aliko group), but having small personal accomplishments is important.
Not expressing your feeling to that special person
We all are afraid in one way or the other to express our true feeling to the person we love. It is not always our fault but as a result of fear of being turned down. But the fact is, we should always be outspoken to tell that person “I LOVE YOU” even if we’re being turned down.
Inability to take risks
Everyone has their own knowledge about what risk is all about. As a finance student, the higher the risk, the higher the returns. Opportunities walk with risks. A lot of people regret the risks they have missed when the time to make amendment is no longer available. Next time you come up against a risk or a challenge, listen to what you tell yourself and look for a way that that inner dialog can be improved. Ask yourself,“What would make this easier?”
Not giving more to yourself
Sometimes, it’s good to please everyone so that they won’t leave us for another person but at what expense? To me, it shouldn’t be at the detriment of our own happiness. You can never satisfy people in life no matter how hard you try. Human beings lack the spirit of contentment. Don’t say “yes” to taking on a task simply because you don’t want to rock the boat – you can politely decline requests you can’t meet and don’t need to create an excuse for it.
Worrying too much
The bible says, “through worrying, how many of you can add to yourself.” Start smiling and walk your way to the top. Worrying can’t solve your problem or pay your debt. Life is just more fun when you can laugh at yourself and stop worrying.
Not following your passion in life
As a result of not wanting to leave your comfort zone which is a regrettable zone to me, you never make an attempt to discover the why behind you living now. It’s so easy to be seduced by a stable salary, accommodation, official car, but at what expense? A lot of people stake their purpose on money, possessions, jobs etc but it is more than that. There is music in you to be sung to the world. Don’t die with it. Your passion is what you “cannot not” do without.
Not spending quality time with loved ones
Some people get caught up with business, office works, academics, travelling; hold grudges with family members and friends only to realize their priorities were in the wrong place.
Not growing the children to be who they wanted to be
As a parent you have no time to train your children in the way they should go or live their lives when you are agile. This becomes sensitive eternal regret at old age.
Not taking good care of yourself
You are too occupying that you have no time to look after your health, eat nice and tasty food, no quite appreciative time for sleep, rest and relaxation when you need to.
Travelling too little
Travelling is good because through it you have exposure to so many things. At least I have been to 6 African countries. A lot don’t see it as anything, some are born and breed in the village. I’m not trying to brag or insult anyone, just that the truth must be told. People do complaining of not having enough to travel or visit other countries, good to hear but the fact is amidst of scarcity lies plenteous. If you are determined to save towards it, you will surely break the jinx. Don’t live to regret this later on in life.
Not doing enough for other people
Some people are only concern about their lives which lead to regret later on in life. What we do for ourselves last for awhile but what we do to other last till eternity and is forever unforgotten. Strive to assist enough other people as much as you can for your story to be in their lips forever.
Not being appreciative
Lack of showing gratitude or appreciation to those that have helped us in one way or the other could be bothersome at the end.
Feeling sad all the time
Happiness is a state of mind. The more you make yourself happy, the better you are. Feeling sad won’t help the situation, it will only compound it.
Raising voice at your loved ones all the time
Life is short, and you never really know when the last time you speak to someone you love will be. It’s these moments that really stay clear in peoples’ minds.
Not taking chances
Life is all about chances. Never miss a chance. Take a chance on something new tomorrow. Anything, big or small, just takes a chance.
To your ultimate success, MA.
Share With A Friend
Know someone who might be interested in reading this? Why not share it with them!
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Connect with me on LinkedIn.
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What to do when you have too many passions
When it comes to choosing a career, more choice isn’t always a good thing. We’re constantly told that doing what we love is the secret to a thriving career—but what happens when love comes in multiples?
If you have too many passions to count on two hands, you’re preaching to the choir. Throughout my career, I’ve wanted to do everything from running a non-profit to becoming a genetic counsellor to teaching yoga. And now? I work to help other people figure out what it is they want to do with their lives.
Along the way, I’ve learned a thing or two about dealing with too many career options. Consider the tips below to help if you’re dealing with this career conundrum.
1. Peek at the Job Market
A great first step is to do some really practical research about the career paths you’re considering. Speak to people who’ve made careers out of your passions, and ask how they did it. Find out what training is involved and how much that will cost you in both time and money. And, most importantly, start doing some early-stage job searching in your areas of passion and see what’s out there (don’t forget to look at starting pay).
This all sounds basic, but here’s a quick illustration of why it’s so important: As an undergraduate psychology major, I was obsessed with becoming a genetic counselor. I spoke to my lecturers, found the graduate program I needed to complete, and was thrilled I’d found my calling. Until a (frustratingly wise) friend suggested I see how many jobs were being advertised for genetic counselors. I spent three months looking and came up with exactly zero. In my entire country.
As I learned, it’s not enough to find the perfect job on paper—it needs to exist in the current job market. (And for the record, I still haven’t seen one of those jobs advertised.)
2. Think Long-Term
Sounds awfully unsexy, I know, but it’s also important to consider which of your passions is most compatible with your future lifestyle vision. Will you be able to find a job in a place you want to live? Will you be able to make enough money to support the kind of life you see yourself leading? If you want to start a family at some point, will your career allow for that?
When I was going through my humanitarian phase, I considered working for the Australian government. Until I found out I’d need to complete a rotational graduate program in our nation’s fine capital, Canberra. I don’t want to seem unpatriotic, but Canberra is not the type of place I want to live—not then and not now. Reaching that conclusion sooner rather than later saved me time, money, and eye-clawing boredom. And significantly narrowed my field of options (in a good way).
3. Step Into the Trenches
The idea of an epiphany—that “this is what I want to do for the rest of my life!” moment—is a myth. Clarity comes from action, not thought. Translation: Find a few simple, low-cost ways to try out some of your career options for real: volunteering, shadowing, or even doing some freelance work. Actually getting your hands dirty will give you a sense of whether you like the daily realities of the job—or just the idea of that job.
At one point, I was convinced I needed to work for a global humanitarian organization and was offered an internship at the World Health Organization headquarters in Geneva. A move to Geneva isn’t exactly simple or low-cost, so I decided to volunteer one day a week with a local NGO first.
Thank goodness I did, because I ended up hating it. Despite wearing jeans every day and starting work when I wanted, I found the work itself dry and the constraints of nonprofit operations demotivating. I loved the idea of it, but the reality was completely different. Once I got clear on that (and was okay admitting it), I felt free to move forward and find a world-changing job in an environment that truly suited my personality.
4. Hobbies are Your Savior
Here’s a newsflash—you don’t have to turn everything you love into a career or a money-spinner. And in fact, it’s better that you don’t. For example, when I was weighing up a career in instructing yoga, the low-stress chai-drenched lifestyle I imagined was a far cry from the practicalities of making a living out of my down dogs: unsociable work hours, unpredictable income, trading time and physical presence for money, and the repetition. I quickly realized that yoga was much better suited as a way to spend my time after work than as a long-term career path. And you know what? That’s just fine.
Think critically about what your passion will really look like when it’s your source of income, day in and day out. It may, in fact, be more enjoyable when you’re just doing it for yourself.
