WHY MEN ARE NOT RECIPROCATING THEIR LOVE TO WOMEN.

Strictly from my mail.

Question: I'm fed up with my relationship. I love my man so much but he's not reciprocating the love. Why is he doing that?

This is a sensible question that many women out there are willing to have answer to. I'm gonna answer from general perspective and that of the comedian and writer, Steve Harvey's point of view.

If there's anything I have discovered during my journey here on God's earth, it's this: (1) too many women are clueless about men, (2) men get away with a whole lot of stuff in relationships because women have never understood how men think, and (3) I've got some valuable information to change all of that.

Women have made clear that they want an even exchange with men: they want their love to be reciprocated in the same way they give it; they want their romantic lives to be as rewarding as they make them for their potential mates; they want the emotions that they turn on full blast to be met with the same intensity; and they expect the premium that they put on commitment to be equally adhered to, valued, and respected. The problem for all too many women is that they just can't get that reciprocation from men, and women then end up feeling disappointed, disenfranchised, and disillusioned by their failed relationships.

Expecting a man to respond to them the way a woman would is never going to work or happen. Why? The reason for this is that what drives men is quite different from what drives women. Here you go again, what drives men? Well, let me explain for clarity purpose.

Men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make. These three things make up the basic DNA of manhood - the three accomplishments every man must achieve before he feels like he's truly fulfilled his destiny as a man. And until he's achieved his goal in those three area, the man you're dating, committed to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you.

Think about it: from the moment a boy is born, the first thing everyone around him starts doing is telling him what he must do to be a real man. He is taught to be tough - to wrestle, get up without crying, not let anyone push him around. He is taught to be hardworking - to do chores around the house, cut the grass, and, as soon as he's old enough, get a job. He is taught to protect - to watch out for his mother and siblings, to watch over the house and the family's property. And he is especially encouraged to uphold his family name - make something of himself so that when he walks in a room, everybody is clear about who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. Each of these things is taught in preparation for one thing: manhood.

The pursuit of manhood doesn't change once a boy is grown. In fact, its only magnified. His focus has always been on, and will remain on, who he is, what he does, and how much he makes until he feels he's achieved his mission. And until he does these things, women only fit into the cracks of his life. He's not thinking about settling down, having children, building a home with anyone until he's got all three of those things in syn. I'm not saying that he has had to have made it, but at least he has to be on track to making it.

We want the bragging rights - the right to say, "I'm number one." Women don't seem to care about this much. But for us men? Its everything. You need to know this because you have to understand a man's motivation - why he's not home, why he's not calling as you want or why there is break/distance in relationship, why he spends so much time working. Because in his world, he's been judged by other men, based on who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. That affects his mood.

So if this is on his mind, and he hasn't lined up the who he is, the what he does, and the how much he makes in the way that he sees fit, he can't possibly be to you what he wants to be. Which means you can't really have the man you want. He can't sit around talking with you, or dream about marriage and family, if his mind is on how to make money, how to get a better position, how to be the kind of man he needs to be for you. It is our duty to profess, provide and protect and these become possible after achieving our target.

These facts don't always sit well with most women. It's impossible for us to focus on the two - we're just not gifted, sorry. The two include you and the prize we want to get in life. We can only have our attention to one at a time.

Mind you, a man doesn't have to be stinkly rich right now; as long as he sees his dreams being realized - the title is clear to him, his position is leading him in the direction of the place where he wants to be, and he knows the money will come - then he can rest a little easier, recognizing that he's on the verge of becoming the man he wants to be. The way you can help him get there is to help him focus on his dream, see the vision and implement the plan. Because when he reaches the level of success he's hoping to reach, he'll be a better, happier man for it - and you'll be happy too.  

In sum, not reciprocating your love comes as a result of the point raised above. Though, other reasons like having another woman or lady somewhere, fed up with the relationship etc might also be part of the game and that's if he's been reciprocating from the onset but later changed. But if he's not from the beginning, the aforementioned points are responsible. Always bear in mind that a man's love isn't like a woman's love. Don't get it confused, now - I'm not saying that we're not capable of loving. I'm just saying that a man's love is different - much more simple, direct and probably a little harder to come by. Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman's love - it's kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. I must confess you can't get it in that proportion you wish from us.


Yours,
MA.

9 GREAT LESSONS FROM LIFE.

Today, I’m sharing my biggest life lessons in the hope that you find something that speaks to you.

