WHY MEN ARE NOT RECIPROCATING THEIR LOVE TO WOMEN.

Strictly from my mail.

Question: I'm fed up with my relationship. I love my man so much but he's not reciprocating the love. Why is he doing that?

This is a sensible question that many women out there are willing to have answer to. I'm gonna answer from general perspective and that of the comedian and writer, Steve Harvey's point of view.

If there's anything I have discovered during my journey here on God's earth, it's this: (1) too many women are clueless about men, (2) men get away with a whole lot of stuff in relationships because women have never understood how men think, and (3) I've got some valuable information to change all of that.

Women have made clear that they want an even exchange with men: they want their love to be reciprocated in the same way they give it; they want their romantic lives to be as rewarding as they make them for their potential mates; they want the emotions that they turn on full blast to be met with the same intensity; and they expect the premium that they put on commitment to be equally adhered to, valued, and respected. The problem for all too many women is that they just can't get that reciprocation from men, and women then end up feeling disappointed, disenfranchised, and disillusioned by their failed relationships.

Expecting a man to respond to them the way a woman would is never going to work or happen. Why? The reason for this is that what drives men is quite different from what drives women. Here you go again, what drives men? Well, let me explain for clarity purpose.

Men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make. These three things make up the basic DNA of manhood - the three accomplishments every man must achieve before he feels like he's truly fulfilled his destiny as a man. And until he's achieved his goal in those three area, the man you're dating, committed to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you.

Think about it: from the moment a boy is born, the first thing everyone around him starts doing is telling him what he must do to be a real man. He is taught to be tough - to wrestle, get up without crying, not let anyone push him around. He is taught to be hardworking - to do chores around the house, cut the grass, and, as soon as he's old enough, get a job. He is taught to protect - to watch out for his mother and siblings, to watch over the house and the family's property. And he is especially encouraged to uphold his family name - make something of himself so that when he walks in a room, everybody is clear about who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. Each of these things is taught in preparation for one thing: manhood.

The pursuit of manhood doesn't change once a boy is grown. In fact, its only magnified. His focus has always been on, and will remain on, who he is, what he does, and how much he makes until he feels he's achieved his mission. And until he does these things, women only fit into the cracks of his life. He's not thinking about settling down, having children, building a home with anyone until he's got all three of those things in syn. I'm not saying that he has had to have made it, but at least he has to be on track to making it.

We want the bragging rights - the right to say, "I'm number one." Women don't seem to care about this much. But for us men? Its everything. You need to know this because you have to understand a man's motivation - why he's not home, why he's not calling as you want or why there is break/distance in relationship, why he spends so much time working. Because in his world, he's been judged by other men, based on who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. That affects his mood.

So if this is on his mind, and he hasn't lined up the who he is, the what he does, and the how much he makes in the way that he sees fit, he can't possibly be to you what he wants to be. Which means you can't really have the man you want. He can't sit around talking with you, or dream about marriage and family, if his mind is on how to make money, how to get a better position, how to be the kind of man he needs to be for you. It is our duty to profess, provide and protect and these become possible after achieving our target.

These facts don't always sit well with most women. It's impossible for us to focus on the two - we're just not gifted, sorry. The two include you and the prize we want to get in life. We can only have our attention to one at a time.

Mind you, a man doesn't have to be stinkly rich right now; as long as he sees his dreams being realized - the title is clear to him, his position is leading him in the direction of the place where he wants to be, and he knows the money will come - then he can rest a little easier, recognizing that he's on the verge of becoming the man he wants to be. The way you can help him get there is to help him focus on his dream, see the vision and implement the plan. Because when he reaches the level of success he's hoping to reach, he'll be a better, happier man for it - and you'll be happy too.  

In sum, not reciprocating your love comes as a result of the point raised above. Though, other reasons like having another woman or lady somewhere, fed up with the relationship etc might also be part of the game and that's if he's been reciprocating from the onset but later changed. But if he's not from the beginning, the aforementioned points are responsible. Always bear in mind that a man's love isn't like a woman's love. Don't get it confused, now - I'm not saying that we're not capable of loving. I'm just saying that a man's love is different - much more simple, direct and probably a little harder to come by. Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman's love - it's kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. I must confess you can't get it in that proportion you wish from us.


Yours,
MA.