5. Remember That You May Never Choose (and That’s Okay)
So, what if you’ve gone through all of these steps, and you still have nearly a dozen career paths you’d love to pursue? Well, I’m here to tell you that having an evolving bucket list or a career path that defies logic is 100% OK. After spending years envying the neatly defined careers of my friends, I came to the better-late-than-never conclusion that I wasn’t wired that way. As a multi-passionate, I found the concept of expertise in one specific area fascinating and enviable, but I couldn’t ever see myself acquiring it. I’m woefully indecisive with a low boredom threshold. Not exactly a recipe for deliberate practice, is it?
Once I stopped fighting who I was and relaxed into the idea that different was okay, all the possibilities before me were exciting, not stressful. I love what I’m doing now, but I also know that I’ll probably have multiple careers throughout my lifetime.
Culled from Jobberman
If you have too many passions to count on two hands, you’re preaching to the choir. Throughout my career, I’ve wanted to do everything from running a non-profit to becoming a genetic counsellor to teaching yoga. And now? I work to help other people figure out what it is they want to do with their lives.
Along the way, I’ve learned a thing or two about dealing with too many career options. Consider the tips below to help if you’re dealing with this career conundrum.
1. Peek at the Job Market
A great first step is to do some really practical research about the career paths you’re considering. Speak to people who’ve made careers out of your passions, and ask how they did it. Find out what training is involved and how much that will cost you in both time and money. And, most importantly, start doing some early-stage job searching in your areas of passion and see what’s out there (don’t forget to look at starting pay).
This all sounds basic, but here’s a quick illustration of why it’s so important: As an undergraduate psychology major, I was obsessed with becoming a genetic counselor. I spoke to my lecturers, found the graduate program I needed to complete, and was thrilled I’d found my calling. Until a (frustratingly wise) friend suggested I see how many jobs were being advertised for genetic counselors. I spent three months looking and came up with exactly zero. In my entire country.
As I learned, it’s not enough to find the perfect job on paper—it needs to exist in the current job market. (And for the record, I still haven’t seen one of those jobs advertised.)
2. Think Long-Term
Sounds awfully unsexy, I know, but it’s also important to consider which of your passions is most compatible with your future lifestyle vision. Will you be able to find a job in a place you want to live? Will you be able to make enough money to support the kind of life you see yourself leading? If you want to start a family at some point, will your career allow for that?
When I was going through my humanitarian phase, I considered working for the Australian government. Until I found out I’d need to complete a rotational graduate program in our nation’s fine capital, Canberra. I don’t want to seem unpatriotic, but Canberra is not the type of place I want to live—not then and not now. Reaching that conclusion sooner rather than later saved me time, money, and eye-clawing boredom. And significantly narrowed my field of options (in a good way).
3. Step Into the Trenches
The idea of an epiphany—that “this is what I want to do for the rest of my life!” moment—is a myth. Clarity comes from action, not thought. Translation: Find a few simple, low-cost ways to try out some of your career options for real: volunteering, shadowing, or even doing some freelance work. Actually getting your hands dirty will give you a sense of whether you like the daily realities of the job—or just the idea of that job.
At one point, I was convinced I needed to work for a global humanitarian organization and was offered an internship at the World Health Organization headquarters in Geneva. A move to Geneva isn’t exactly simple or low-cost, so I decided to volunteer one day a week with a local NGO first.
Thank goodness I did, because I ended up hating it. Despite wearing jeans every day and starting work when I wanted, I found the work itself dry and the constraints of nonprofit operations demotivating. I loved the idea of it, but the reality was completely different. Once I got clear on that (and was okay admitting it), I felt free to move forward and find a world-changing job in an environment that truly suited my personality.
4. Hobbies are Your Savior
Here’s a newsflash—you don’t have to turn everything you love into a career or a money-spinner. And in fact, it’s better that you don’t. For example, when I was weighing up a career in instructing yoga, the low-stress chai-drenched lifestyle I imagined was a far cry from the practicalities of making a living out of my down dogs: unsociable work hours, unpredictable income, trading time and physical presence for money, and the repetition. I quickly realized that yoga was much better suited as a way to spend my time after work than as a long-term career path. And you know what? That’s just fine.
Think critically about what your passion will really look like when it’s your source of income, day in and day out. It may, in fact, be more enjoyable when you’re just doing it for yourself.
5. Remember That You May Never Choose (and That’s Okay)
So, what if you’ve gone through all of these steps, and you still have nearly a dozen career paths you’d love to pursue? Well, I’m here to tell you that having an evolving bucket list or a career path that defies logic is 100% OK. After spending years envying the neatly defined careers of my friends, I came to the better-late-than-never conclusion that I wasn’t wired that way. As a multi-passionate, I found the concept of expertise in one specific area fascinating and enviable, but I couldn’t ever see myself acquiring it. I’m woefully indecisive with a low boredom threshold. Not exactly a recipe for deliberate practice, is it?
Once I stopped fighting who I was and relaxed into the idea that different was okay, all the possibilities before me were exciting, not stressful. I love what I’m doing now, but I also know that I’ll probably have multiple careers throughout my lifetime.
Culled from Jobberman
Friday, 15 November 2013
THE CALENDAR.
Calendar is a special guide to live the best life, know your direction or bearing in life. Just as a map instructs the geographer or a traveller of possible directions.
You need to decide how you like to live day in and day out i.e your preferred mode of lifestyle. Design your calendar perfectly, from January 1st to December 31st of every year.
The reason why majority fail to accomplish their new year resolution is as a result of inability to design their calendar, that is, writing out exactly what they want and stick to it instead of mere pronunciation. Some people calendar are only meant for marking burial or birthday party. Not for marking something of great importance to their lives. Your perfect calendar should indicates:
1. What you would like to do in a day, week, month or during holidays.
2. Where you would like to be.
3. How much time you intend spending for relaxation in a day, week, month or year.
4. Skills you want to acquire.
5. Etc.
If you can include all these and others in your calendar, you'll definitely achieve your new year resolution or whatsoever you want to achieve without deviation. In the bible it was recorded that, "where there is no vision, the people perish." What this means is that, if you lack an exciting vision for your future, you'll perish 'inside' in terms of lacking motivation and enthusiasm for what you're doing.
Success is goals and all else is commentary. All successful people are intensely goal oriented. They know what they want and they are focused single mindedly on achieving it, every single day. Through your calendar, you can get your goals set. Your ability to set goals is the master skill of success. Your calendar is not for decoration. So get your calendar and starting planning now so as not to perish. See you at the top.
To your ultimate success, MA
You need to decide how you like to live day in and day out i.e your preferred mode of lifestyle. Design your calendar perfectly, from January 1st to December 31st of every year.
The reason why majority fail to accomplish their new year resolution is as a result of inability to design their calendar, that is, writing out exactly what they want and stick to it instead of mere pronunciation. Some people calendar are only meant for marking burial or birthday party. Not for marking something of great importance to their lives. Your perfect calendar should indicates:
1. What you would like to do in a day, week, month or during holidays.
2. Where you would like to be.
3. How much time you intend spending for relaxation in a day, week, month or year.
4. Skills you want to acquire.
5. Etc.
If you can include all these and others in your calendar, you'll definitely achieve your new year resolution or whatsoever you want to achieve without deviation. In the bible it was recorded that, "where there is no vision, the people perish." What this means is that, if you lack an exciting vision for your future, you'll perish 'inside' in terms of lacking motivation and enthusiasm for what you're doing.