1. Your relationship with yourself is key – no man, sex, drugs, or amount of money can ever fill your true void. Nothing can fill it except you. Fill yourself up with the light of true worth, and loving and loving yourself deeply. This is key. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one, as it guides you to the kind of relationships you have with others. Love yourself up!

2. Everyone will have dark or rough times. Times that make you feel like you’re in a kind of hell. The sooner you accept that life has a death aspect to it – also known as down, depressing times and/or dark times – the sooner you will be able to ride those waves with more grace and the quicker you will be able to experience peace. It will pass, and you will be fine if you ride the wave and have faith.

3. You’re never upset for the reason you think. It’s never about the guy not calling, not being accepted by others, not getting that job. It’s always deeper. Anything that triggers us means we believe we need that to feel worthy or whole. And that is just not true! We are divine and whole and worthy without any outside validation. So we must know that with or without validation, we are worthy, whole, and divine.

4. Addictive compulsive behaviours are literally the devil. They bring out the worst in you. They lead you to some very scary places. Most of us have experienced some type of compulsive behaviour, whether love addiction, sex, addiction, alcohol, drug, food, or even addiction to negative thoughts. Know that this is not you. Learn to listen to what the root of that fear and compulsive negative behaviour is based in. Learn to nurture that root level fear. For example, if you fear being alone perhaps you seek compulsive relationships or drinking to fill the void. Instead of turning to bad habits, nurture yourself and challenge yourself to be alone. Soothe yourself through that fear. And join a support group to help you through the process. Addictions are there as opportunities to deepen our love within ourselves.

All obstacles are opportunities for more transformation and deeper self-love and worth.

5. There is a deep wise voice within – the soul voice. This voice knows and will always guide you to what is the truest truth for you. Take time to connect, to tune in, and ask that voice of love and of truth, to guide you to what is true for you.

6. Earn the blessings. Don’t choose the quick fix because that never lasts. The only way to have true lasting peace is to work on what you must work on. The only way through it is through it. Have a difficult lesson in your life? Go through the pain and trust it’s there to help you not hurt you. This way you earn the blessing.

7. When you feel that anxious anxiety, sit with it. Don’t turn to booze, a one night stand with a bad guy or girl, or over eating. Don’t do anything over that anxious feeling. Sit with the feeling and feel it. It might feel awful but avoiding it will never make it better either. Learn to soothe that anxiety with love, acceptance and positive actions. The more you choose to soothe that anxiety with love the quicker you will be released of the chains of that anxiety.

8. Self love is the most important love. This bears repeating. The more you love and accept yourself, truly take the time to be you; you will know your true needs and desires. Then you know how to better love and handle others. The relationship with you is where it all starts. Love yourself up. Choose activities that affirm your love for yourself.

9. Do the best you can – then have full faith that no matter what it will be all good!

Xoxo,
MA

25 DON'T IN A RELATIONSHIP (PART 2)

So you came back for more? Dated me and noticed I left things out? You're right!

If you missed Part 1 of 25 DON'T IN A RELATIONSHIP, check it out here.

Part 2, Game On!

14. Don’t make grandiose statements like “you always...” or “you never...”

One instance of doing something you don’t like doesn’t define your partner or his behaviour throughout your relationship.  It’s easy for us to want to lump things into patterns, but when you’ve put an issue to rest, mass generalizations open up old wounds. Treat each instance as an instance unless you’re sure you want to move on or have him think you’re a dick.

15. Don’t be passive-aggressive or aggressive-aggressive.

Adult communication requires an adult dose of introspection. Know how you feel and why you’re reacting. Sound like a pipe dream? It may not be easy in the moment, but the more you practice, the better it gets. Meditation is great for connecting you to your deeper self which is where most of our reactions come from. For example, ever notice how your partner does something small and you go from 0-60 in 3 seconds flat?

News flash: It isn’t about him being late AGAIN.
It’s about his action rubbing up against an old wound you have of not feeling respected or a story you’ve told yourself since childhood that you may be abandoned. Whatever it is, know what's your shit and what's your partner’s shit.

16. Don’t stop teaching your partner how to treat you.

You are responsible for your boundaries. This is huge: We teach people how to treat us. If your partner doesn't open the car door for you, it’s because you haven’t told him it’s important to you. When he is late and it secretly drives you nuts, it’s your job to teach him that won't fly.  Within those first few months of the relationship, your partner learns your boundaries. You can’t expect someone to observe the boundaries you don’t set.