Success is goals and all else is commentary. All successful people are intensely goal oriented. They know what they want and they are focused single mindedly on achieving it, every single day. Through your calendar, you can get your goals set. Your ability to set goals is the master skill of success. Your calendar is not for decoration. So get your calendar and starting planning now so as not to perish. See you at the top.
To your ultimate success, MA
Tuesday, 12 November 2013
POWER OF THOUGHTS.
Our thoughts (either negative or positive) have the power to make or mar us. We all have failed to realize that our thoughts affect us either directly or indirectly. Our attitude is a product of our thought which in turn determines our actions and our life in the same vein.
To become a man or woman of greatness, successful man or woman, live the best out of life or realize our potentials, or better still unleash the power within us, we must begin with an understanding of the thoughts running through our minds.
Here are some thoughts that do impact our lives negatively day in day out but which we take no cognisance of:
"That's impossible"
Everything was once difficult before it becomes easy. Mind you, someone has dedicated time to figure out the possibility of every events . Everything is possible to whom who say it is possible. "Possibility" is from the word "impossibility." Always have it in mind that it is possible.
"I might fail."
Failure is the highway to success. I have said it on several occasion that if you study history, you will find that all stories of success are also stories of great failures.
You might fail. Yes. But guess what there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. You will survive if you can get up and try each time you fail. One interesting fact about failure is that, it will give you the required experiences you need to do exceedingly great. Ask those on Forbes list, they'll enlighten you the more.
"I'm not ready yet, still analysing.
You were not ready yesterday, now you are in another day (today), tell me when exactly you'll be ready. Too much of analysis leads to paralysis. Life will never introduce to you that you won't be able to do. Why leaving your potential unsailed, your vision unattended to? You're ready, I know it. So start.
"I'll start tomorrow"
Will you? Why not today? Is what you want to postpone till tomorrow really important? And if it does, why can't you start right away? Don't you think tomorrow might be too late to start? FYI (For Your Information), the best day is today. I'm watching you now. Start! Your best life begins now.
"People will criticise me"
No doubt about that, people will criticise you at your worst even at the best but I want you to know that it is more to you than to them. Let criticism inspires and motivates you to give out the best in you. Every individual in life is open to one form of criticism or the other which can be constructive or destructive. Be wise.
To your ultimate success, MA.
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To become a man or woman of greatness, successful man or woman, live the best out of life or realize our potentials, or better still unleash the power within us, we must begin with an understanding of the thoughts running through our minds.
Here are some thoughts that do impact our lives negatively day in day out but which we take no cognisance of:
"That's impossible"
Everything was once difficult before it becomes easy. Mind you, someone has dedicated time to figure out the possibility of every events . Everything is possible to whom who say it is possible. "Possibility" is from the word "impossibility." Always have it in mind that it is possible.
"I might fail."
Failure is the highway to success. I have said it on several occasion that if you study history, you will find that all stories of success are also stories of great failures.
You might fail. Yes. But guess what there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. You will survive if you can get up and try each time you fail. One interesting fact about failure is that, it will give you the required experiences you need to do exceedingly great. Ask those on Forbes list, they'll enlighten you the more.
"I'm not ready yet, still analysing.
You were not ready yesterday, now you are in another day (today), tell me when exactly you'll be ready. Too much of analysis leads to paralysis. Life will never introduce to you that you won't be able to do. Why leaving your potential unsailed, your vision unattended to? You're ready, I know it. So start.
"I'll start tomorrow"
Will you? Why not today? Is what you want to postpone till tomorrow really important? And if it does, why can't you start right away? Don't you think tomorrow might be too late to start? FYI (For Your Information), the best day is today. I'm watching you now. Start! Your best life begins now.
"People will criticise me"
No doubt about that, people will criticise you at your worst even at the best but I want you to know that it is more to you than to them. Let criticism inspires and motivates you to give out the best in you. Every individual in life is open to one form of criticism or the other which can be constructive or destructive. Be wise.
To your ultimate success, MA.
Share With A Friend
Know someone who might be interested in reading this? Why not share it with them!
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Sunday, 10 November 2013
LAW OF PRACTICE.
This law states that, it is what you put into practice that you mastered or excel at. Putting something into practice involves taking a step by step approach into doing it. Here, the expression or statement, "practise makes perfect" holds true. Nothing will be achieved without a trial. We cannot reap where we did not sow. For neither God nor the spirits will grant us that favour.
Many are unsuccessful because they fail to practice what they know or try the information with them in order to perfect it or explore their world through practice. Often you hear people in this situation saying that what you're telling them is no longer new. Some will even say they've seen or heard what you're introducing to them countless number of times but......
The question then are, but what and have you tried what you've got? You see, people kill the music in them everyday as a result of not practising what they've got. Music in this sense doesn't mean R Kelly, Don Moen or Tuface Idibia songs but has to do with potential, passion, seed of greatness, the will to do and to become among other. People have preached to you about all sort of things; how to make money online legally, how to discover why you are on this planet, how to live your life to the fullest, how to be productive etc yet your life still remain the same.
To me, the man who doesn't know is better that than he who knows but fail to give a trial. He who doesn't know is not as ignorant as he who doesn't try. For instance, a man who doesn't read the articles on this blog is far better than the man who doesn't act on what he has been reading here.
If you are aware and give no trial, you'll definitely be unhappy with yourself whenever you see people flourishing with the same information at your finger tips or the seed of greatness in you or potential. Can you sing? Can you preach or teach others? Are you good in business? Can you play good football? Do you know how to make money online legally? Can you write nice and interesting articles and stories? Do you have what it takes to be a model? Do you know how to make all sorts of things for people usage? Is acting your potential? Can you make the best out of life Etc. What is holding you back from practising? Why the mere pronunciation of "I can do it" when in actual fact you're not taking actions or practising.
Practising is action oriented. When you practice, you're taking actions. The primary difference between high achievers and low achievers is "action orientation." Men and women who accomplish tremendous thing in life are intensively action oriented. You're idle but saying, "I can do all things through christ." I pity you. You'd better stop deceiving yourself. Our God is not a magician.
Don't make your life seems miserable. Try what you've got. Always bear in mind that practice makes perfect and that Rome wasn't built in a day. Just bit by bit or step by step. Swing into action. Start Practising now to become the man or woman you want to be or you have destined to be.
To your ultimate success, MA.
Share With A Friend
Know someone who might be interested in reading this? Why not share it with them!
Get Involved!
Follow me on Twitter.
Become a fan on Facebook.
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Go Mobile!
Call my direct line or ping me. Check my contact page for more info.
Many are unsuccessful because they fail to practice what they know or try the information with them in order to perfect it or explore their world through practice. Often you hear people in this situation saying that what you're telling them is no longer new. Some will even say they've seen or heard what you're introducing to them countless number of times but......
The question then are, but what and have you tried what you've got? You see, people kill the music in them everyday as a result of not practising what they've got. Music in this sense doesn't mean R Kelly, Don Moen or Tuface Idibia songs but has to do with potential, passion, seed of greatness, the will to do and to become among other. People have preached to you about all sort of things; how to make money online legally, how to discover why you are on this planet, how to live your life to the fullest, how to be productive etc yet your life still remain the same.