It’s your job to remember your higher self, your needs, and communicate them appropriately.


17. Have your own life and don’t give it up as soon as you have a relationship.

You need space and you need to pursue a life outside your partner. He signed on for a partner, not a groupie.

18. Don’t guilt trip your partner for needing his own life.

Yup, the same is true for him. You have a life, so why shouldn’t he? Don't take it personally. It isn't about him not loving you.  It’s about him taking care of his needs, working on himself, and continuing to grow. Bonus: Let him miss you, it also leads to foot rubs.

19. Don’t use the relationship as an excuse not to grow.

Before dating, you had a ton of hobbies, an active social life and a self-care routine that would make a nollywood starlet jealous. So what happened? You got “comfortable.” Or maybe you started defining yourself through the relationship. Either way, you’ve lost touch with your authentic self. We are meant to evolve.  We are meant to grow.  When the relationship gets in the way of that, it’s time to re-evaluate your situation.

20. Don’t think sarcasm is a form of communication.

The latin scholar in me implores you to remember that the etymology of the word sarcasm is sarcasmos or “tearing of the flesh.” Not healthy.

21. Don’t think you’re smarter than him, even when you are.

When you are waiting for him to shut up so you can start talking again, that’s a sign that you don’t respect what he has to say. Everyone has something to offer, even the ones who aren’t as smart.

22. Don’t dominate conversations with your story and then ask him how his day was as an afterthought.

Communication is a two-way street. Many people, guys especially, need to know they have the space to communicate and share their feelings. You can’t complain that your partner doesn’t know how to communicate when you never give him the space to do so.

23. Don’t demand that he tells you what he’s thinking.

You’re not being a great communicator when you know something is wrong and you harass him into telling you. Allow him the space to process and the space to communicate. When you pester a guy into a confession, you'll usually get a war.

24. Don't call bottom.

You know what you like and you tend to have a certain routine, but it won't be long until you over play that sexual song and wind up in a rut with nothing interesting on your playlist.

25. Know yourself. Always.

Don’t lose sight of who you truly are.  You aren’t doing yourself or the relationship any favours when you don’t take the time to ground yourself. Ever notice how when a relationship ends you may have said “who have I become?” Make a meditation date with yourself every day. Staying centred becomes even more important when you’re with someone. You’ll be happier, the relationship will be stronger, and the sex will be better.

The Takeaway: All sparky advice aside, your primary relationship is the one you have with yourself. When you approach a relationship from a place of self-love, things will naturally unfold the way they are meant to.


Relationship success,
MA.

25 DON'T IN A RELATIONSHIP-PART 1

Before I give out what I have for you, let me quickly apologise for my inability to post for some months now. I'm very sorry. I'm currently serving my country through the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) scheme in Ebonyi state, Nigeria. I must confess, it has not been easy but thanks to God. Hope my apology is accepted? Thanks to you all.

As a young man who has faced and seen so many as regard relationship, I felt compelled to share my “what not to do” list as a cathartic guidebook. Here I go;

1. "Keep your past in the past" or “Shut the door before you open a new one”

However you want to say it, don’t start a new relationship until you have completely gotten over an old one. What does “getting over” an ex mean? It means you have no positive or negative emotions toward them, and the same goes for how your ex feels about you. Be clear on this if you choose to remain friends with exes, especially as you start a new relationship.

2. Don’t let your past inform your future.

My past no longer exists except in my mind, so why do I let it inform my future? Cause I can’t stand being vulnerable. Let’s look at an example, just because my ex cheated on me does not mean every other guy will. Going through someone’s phone will not prevent a partner from cheating, in fact, in ensures that he will. Creating distrust from old wounds doesn’t keep you safe, it just ensures your past will be present in your future.

3. Don’t confuse comfort for intimacy.

We’ve been together a while, so that entitles me to wear zit cream to bed, right? Not so much. I’m not saying you should be in stilettos for your entire relationship, but don’t let it all go! Generally speaking, if you wouldn’t do it in front of a stranger, don’t do it in front of your partner. When you take care of yourself, you teach your partner to do the same.

4. Know the difference between sex to fill a void and sex to communicate love.

As someone who struggled with finding happiness externally, I was never truly aware of why I craved physical affection.  Turns out that caused more harm than good. Know when you want sex and why you want it. Don’t believe that affection is going to address underlying issues.

Sex is an expression of love coming from a place of completeness, not from a place of lack.
Work your shit out with a therapist or coach, don’t do it in the bedroom.