To me, the man who doesn't know is better that than he who knows but fail to give a trial. He who doesn't know is not as ignorant as he who doesn't try. For instance, a man who doesn't read the articles on this blog is far better than the man who doesn't act on what he has been reading here.
If you are aware and give no trial, you'll definitely be unhappy with yourself whenever you see people flourishing with the same information at your finger tips or the seed of greatness in you or potential. Can you sing? Can you preach or teach others? Are you good in business? Can you play good football? Do you know how to make money online legally? Can you write nice and interesting articles and stories? Do you have what it takes to be a model? Do you know how to make all sorts of things for people usage? Is acting your potential? Can you make the best out of life Etc. What is holding you back from practising? Why the mere pronunciation of "I can do it" when in actual fact you're not taking actions or practising.
Practising is action oriented. When you practice, you're taking actions. The primary difference between high achievers and low achievers is "action orientation." Men and women who accomplish tremendous thing in life are intensively action oriented. You're idle but saying, "I can do all things through christ." I pity you. You'd better stop deceiving yourself. Our God is not a magician.
Don't make your life seems miserable. Try what you've got. Always bear in mind that practice makes perfect and that Rome wasn't built in a day. Just bit by bit or step by step. Swing into action. Start Practising now to become the man or woman you want to be or you have destined to be.
To your ultimate success, MA.
Share With A Friend
Know someone who might be interested in reading this? Why not share it with them!
Get Involved!
Follow me on Twitter.
Become a fan on Facebook.
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Go Mobile!
Call my direct line or ping me. Check my contact page for more info.
Friday, 8 November 2013
POSSIBLE REASONS FOR RELATIONSHIP FAILURE.
In this age, no one gets into a relationship with someone to see it fall, fail and end badly. Though, there is a general consensus that some do but most don’t. Nevertheless, everyone has hopes, dreams, faith, and ambitions that the same happiness at the beginning will still be there till eternity. Unfortunately, not all relationships work out that way. The little that follow that path takes the grace of God coupled with perseverance and understanding.
Failed relationship has rendered a lot of soul useless, wandering and walking aimlessly. Some even committed suicide because of the pains, hurts they have suffered. What one started with joy has left sore in ones heart. Many time a person who has to go through a relationship break-up is caught unaware by his or her partner decision to leave without notice or with a simple but killing statement: “I’m fed up, I’m no longer interested, I think we are not compatible etc.” if you have ever found yourself in this kind of predicament (as we all do sometimes), chances are that the problem can be traced back to one or few cases which are explained as follows:
1. LACK OF TRUST
Understanding and trust is the basic foundation of every relationship. Trust is very important in a relationship. If your partner does not trust you, things will not work. Sooner or later the relationship will fail. Both the partners should trust each other completely and live peacefully. Lack of trust can harm a relationship. Not trusting him/her when you should do can be disastrous.
You see it all the time; women checking their men’s cell phone for texts, email for messages and pants pockets for unknown numbers and vice versa. Why? Because he/she wants to make sure he’s not cheating.
Why would you not trust him/her when he’s or she's given you no reason to think otherwise? If you don’t trust him or her, why stay in the relationship? Why make both of you life miserable? Learn how to trust him/her or move on because if you stay where you’re at and keep doing what you’re doing, your relationship will likely soon end anyway. No relationship will work if trust with each other is lost. We all know that trust is hard to regain again. It is not easily given to you. It is not like Mr Biggs ice cream you can get upon request. You must really persevere to get back the trust of other people. So beware.
Lack of trust in relationship occurs due to the following:
Little lies that pile up. Lies are like a cancer in the heart and soul. They eat away what is good and leave only decay and devastation behind. If you spend your life learning to lie to the people around you, not only will you hurt and deceive them, you will also hurt and deceive yourself – you will forget your own truth. Little lies that add up resulted into dishonesty and deception.
There is perhaps no phenomenon that is more destructive to a relationship than dishonesty, which permits envy, hate and deception to be acted out under the guise of love and virtue. Even the smallest, seemingly innocent dishonesty and deception eventually snowball into larger issues. Stand by the whole truth – your truth – always.
It’s always better to tell the whole truth up front. Don’t play games with the minds and hearts of others. Don’t tell half-truths and expect your friends or lover to trust you when the full truth comes out; half-truths are no better than lies.
Loads of unfulfilled promises also accounted for lack of trust. How often do you redeem your pledges or promises? Is your word your bond? Learn how to fulfill your promises. If you can't keep to it, don't make it. If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel something, MEAN IT! If you can’t, won’t and don’t, then, don't give out your words.
Rumour - In your own relationship, you believe what you hear from others than the person, you are dating, why? Because if they don't see, they won't say. If I may ask, have you done your findings? No, then, you shouldn't conclude. Listening to rumour can depreciate the trust you bestows in your partner,
Cheating - People hail you that you know to play your game well. Good of you. You are cheating on him/her secretly. Have you forgotten the African proverb, "one day for the thief and one day for the owner." Once you are caught in this act, the trust in you deteriorates.
Remember, love and friendship doesn’t hurt. Lying, deceiving, cheating and messing with people’s feelings and emotions hurts. Honesty is the healing remedy. Be trustworthy.
2. SELFISHNESS
Relationship requires a two-way communication between two persons. There is no room for selfishness and self-centeredness. You cannot be concerned on yourself only. You need to consider also the benefits of your partner.
If one person in a relationship is self-centered/selfish, the relationship will not grow. Misunderstanding will always prevail.
3. IMBALANCE OF POWER.
A common reason couples break up is when one partner has more decision-making power than the other. When one person usually makes the decisions about activities, friends, financial matters, household matters, holidays, and so on, the relationship can become unstable. If a sense of equality doesn’t exist, a failed relationship could be the end result.
4. EXCESSIVE POSSESSIVENESS
You are attracted and possessive towards your partner, very nice, but too much of possessiveness can again cause damage to your relationship leading to your partner feeling bound and commanded. It is important to realize that we all are social beings who need time for ourselves and time with our friends. You should provide ample space to your partner so that he /she feel he has not lost independence after getting into the relationship.
Being too demanding and possessive will only result to fight or even worst…separation from a relationship. Most of the young couples tend to hold their partner too tightly, that resulted to suffocation in the relationship.
Possessiveness can be as a result of Low self-esteem, insecurity, and lack of self-confidence which also destroy happy relationship.
Did you know that an over possessive and too demanding person is really irritating. It only shows how insecure one person is to another person. Why not try to be confident enough? Give your relationship enough space for breathing. At the end of the day, if someone really loves you they really love you.
By allowing a bit of independence in a relationship, we help in maintaining a healthy balance in the relation and appreciate the time that we get to spend with our partner.
5. NEGATIVITY
I have said it countless number of time that negativity breeds negativity. If you lack the belief factor in your heart that your relationship is meant to stay or last forever, it will surely collapse one day. Law of believe, which is another form of law of cause and effect states that, your belief becomes your reality. In the bible, it says according to your belief it is done unto to you. Another portion buttress it furthers that as a man thinketh in his heart, so he is. If you believe confidently and strongly enough in your relationship, no doubt you will experience the best. Through negativity, you mind is filled up with bad thought that can lead you astray. Be positive about your relationship. Stop thinking about the bad and the ugly.
6. NOT A PERFECT MATCH OR NOT MEANT TO BE.
There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life in the long-term no matter how much you want them to. It is no one's fault; some relationships simply aren't a good match (like oil and white cloth, or my mother and injection). No one is to be blamed for this. We all believe in pre-destination.
Some people pass through your life in a shorter time frame than you had hoped, to teach you things they never could have taught you if they stayed away.
Some people you engage with will be like a mirror – people who show you things that are holding you back, people who show you the ways that don’t work, people who bring your insecurities and misjudgments to your own attention so you can change your life.
It’s these people – the ones who come into your life for a short time and teach you a priceless lesson – that are some of the most important people you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you until you’re wide awake.
Do you want to live with these people in your life forever? No way – that would be way too painful! They come into your life to shake you up, tear apart your ego, flip your perspective, show you your obstacles, break your heart and mind open so new rays of light can shine in, just to reveal another layer of YOU to yourself, and then they move on like they’re supposed to.
Take their lessons as gifts and be sure you move on too.
7. PICKING FAULTS
When a person tends to be faultfinder, other person will feel that they are losers. Your lover will lose their confidence because you are always judging him/her harshly.
Whoever we spend time with will undoubtedly have faults. Successful relationships require a certain tolerance of others’ weaknesses. If we keep picking up on the faults of over people, expecting them to change, we create permanent tension. For example, your partner or friend may not share your judgment that they are faults. This does not mean we have to ignore when others do wrong things.
A strong relationship should be able to cope with constructive criticism and suggestions. However, we need to make sure we don’t become obsessed with noticing bad things. Rather than remembering all the bad things your partner does, make yourself think of some of the good things that they have been doing. Unfortunately, humans often seem attracted to noticing the faults of others, but, it doesn’t help relationships to do this. If you become too critical it will cause long term problems.
No one is essentially perfect in this world. All people have flaws and short comings. You should learn to accept the flaws of your partner otherwise the relationship will fail.
Stop finding faults and accept him or her completely. The question then is, have you ever done this? Have you got into a relationship thinking you could change him and everything would be perfect? And, how has that worked for you? No one changes unless they want to. It doesn’t matter how badly you want it, if he doesn’t then it’s not going to happen. Just accept the flaws
If you can’t accept your man or woman faults and all, then your relationship isn’t going to work. You’re never going to find the perfect man or woman because he/she doesn’t exist. You just have to find someone who’s perfect for you.
8. LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE TRUE MEANING OF LOVE
A lot of people don’t understand what true or real love is all about. They only understand love to means emotional feeling or a state of finding the perfect man or woman or the missing piece. Real love is never about ‘falling’ into anything, has nothing to do with ‘finding a soul mate or soul2soul,” and actually has less to do with ‘getting anything in particular you deem either necessary or deserving of. What most of us call ‘love’ is not love; it is a self-absorbed conditional quid pro quo where you invest something only if a return of some sort is realized on a self-determined time line according to Dr. Jay Kent. He furthered that love is actually a relational bartering system justified by our self-obsession with presumed entitlement to get needs met we ‘have a right to’, as if a relationship were some egalitarian utopia rather than the mysterious and demanding encounter, it is where you really can only expect in proportion to what you contribute, an idea foreign to most who claim to love.
Real love is not about finding the ‘right person’, it is about becoming the ‘right person’ capable of love. Soul mates are never found, they are created, by designing the conditions inside your relationship for soul mates to happen – by showing up, being fully engaged and present emotionally available, vulnerable and being known and taking risks and contributing to what is important to your partner, not just standing for what you think you are entitled to. Real love is sacrificial in nature. Both contribute their quota.
9. NOT SPENDING QUALITY TIME TOGETHER
If you want to avoid the probability of a break up in your relation, try to dedicate a reasonable time to it. Usually in our life we get so busy in our education or work life (as in my case) that we tend to find a little time to spend with our loved ones. This creeps up a sense of negligence within the partner and in absence of conversation the personal issues that need focus and discussion remain unattended and take a serious form later on. Don’t suffer because you have given your life away to your boss or academics. Also, make sure you create time when your partner is the focus of attention; do things that they enjoy doing.
Sometimes, our family and jobs have to take priority. That’s understandable. But, if you keep putting quality time together on the backburner, eventually, the flame will go out and you’ll be left with a cold, lifeless relationship.
Set aside one day a week or every two weeks where you can have quality, uninterrupted time alone together. Go to dinner. Go for a walk. Go dancing. Do anything. Just do it together.
10. LACK OF EXPRESSION/POOR COMMUNICATION
A major reason for the end of a relationship is not maintaining it with the passion it was started with. During the initial stages of the relationships there are long talks, phone calls, sudden visits, romantic dates, love letters etc which makes a person truly loved and assured that the other person really loves him/her. With time though, the initial attraction fades off, and we do not express our love as conspicuously as before though we still have the affection for our partner in our hearts.
You must do the small things that really do not take much effort but do mean a lot about your feelings. The things that remind your loved ones that they are very much desired and are well taken care of by you.
Perhaps there’s something that really bothers you about your friend or lover. Why aren’t you saying something? Are you afraid they’ll get upset? Maybe they will and maybe they won’t. Either way you need to deal with it upfront, constructively, and avoid burying it until it worsens, festers and explodes out of you.
In failed relationships, the majority of the communication that exists falls into two categories: superficial or lacking. Superficial communication is mostly noise; conversations that are unrelated to your relationship or your partner. Even worse is when communication is lacking. In these situations, you can feel the distance growing between you and your partner, the relationship slipping away slowly but steadily. The more the communication deteriorates, the harder it becomes to talk about meaningful issues.
Great communication is the cornerstone of a great relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you’re feeling jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your lover, you must communicate them clearly. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must get them out of your head and into the open so they can be worked out.
Information is the grease that keeps the engine of communication running. Always give the important people in your life the information they need to understand you. And communicate more than just problems – communicate the good things too. Share what you love about your lover. Share what is going on in your mind and heart. Share your deepest thoughts, needs, wishes, hopes and dreams.
Sometimes we expect our guys to be mind readers. This is common among the ladies. Like they should know how we feel or when something upsets us. But the truth is, they can’t read our minds any more than we can read theirs.
Even if he knows you’re upset, he isn’t necessarily going to do the girl-thing and push and prod you until you finally say what’s wrong. No, he’s likely to do the guy thing. He’s going to pretend nothing is wrong until you say it is.
If there’s something on your mind, say it. Put it out there. You can’t resolve an issue with him if he doesn’t know it exists.
11. LACK OF SELF-KNOWLEDGE.
If one or both partners aren’t in tune with their interests, needs, desires, future plans, feelings, goals, values, sexual attitudes, and preferences – then it’s difficult for them to engage in a healthy relationship. Self-knowledge helps partners communicate who they are and what they want – which can prevent the break-up of a romantic relationship. Lack of self knowledge can also be seen as lack of empathy. Empathy has to do with understanding how your partner feels at a given moment. It is also a basic necessity for relationship survival. Always try to understand your partner feelings and experiences. Have knowledge of him or her.
12. BEING MATERIALISTIC
A materialistic person becomes happy when he/she achieves or has cash/check, jewelries, clothes, bags, shoes, ETC.