5. Don’t always point out your partner’s flaws, you aren’t helping.

When we first start dating someone, we are in a lovey fog.  We don’t notice his flaws and when we do, we find them endearing. Eventually, for whatever reason, I felt it was my duty to help my exes improve themselves. News flash: there is more than one way to do something.

My way, though still the best way, is not the only way.
Focus on what your partner is doing right. If there is a real issue, communicate in a healthy, non nit-picky way.

6. Don’t say anything negative about your partner’s family, even when he complains.

Even when you are right. Even when they are crazy. This goes without saying, but I could have heard it more.  We all get a free pass to bitch about our family. We don’t, however, get to do the same for our partner’s. So what do you do when your spouse complains? Just listen and be present, don’t agree, don’t play devil’s advocate. Just give your spouse the space needed. Cause when that fight is over and he remembers he loves them, he won’t forget what you said. Even when you’re right.

7. Know that you’d rather be happy than be right.

This one is huge.  At some point you will come to a crossroads. You will either give in to your ego’s need to be right at whatever cost, or you can let something slide and be happy.  My advice, know the difference and choose your battles.

8. Know the difference between “space” and "not communicating."

I know I need space to process my emotions before I purge them.  I know this to the point where I abuse it.  It’s fine to take some time so that you act from a clear space without reacting in anger. It’s not fine to make your partner sleep on the couch while you pout and resent.

9. Don’t try to change your partner’s lifestyle.

If he’s a couch potato, he’s never going to be an athlete. It isn’t your job to change him. If you don’t enjoy the same activities, don’t force them on him. Know what you can accept and what you can let slide. If you’re single, know what’s important to you. Make a list of your non-negotiables and your deal-breakers. I know I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value wellness and an active lifestyle. It won’t work for me or for them.

Now, I date men for where they presently are, not for their potential or what I can change them into.

10. Don’t argue or suggest improvements in front of others.

Don’t be the nag, it isn’t sexy. Your partner feels embarrassed and you just look like a bitch. Even when it’s amusing in the moment, it goes deeper and shakes the safety and trust at the core of your relationship.  If it truly needs to be discussed, wait until you’re at home. And sober.

11. Don’t stop kissing.

It’s loving and passionate. It says hello and goodbye. Of course that initial “must-have-you-now” feeling subsides, but the kissing doesn’t have to. I usually stopped the kissing when one of us would be stressed or there was tension. I would make matters worse by not kissing. Not surprisingly, this escalated into feelings of rejection. Just kiss. Plain and simple.

12. Don’t stop having fun and trying new things.

In the beginning, it’s all new restaurants, exciting dates, and weekend trips. While this isn’t sustainable, it isn’t an excuse to get in a rut. It’s too much work to re-woo each other, so why not schedule in one exciting thing each week or each month. It can be anything from going to dinner to bungee jumping. Whatever you’re into, do it.

13. Don’t pressure your partner.

Accept his process or move on. This may be one of my historically favorite things to do. Pressuring each other about anything is a recipe for resentment, whether it’s getting him to yoga or the altar, it never yields the results you want. Worse, it makes your partner harbor negative feelings he probably won’t communicate with you.


NEWS FLASH: When you celebrate your differences and not the threat of something different, you create the space to be genuinely happy. And often, that leads to foot rubs.

To be continued.....

Yours,
MA.

61 LESSONS FOR LIVING UNREGRETTABLE LIFE.

A year ago on my birthday I wrote a post called: “27 Years, 27 Lessons.” Now, almost 4 months have passed, and I thought it was time for another reflective post.

This time, I’m going bigger in numbers but shorter in description. This list—and the 27:27 post—might be combined and broken down deeper in an upcoming book .But that’s another story. This list is a combination of lessons, tips, and truths about life, business, and travel learned through research, listening, or the hard way.

Without further ado, here’s my list of 61 Lessons For Living unregrettable Life.

1. No adult ever mentally feels grown up.

2. You will always doubt yourself, get used to it.

3.Permission has already been granted to you. You just have to take it.

4.The timing will never be as perfect as you want it to be.

5. You won’t know what you’re doing when you start doing what you think you want to do.

6. So choose to make every decision the right decision, even if something doesn’t go your way. Because success is a mindset. But success is also dangerous. The more you have, the less support people think you need.