Love and caring will not be enough to satisfy their longings for material items. This is one of the reasons why some relationship failed.
It is like saying that your money is not enough for him/her to stay with you forever. A relationship build on money or material possession can’t survive the test of time. Quote me anywhere, it is not a curse. Not trying to tell you, money or material possession should be out of it but each partner financial capability must be understood.
13. CONSTANT JEALOUSY
"Jealousy is cited as one of the most frequent causes of the break-up of romantic relationship," writer Roger Hock in Human Sexuality. A little jealousy in a relationship is good. It only means that you really love a person. But too much jealousy in a relationship is disastrous. It only makes you feel insecure, coward and lower your self-esteem. Jealousy is a common hub with the women. Little wonder, my mother does say if a woman is not jealous, her food won't taste good. I don't know how true this statement is because it is 'ladies thing.' But trust me. I will find out from her.
Boyfriend-girlfriend relationship always faced this kind of problem. It is not healthy. It only makes your affair weaker. So try not to be jealous excessively. Too many cooks spoil the broth.
14. GETTING TOO SERIOUS TOO QUICKLY
This one is tough because when you fall for a guy or a lady, normally you fall pretty hard. An instance of this is, you want to spend all your time together. Pretty soon, you’re thinking about being together.
While it’s great to have dreams, if you get too serious too quickly, you don’t give enough time to get to know each other. Sure, when you’re in your honeymoon phase you think your relationship can survive anything. But, if you haven’t taken the time to find out if you have the same hopes, dreams and visions of the future, reality is going to give you a pretty hard slap in the face.
The best thing you can do is take it slow. Take the time to explore what you both want out of life and see if you’re headed in the same direction. While your dreams don’t have to be exact, they at least have to be in the same ball park.
15. PAST ISSUES CONSIDERATION.
How many times have you had a fight and brought up things he did in year 2000 or otherwise? Does it get you anywhere? No? But you still keep doing it?
Here’s the problem with bringing up past issues: they’re in the past. That means that nothing can be done to change them. They’re over and done with. If you want a healthy relationship, you need to deal with things that are currently happening. Focus on today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow, but today. If there’s something that hasn’t resolved itself, it will rear its ugly head again and give you ample opportunity to deal with it. So, for now, let it go.
16. SEX
Sex can make a relationship wax stronger or otherwise, it all depends on rate and individual perspective. To some, too much of sex secure a romantic relationship while reverse is the case to other people. Considering sex as a backbone of a relationship can lead to break-up, so also leaving it out. As a speaker and researcher, I have heard, seen and read a lot about the good and bad side of sex to a relationship. A lady once told me after a seminar one day that, her man left her for another lady simply because she couldn’t satisfied his sexual need. In marriage, you must satisfy your partner sexual needs. It is all about when your partner wants it in marriage. I can’t guarantee sex as basis for genuine love in courtship due to the fact some ladies/guys are like desert. You see, in desert no amount of rain can satisfy the land. No amount of sex can make them contented.
To the ladies, assumption that giving your body to him will make him stay holds false in courtship. If it works for some, then, it is grace. How not to turn yourself into his riding horse at courtship level depends on your thinking. My simple principles are: (1) look before you leap, (2) follow your heart, and (3) make sure the coast is clear or the light turns green. But I can’t understand all what you called simple principles. Well, I don’t mean to confuse you, just want you to do some thinking about my principles.
I have heard a story in which a lady satisfied her lover sexual needs and at the end the guy eventually hooked another lady. This is not some sort of Nollywood story, it is reality. I am not here to advice you to close your legs or to keep them wide open but giving you thoughtful insight into the world of sex. I can’t dictate how you live your life. Just ponder on what you consider sensible and good for you.
17. YOU
It is now your turn. What do you think can make a relationship sour? You can leave a message. Thank you.
All the above listed factors might allow your lover or partner look for another partner or break-up with you, that is if the deed hasn’t been done. If you have experienced break-up or relationship failure, I’m pretty sure you have learnt your lesson and if you haven’t, you can fix where is leaking in your relationship. I wish you all the best in your relationship life. In other news like a musician, a relationship must help you improve as a person. It must show the world the best in you.
Do you have a nice, inspiring, motivating and empowering article that you want me to publish here in your name? Contact me on: BB PIN -2889652C OR CALL: +2348136499893, +2348156332202.
You can also send your article with your name and details to: brainardjulius@gmail.com or matthewprof31@yahoo.com or leave a comment @ www.livelifetips.blogspot.com. You can be a winner of a fantastic prize and also stand a chance to be part of my network that will be launched in 2014. Powered by……. Get to know later.
Kindly note that your story or article must have at least 20 names comment after posting to qualify.
Best regards, MA.
Failed relationship has rendered a lot of soul useless, wandering and walking aimlessly. Some even committed suicide because of the pains, hurts they have suffered. What one started with joy has left sore in ones heart. Many time a person who has to go through a relationship break-up is caught unaware by his or her partner decision to leave without notice or with a simple but killing statement: “I’m fed up, I’m no longer interested, I think we are not compatible etc.” if you have ever found yourself in this kind of predicament (as we all do sometimes), chances are that the problem can be traced back to one or few cases which are explained as follows:
1. LACK OF TRUST
Understanding and trust is the basic foundation of every relationship. Trust is very important in a relationship. If your partner does not trust you, things will not work. Sooner or later the relationship will fail. Both the partners should trust each other completely and live peacefully. Lack of trust can harm a relationship. Not trusting him/her when you should do can be disastrous.
You see it all the time; women checking their men’s cell phone for texts, email for messages and pants pockets for unknown numbers and vice versa. Why? Because he/she wants to make sure he’s not cheating.
Why would you not trust him/her when he’s or she's given you no reason to think otherwise? If you don’t trust him or her, why stay in the relationship? Why make both of you life miserable? Learn how to trust him/her or move on because if you stay where you’re at and keep doing what you’re doing, your relationship will likely soon end anyway. No relationship will work if trust with each other is lost. We all know that trust is hard to regain again. It is not easily given to you. It is not like Mr Biggs ice cream you can get upon request. You must really persevere to get back the trust of other people. So beware.
Lack of trust in relationship occurs due to the following:
Little lies that pile up. Lies are like a cancer in the heart and soul. They eat away what is good and leave only decay and devastation behind. If you spend your life learning to lie to the people around you, not only will you hurt and deceive them, you will also hurt and deceive yourself – you will forget your own truth. Little lies that add up resulted into dishonesty and deception.
There is perhaps no phenomenon that is more destructive to a relationship than dishonesty, which permits envy, hate and deception to be acted out under the guise of love and virtue. Even the smallest, seemingly innocent dishonesty and deception eventually snowball into larger issues. Stand by the whole truth – your truth – always.
It’s always better to tell the whole truth up front. Don’t play games with the minds and hearts of others. Don’t tell half-truths and expect your friends or lover to trust you when the full truth comes out; half-truths are no better than lies.
Loads of unfulfilled promises also accounted for lack of trust. How often do you redeem your pledges or promises? Is your word your bond? Learn how to fulfill your promises. If you can't keep to it, don't make it. If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel something, MEAN IT! If you can’t, won’t and don’t, then, don't give out your words.
Rumour - In your own relationship, you believe what you hear from others than the person, you are dating, why? Because if they don't see, they won't say. If I may ask, have you done your findings? No, then, you shouldn't conclude. Listening to rumour can depreciate the trust you bestows in your partner,
Cheating - People hail you that you know to play your game well. Good of you. You are cheating on him/her secretly. Have you forgotten the African proverb, "one day for the thief and one day for the owner." Once you are caught in this act, the trust in you deteriorates.
Remember, love and friendship doesn’t hurt. Lying, deceiving, cheating and messing with people’s feelings and emotions hurts. Honesty is the healing remedy. Be trustworthy.
2. SELFISHNESS
Relationship requires a two-way communication between two persons. There is no room for selfishness and self-centeredness. You cannot be concerned on yourself only. You need to consider also the benefits of your partner.
If one person in a relationship is self-centered/selfish, the relationship will not grow. Misunderstanding will always prevail.
3. IMBALANCE OF POWER.
A common reason couples break up is when one partner has more decision-making power than the other. When one person usually makes the decisions about activities, friends, financial matters, household matters, holidays, and so on, the relationship can become unstable. If a sense of equality doesn’t exist, a failed relationship could be the end result.
4. EXCESSIVE POSSESSIVENESS
You are attracted and possessive towards your partner, very nice, but too much of possessiveness can again cause damage to your relationship leading to your partner feeling bound and commanded. It is important to realize that we all are social beings who need time for ourselves and time with our friends. You should provide ample space to your partner so that he /she feel he has not lost independence after getting into the relationship.
Being too demanding and possessive will only result to fight or even worst…separation from a relationship. Most of the young couples tend to hold their partner too tightly, that resulted to suffocation in the relationship.
Possessiveness can be as a result of Low self-esteem, insecurity, and lack of self-confidence which also destroy happy relationship.
Did you know that an over possessive and too demanding person is really irritating. It only shows how insecure one person is to another person. Why not try to be confident enough? Give your relationship enough space for breathing. At the end of the day, if someone really loves you they really love you.
By allowing a bit of independence in a relationship, we help in maintaining a healthy balance in the relation and appreciate the time that we get to spend with our partner.
5. NEGATIVITY
I have said it countless number of time that negativity breeds negativity. If you lack the belief factor in your heart that your relationship is meant to stay or last forever, it will surely collapse one day. Law of believe, which is another form of law of cause and effect states that, your belief becomes your reality. In the bible, it says according to your belief it is done unto to you. Another portion buttress it furthers that as a man thinketh in his heart, so he is. If you believe confidently and strongly enough in your relationship, no doubt you will experience the best. Through negativity, you mind is filled up with bad thought that can lead you astray. Be positive about your relationship. Stop thinking about the bad and the ugly.
6. NOT A PERFECT MATCH OR NOT MEANT TO BE.
There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life in the long-term no matter how much you want them to. It is no one's fault; some relationships simply aren't a good match (like oil and white cloth, or my mother and injection). No one is to be blamed for this. We all believe in pre-destination.
Some people pass through your life in a shorter time frame than you had hoped, to teach you things they never could have taught you if they stayed away.
Some people you engage with will be like a mirror – people who show you things that are holding you back, people who show you the ways that don’t work, people who bring your insecurities and misjudgments to your own attention so you can change your life.
It’s these people – the ones who come into your life for a short time and teach you a priceless lesson – that are some of the most important people you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you until you’re wide awake.
Do you want to live with these people in your life forever? No way – that would be way too painful! They come into your life to shake you up, tear apart your ego, flip your perspective, show you your obstacles, break your heart and mind open so new rays of light can shine in, just to reveal another layer of YOU to yourself, and then they move on like they’re supposed to.
Take their lessons as gifts and be sure you move on too.
7. PICKING FAULTS
When a person tends to be faultfinder, other person will feel that they are losers. Your lover will lose their confidence because you are always judging him/her harshly.
Whoever we spend time with will undoubtedly have faults. Successful relationships require a certain tolerance of others’ weaknesses. If we keep picking up on the faults of over people, expecting them to change, we create permanent tension. For example, your partner or friend may not share your judgment that they are faults. This does not mean we have to ignore when others do wrong things.
A strong relationship should be able to cope with constructive criticism and suggestions. However, we need to make sure we don’t become obsessed with noticing bad things. Rather than remembering all the bad things your partner does, make yourself think of some of the good things that they have been doing. Unfortunately, humans often seem attracted to noticing the faults of others, but, it doesn’t help relationships to do this. If you become too critical it will cause long term problems.
No one is essentially perfect in this world. All people have flaws and short comings. You should learn to accept the flaws of your partner otherwise the relationship will fail.
Stop finding faults and accept him or her completely. The question then is, have you ever done this? Have you got into a relationship thinking you could change him and everything would be perfect? And, how has that worked for you? No one changes unless they want to. It doesn’t matter how badly you want it, if he doesn’t then it’s not going to happen. Just accept the flaws
If you can’t accept your man or woman faults and all, then your relationship isn’t going to work. You’re never going to find the perfect man or woman because he/she doesn’t exist. You just have to find someone who’s perfect for you.
8. LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE TRUE MEANING OF LOVE
A lot of people don’t understand what true or real love is all about. They only understand love to means emotional feeling or a state of finding the perfect man or woman or the missing piece. Real love is never about ‘falling’ into anything, has nothing to do with ‘finding a soul mate or soul2soul,” and actually has less to do with ‘getting anything in particular you deem either necessary or deserving of. What most of us call ‘love’ is not love; it is a self-absorbed conditional quid pro quo where you invest something only if a return of some sort is realized on a self-determined time line according to Dr. Jay Kent. He furthered that love is actually a relational bartering system justified by our self-obsession with presumed entitlement to get needs met we ‘have a right to’, as if a relationship were some egalitarian utopia rather than the mysterious and demanding encounter, it is where you really can only expect in proportion to what you contribute, an idea foreign to most who claim to love.
Real love is not about finding the ‘right person’, it is about becoming the ‘right person’ capable of love. Soul mates are never found, they are created, by designing the conditions inside your relationship for soul mates to happen – by showing up, being fully engaged and present emotionally available, vulnerable and being known and taking risks and contributing to what is important to your partner, not just standing for what you think you are entitled to. Real love is sacrificial in nature. Both contribute their quota.
9. NOT SPENDING QUALITY TIME TOGETHER
If you want to avoid the probability of a break up in your relation, try to dedicate a reasonable time to it. Usually in our life we get so busy in our education or work life (as in my case) that we tend to find a little time to spend with our loved ones. This creeps up a sense of negligence within the partner and in absence of conversation the personal issues that need focus and discussion remain unattended and take a serious form later on. Don’t suffer because you have given your life away to your boss or academics. Also, make sure you create time when your partner is the focus of attention; do things that they enjoy doing.
Sometimes, our family and jobs have to take priority. That’s understandable. But, if you keep putting quality time together on the backburner, eventually, the flame will go out and you’ll be left with a cold, lifeless relationship.
Set aside one day a week or every two weeks where you can have quality, uninterrupted time alone together. Go to dinner. Go for a walk. Go dancing. Do anything. Just do it together.