7. There’s no such thing as making it, only making it further than where you were yesterday.

8. Starting a business means you’ll have less free time, not more. A lot less.

9. If you can’t figure out how to market yourself in this world, you’ll always be paddling upstream.Everything is selling. But now we’re selling ideas and opinions, not only gadgets.

10. Older does not equal smarter.

11. Not everyone has experience, but everyone can have initiative.The best skill to have is one that is rare and useful.

12. If you knew how much work it would take to get your dream job, most of you would run for the hills.And anyway, it’s only a “dream” job until you get it. Then it’s reality. And reality has its ups and downs.

13. You choose what kind of mood you want to be in when you wake up.

14. Don’t hang up the phone angry with your mother.

15. Foster the relationship with your siblings. You’ll live with them a lot longer than any other family member.

16. A strong handshake and solid eye contact will change your life for the better.

17. Image is everything, at first. Don’t pretend that it’s not. Being well dressed and decently groomed is a form of politeness.

18. There are no re-deals in life. The faster you accept that, the sooner you can excel at playing whatever hand you have.

19. So often, what we say inspires us also makes us feel inferior and paralyzed. The trick is to find the inspiration that stirs action. Otherwise, it’s not inspiration; it’s comparison.Aspirations are wants based heavily on outside factors. Goals are wants based solely on your efforts.

20. For all those instances you think you just can’t do it, maybe you just should do it.

21. You live up to your own expectations.

22. Ignorance is bliss, but it’s not allowed to vote. If you don’t want to be informed, don’t complain. Speaking of complaining, it’s easier than succeeding. Be careful what you whine about. Owning memories beats owning “things” every time. Except maybe if that thing reminds you of that memory every time you look at it.

23. Don’t be afraid to be broke. Be afraid to stay broke.

24. Helping others is noble, but be sure to take care of yourself too. It’s not selfish if it’s growth.

25. Embrace the suck. Your story is in the grit beneath your fingernails.Because in the end, it’ll be the stories you tell and the people you tell them to.

26. Great days = (luck) x (a bunch of average days). Let the great days take care of themselves.

27. Stress = reality not matching your expectations. It’s harder to change reality than your expectations.

28. Fear is a choice, not a mathematical constant.

29. We often don’t want to accomplish our goals; we just want to be liked by our friends.

30. Independence isn’t free. The more you have of it, the more you’re paralyzed by it.

31. Don’t change the world, change the moment.

32. Don’t strive to be the best. Strive to be your best. “The best” is insanity.

33. If you can put yourself in the shoes of an outsider, you win.

34. Passions are your selfish desires. Purpose creates value for other people. Do something for other people and figure out how to tie your passions into it. Because how you treat people is more important than what you do.

35. In fact, don’t treat others how you want to be treated, treat others how THEY want to be treated.

36. Surround yourself with people who are smarter than you. If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’ll always be that dumb.

37. Exercise. No seriously, get off your ass. But if you’re only going to the gym because your friend is going, it’s not going to work for you.

38. You are not right just because you speak. Give people a choice and a chance.

39. Follow up or die.

40. Know when to let go.

41. Keep your digital self fed, but don’t let him/her rule the show.Create more.

42. Tweet less.

43. Craft first, community second.

44. It’s not who you know. It’s who you know once you know what you need to know.

45. Emotions are contagious. You are in control of what you are spreading and what you are susceptible to.

46. Stop apologizing for not knowing. Everyone was a rookie once.

47. All that evil needs to flourish is for good people to see nothing—and get paid for it.

48. What makes people happier is other people.

49. Have longer dinners with friends.

50. Happiness isn’t reached; it’s tended to.

51. Take that trip you’ve been thinking about.

52. Partying is worth it while you’re in it, tragic when you miss it, regrettable the morning after, epic the day after that. Party your ass off every now and then, but wake up sober on Saturday more often than not.

53. There is no such thing as “the one.” You don’t have time to meet all the candidates. Marriage and commitment is not about riding off into the sunset together; it’s about jumping in a foxhole together.Ladies, you hold all the cards. Own that. Guys, less gawking at ladies, more hellos.

54. Sadly, we spend most of our time worrying about what the people who don’t ever think about us think about us.

55. Do something you hate. It’ll make you appreciate the things you love more.

56. Build something you can point at.

57. Efficiency runs businesses; inefficiency starts them.You don’t make money from a blog; you make money from a business.