10. LACK OF EXPRESSION/POOR COMMUNICATION
A major reason for the end of a relationship is not maintaining it with the passion it was started with. During the initial stages of the relationships there are long talks, phone calls, sudden visits, romantic dates, love letters etc which makes a person truly loved and assured that the other person really loves him/her. With time though, the initial attraction fades off, and we do not express our love as conspicuously as before though we still have the affection for our partner in our hearts.
You must do the small things that really do not take much effort but do mean a lot about your feelings. The things that remind your loved ones that they are very much desired and are well taken care of by you.
Perhaps there’s something that really bothers you about your friend or lover. Why aren’t you saying something? Are you afraid they’ll get upset? Maybe they will and maybe they won’t. Either way you need to deal with it upfront, constructively, and avoid burying it until it worsens, festers and explodes out of you.
In failed relationships, the majority of the communication that exists falls into two categories: superficial or lacking. Superficial communication is mostly noise; conversations that are unrelated to your relationship or your partner. Even worse is when communication is lacking. In these situations, you can feel the distance growing between you and your partner, the relationship slipping away slowly but steadily. The more the communication deteriorates, the harder it becomes to talk about meaningful issues.
Great communication is the cornerstone of a great relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you’re feeling jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your lover, you must communicate them clearly. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must get them out of your head and into the open so they can be worked out.
Information is the grease that keeps the engine of communication running. Always give the important people in your life the information they need to understand you. And communicate more than just problems – communicate the good things too. Share what you love about your lover. Share what is going on in your mind and heart. Share your deepest thoughts, needs, wishes, hopes and dreams.
Sometimes we expect our guys to be mind readers. This is common among the ladies. Like they should know how we feel or when something upsets us. But the truth is, they can’t read our minds any more than we can read theirs.
Even if he knows you’re upset, he isn’t necessarily going to do the girl-thing and push and prod you until you finally say what’s wrong. No, he’s likely to do the guy thing. He’s going to pretend nothing is wrong until you say it is.
If there’s something on your mind, say it. Put it out there. You can’t resolve an issue with him if he doesn’t know it exists.
11. LACK OF SELF-KNOWLEDGE.
If one or both partners aren’t in tune with their interests, needs, desires, future plans, feelings, goals, values, sexual attitudes, and preferences – then it’s difficult for them to engage in a healthy relationship. Self-knowledge helps partners communicate who they are and what they want – which can prevent the break-up of a romantic relationship. Lack of self knowledge can also be seen as lack of empathy. Empathy has to do with understanding how your partner feels at a given moment. It is also a basic necessity for relationship survival. Always try to understand your partner feelings and experiences. Have knowledge of him or her.
12. BEING MATERIALISTIC
A materialistic person becomes happy when he/she achieves or has cash/check, jewelries, clothes, bags, shoes, ETC.
Love and caring will not be enough to satisfy their longings for material items. This is one of the reasons why some relationship failed.
It is like saying that your money is not enough for him/her to stay with you forever. A relationship build on money or material possession can’t survive the test of time. Quote me anywhere, it is not a curse. Not trying to tell you, money or material possession should be out of it but each partner financial capability must be understood.
13. CONSTANT JEALOUSY
"Jealousy is cited as one of the most frequent causes of the break-up of romantic relationship," writer Roger Hock in Human Sexuality. A little jealousy in a relationship is good. It only means that you really love a person. But too much jealousy in a relationship is disastrous. It only makes you feel insecure, coward and lower your self-esteem. Jealousy is a common hub with the women. Little wonder, my mother does say if a woman is not jealous, her food won't taste good. I don't know how true this statement is because it is 'ladies thing.' But trust me. I will find out from her.
Boyfriend-girlfriend relationship always faced this kind of problem. It is not healthy. It only makes your affair weaker. So try not to be jealous excessively. Too many cooks spoil the broth.
14. GETTING TOO SERIOUS TOO QUICKLY
This one is tough because when you fall for a guy or a lady, normally you fall pretty hard. An instance of this is, you want to spend all your time together. Pretty soon, you’re thinking about being together.
While it’s great to have dreams, if you get too serious too quickly, you don’t give enough time to get to know each other. Sure, when you’re in your honeymoon phase you think your relationship can survive anything. But, if you haven’t taken the time to find out if you have the same hopes, dreams and visions of the future, reality is going to give you a pretty hard slap in the face.
The best thing you can do is take it slow. Take the time to explore what you both want out of life and see if you’re headed in the same direction. While your dreams don’t have to be exact, they at least have to be in the same ball park.
15. PAST ISSUES CONSIDERATION.
How many times have you had a fight and brought up things he did in year 2000 or otherwise? Does it get you anywhere? No? But you still keep doing it?
Here’s the problem with bringing up past issues: they’re in the past. That means that nothing can be done to change them. They’re over and done with. If you want a healthy relationship, you need to deal with things that are currently happening. Focus on today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow, but today. If there’s something that hasn’t resolved itself, it will rear its ugly head again and give you ample opportunity to deal with it. So, for now, let it go.
16. SEX
Sex can make a relationship wax stronger or otherwise, it all depends on rate and individual perspective. To some, too much of sex secure a romantic relationship while reverse is the case to other people. Considering sex as a backbone of a relationship can lead to break-up, so also leaving it out. As a speaker and researcher, I have heard, seen and read a lot about the good and bad side of sex to a relationship. A lady once told me after a seminar one day that, her man left her for another lady simply because she couldn’t satisfied his sexual need. In marriage, you must satisfy your partner sexual needs. It is all about when your partner wants it in marriage. I can’t guarantee sex as basis for genuine love in courtship due to the fact some ladies/guys are like desert. You see, in desert no amount of rain can satisfy the land. No amount of sex can make them contented.
To the ladies, assumption that giving your body to him will make him stay holds false in courtship. If it works for some, then, it is grace. How not to turn yourself into his riding horse at courtship level depends on your thinking. My simple principles are: (1) look before you leap, (2) follow your heart, and (3) make sure the coast is clear or the light turns green. But I can’t understand all what you called simple principles. Well, I don’t mean to confuse you, just want you to do some thinking about my principles.
I have heard a story in which a lady satisfied her lover sexual needs and at the end the guy eventually hooked another lady. This is not some sort of Nollywood story, it is reality. I am not here to advice you to close your legs or to keep them wide open but giving you thoughtful insight into the world of sex. I can’t dictate how you live your life. Just ponder on what you consider sensible and good for you.
17. YOU
It is now your turn. What do you think can make a relationship sour? You can leave a message. Thank you.
All the above listed factors might allow your lover or partner look for another partner or break-up with you, that is if the deed hasn’t been done. If you have experienced break-up or relationship failure, I’m pretty sure you have learnt your lesson and if you haven’t, you can fix where is leaking in your relationship. I wish you all the best in your relationship life. In other news like a musician, a relationship must help you improve as a person. It must show the world the best in you.
Do you have a nice, inspiring, motivating and empowering article that you want me to publish here in your name? Contact me on: BB PIN -2889652C OR CALL: +2348136499893, +2348156332202.
You can also send your article with your name and details to: brainardjulius@gmail.com or matthewprof31@yahoo.com or leave a comment @ www.livelifetips.blogspot.com. You can be a winner of a fantastic prize and also stand a chance to be part of my network that will be launched in 2014. Powered by……. Get to know later.
Kindly note that your story or article must have at least 20 names comment after posting to qualify.
Best regards, MA.
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