58. You can’t outlogic your goals.

59. Have a hobby that entails you actually learning something new.

60. The world owes you nothing. It gave you life. Let’s consider that “paid in full.”

61. Death by research is no way to die. Start already. In five years, you’ll be wrong. Start already. Successful people finish shit. Finish already.Don’t go the extra mile until you go the last mile. Finish already.

What would you add to the list?

LAW OF SCARCITY IN ECONOMICS AS IT APPLIES TO YOU.

A man said to the Dervish : "Why do I not see you more often?" The Dervish replied, "Because the words `why have you not been to see me?' are sweeter to my ear than the words "Why have you come again?'"
Mulla Jami quoted in Idries Shalis Caravan of Dreams, 1968.

What withdraws, what becomes scarce, suddenly deserve our respect and honor. What stays too long, inundating us with it's presence, makes us disdain it. Everything in the world depends on absence and presence. A strong presence will draw power and attention to you - you shine more brightly than those around you. But a point is inevitably reached where too much presence create the opposite effect : the more you are seen and heard from, the more your value degrades. You become a habit. No matter how hard you try to be different, subtly, without knowing why, people respect you less and less. At the right moment you must learn when to withdraw yourself before they unconsciously push you away. It is a game of hide and seek. Though, at the start of an affair, you need to heighten your presence in the eyes of others. If you absent yourself too early, you may be forgotten. But once your lover's emotions are engaged, and the feeling of love has crystallized, absence inflames and excited. Giving no reason for your absence excites even more : the other person assumes he or she is at fault. While you are away, the lover's imagination takes flight, and a stimulated imagination cannot help but make love grow stronger due to a sort of aura formed around him or her. But this aura fades when you know too much - when your imagination no longer has room to roam. The loved one becomes a person like anyone else, a person whose presence is taken for granted.  This is why the 17the century French Cortesan Ninon de Lenclos advised constant feints at withdrawal from one lover's . "Love never does of starvation, " she wrote, "but often of indigestion." In love and seduction, similarly, absence is only effective once you've surrounded the other with your image, been seen by him or her everywhere. Everything must remind your lover of your presence, so that when you do choose to be away, the lover always be thinking of you, will always be seeing you in his or her mind's eye.

The moment you allow yourself to be treated like anyone else, it is too late - you are swallowed and digested. To prevent this you need to starve the other person of your presence. Force their respect by threatening them with possibility that they will lose you for good; create a pattern of absence and presence.
Once you die, everything about you will seen different. You will be surrounded by an instant aura of respect. People will remember their criticisms of you, their arguments with you, and,will be filled with regret and guilt. They are missing a presence that will never return. But you do not have to wait until you die: by completely withdrawing for a while, you create a kind of death before death - an air of resurrection will cling to you and the people will be relieved at your return.

Do not only apply the law of scarcity to your love affairs but also to your own skills. Make what you are offering the world rare and hard to find and you instantly increase it's value.

Make yourself too available and the aura of power you've created around yourself will wear away. Turn the game around: make yourself less accessible and you increases the value of your presence just like the sun. It can only be appreciated by its absence. The longer the days of rain, the more the sun is craved. But too many hot days and the sun overwhelms. Learn to keep yourself obscure and make people demand your return. Too much circulation makes the price go down: the more you're seen and heard from, the more common you appear. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity. Use absence to  create respect and esteem. But always remember, in the beginning make yourself not scarce but omnipresent. Only what is seen, appreciated, and loved will be missed in its absence. Never appear cheap.

If this article is inspiring and interesting, don't hesitate to share with friends on Facebook, whatapp, g+ BBM, Twitter and the likes. Thank you for reading.

Xo,
MA.

LETTER OF REQUEST TO GOD (PART 2)

Dear God,

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Words cannot even begin to describe the incredible ways in which you have responded to my last letter and answered my prayer.

I asked for a miracle. I asked to know you, to really know you and you have granted my wish beyond anything I could have imagined. You have shown yourself to me in the most amazing ways, revealing the magnificence of your true nature, and ours.

Since I wrote that letter, you have spoken to me loudly and clearly on numerous occasions. Something tells me you’ve been talking to me for a long time and perhaps it was my readiness to listen that made all the difference. You spoke to me through friends, through strangers, through music and words with an apropos song and a timely verse. Through little signs and messages that were unmistakably meant for my eyes and ears, and through the many offerings of my brothers and sisters who reached out to share their experiences with you and to offer a rope of rescue to a lost soul seeking to find its way home. Yes, you have communicated with me so beautifully and in such a variety of ways that I have no doubt that you are, among other things, a Great Artist.

Most of all, dear God, you spoke to me in the one place I couldn’t deny your presence…in my heart....... ChrisAssaad 

I asked for a personal, direct and intimate connection and you met me all the way. You spoke to me in a language I understand and have always known was my most immediate connection to you…love. You reminded me that you are always in my heart and that when I listen to your voice within it, I am always guided, supported and provided for. You allowed me to draw on your limitless supply of love in the face of another’s need that was much greater than my own capacity and you spoke to them through me. You rewarded my desire to be of service with courage, compassion and kindness that I didn’t know I was capable of and you showed me just how connected we all are.You spoke to me and through me and reminded me of the simple and powerful fact that in my heart, I know what is true and I always have.

 That there are certain things that are beyond knowing and understanding, but that they can always be felt in that place deep within my heart where you dwell and speak to me clearly with love.

Dear sweet God, I’m writing this letter to thank you with all my heart and soul for your love and your blessings. And to fulfill all my promise to you. I asked for a miracle and you granted me so much more. Now, I am yours. My heart belongs to you and I’m committed to giving my life and all my love to serving the purpose for which you specially created me. To be a soulful expression of your love in the world, to enjoy life wholeheartedly, and to passionately inspire others to follow their hearts home to the place within themselves where you are waiting for them.

I’m writing this letter to you and also to share the gift you have given me with others. To anyone who wants to know you or know you better, I say seek with your whole heart and you will find. Look within. Ask God to reveal himself to you and open yourself to receiving the blessing of Divine presence in and around you.

Look and listen with an open mind and an open heart and you will find everything you were looking for and more, and you will have your own miracle.

Perhaps this message coming to you in this moment can bring you one step closer to really asking and really being ready to receive the answer.

God, I’ve always believed you were real and I am so thankful to know you more intimately and to have this deep connection. I can’t wait to get to know you even better and to co-create this life together.  I am yours. I love you.

If this article is inspiring and motivating, kindly share with others.

WHY LADIES PREFER TO REMAIN SINGLE.

There have been different questions and opinion polls on why some ladies prefer to remain single. People have different opinions and reasons why they will love to be single than to be in ‘bondage’ Find below some of the reasons:

1. You get to design your living space exactly as you want it, and appreciate the serenity and freedom that comes with no one encroaching on your little bubble.

2. You get to make a list of all the things you want to do and move through them one by one without ever having to stop and ask another person if they are okay with doing it.

3. You learn what it means to define yourself as an individual, and not even tangentially as part of a unit.

4. For many things — from sleeping through the night, to feeling good about yourself, to trying new activities — you learn to rely on yourself, and to be your own support system when you need it.

5. You can go home to your family, or take a trip somewhere new, for a period of time if you need to, and not have to worry about anyone else’s life being affected by your distance. You don’t have to maintain any relationship while you are away.

6. You don’t have to take anyone’s opinion into consideration when planning a vacation.

7. Every day you live holds the potential of starting an entirely new love story — whether with a partner or a city or a book — and you never know when or where yours is going to start.

8. You can dedicate nearly all your social time to developing and enriching the friendships which sometimes fall by the wayside when you are consumed with a new relationship.

9. You can figure out the things which are important to accomplish by yourself, and work on achieving higher and higher goals on your own.

10. You can throw yourself fully into your work —even to the point that you’re not seeing your friends as frequently as you’d like to — and don’t have to worry about it coming at the cost of your relationship.

11. You don’t have to feel guilty about being the most important thing in your life.

12. In the absence of someone else’s opinion or touch or reinforcement, you can decide exactly how you feel about your own body and how you would like to improve or change it, if you’re not happy.

13. You can engage in long moments of self-care, and not have to explain to anyone why you’re upset or why you need to be by yourself for a while.

14. No one is going to take your solitude personally.

15. You get to spend extended periods of time wandering around, reading, people-watching, drinking tea, and listening to the kinds of things you think about when no one is telling you what they want to do next.

16. You can decide the things that you love about being single — the parts of you that you absolutely don’t want to disappear when you get into a relationship — and learn to set boundaries around them. You can refuse relationships that encroach on your personal time or ability to make your own choices.

17. Because of all the time you are able to spend working on your platonic or familial relationships, you realize how essential and affirming all of these different connections can be, and how much you need to care for them when you’re back into a relationship again.

18. You can take as much time as you need to lick your wounds from previous hurts or disappointments.

19. All of your energy can go towards taking care of and improving yourself, from working hard on a project to learning a new language to redoing your entire apartment, and you don’t have to reserve a designated amount of time to taking care of someone else.

20. The fear that we all live with — the fear of being alone, and that somehow denoting failure — begin to ebb as you realize that being alone can be just wonderful

From thoughtcatalogue.

HAPPY NEW MONTH

Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes you wonder what for. Sometimes when you try to get up, you fall. Sometimes the fall kills you. Sometimes you don't want to try to get up anymore. But remember, when you're down, the only way left to go is UP! Get Up. Keep believing! Fly!

Happy new month!

FEAR IS DEATH.

What one usually fears, at the root level, is a kind of death. We fear a death of a part of ourselves, the death of a job, the death of a move, and the list goes on. When we think of certain big transitional periods in our lives, we often experience a lot of change. Change invokes the lady of death, the ending of something. For example, a change usually requires some letting go of old thoughts, behaviors, people, situations, and ways of being to experience the new.The truth is that we won’t actually die, but somewhere within our psyche, we feel as though we are LITERALLY going to die. Once we get past that initial fear and insert a healthy comforting tool, we can move towards the new. We must, in turn, accept what we most fear.

Healthy Comforting Tools to Use to Accept What You Most Fear

1. Repeat to yourself. “I am experiencing some discomfort, some anxiety. I feel it in my body. I will not react to it. Instead, I will sit with it and breathe into it. I will accept it.”

2. Take a deep full breath in through your nose, making sure your belly expands on the inhale, and out through your mouth, and the belly contracts.

3. Listen to a nice mantra. I love Jai Jagdeesh “Ek Ong Kar“ on YouTube.

4. Do something positive for yourself or someone you love to distract yourself from believing or acting on the “fear of death,” so to speak. For example: do something important on your to do list, do ten jumping jacks, call someone you’ve been meaning to, like your grandparents or your accountant.

5. Ask your higher self for guidance. Instead of reacting to the fear, sit with it, close your eyes and ask your higher self for guidance and then listen to what she says.

6. Reach out for support from a trained therapist or spiritual guide.Know that once you ride through that initial fear of the unknown or fear of “death,” the new will be there and it will be okay. You will survive. You will even thrive.

Trust that, no matter what, within you lies the ability to get through anything. Trust yourself.@CosmicChristine (Click to Tweet!)

With every death, there is a birth. That is the part we often forget. We believe that a death is just a death. Well, a death is never just a death. It is always the birthing of a new beginning.

What in your life have you been fearing that is dying? Your youth? Your independence? A relationship? A job?

And what is the possible new birthing that will come of that same situation?Post in the comments below! I’m excited to read them all. And cheers to many deaths and many births!

With love.

BEHAVIORS THAT AFFECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

One thing that I have firmly come to believe is that a critical component to our success and happiness is the health of our relationships—not just intimate relationships but all the different types of relationships in our lives.
Think about it for a moment: When you are in conflict with a significant other, friend, parent, sister, co-worker, etc., doesn’t it consume a majority of your energy and mental clarity? Doesn’t it siphon a ton of energy and enthusiasm out of your day?
How often do you find yourself in these types of conflicts? I hope seldom, but sadly, as someone who consistently works with people to reach their greatest human potential, I have discovered that most people are in constant conflict with others and especially with themselves.
Exploring this topic is a book in and of itself, but I am going to keep this article simple and hopefully create a heightened awareness of behaviors that break down relationships, so then we can begin to rebuild our perception of what healthy relationships are and how they are achieved. Once they are achieved, we can thrive on a whole different level, with greater success and happiness in all aspects of life.

1. Complacency is the first saboteur I would like to explore.

Think back to the days when you first started dating someone or discovered a new friend you really enjoyed spending time with. Now think about all the effort you would make to engage in that relationship, the amount of time you would invest, the thoughtful little gestures you would do, essentially in the hopes to “win that person over” as a loyal addition to your life.
Or think about a time when you started a new job, and you thought to yourself, “This is such a great job! I love my boss and all of my co-workers.” And everyday for months, you showed up as the best version of yourself and everything was amazing.
These are primary examples of how most relationships begin, and then, complacency sets in. We become comfortable in the dynamics of those relationships.
Let me note: comfortable is a good thing, when it doesn’t lead to complacency.
Complacency is when you stop doing and/or being the person you were when you got into those relationships. That, my friends, is false advertisement. We have all done it, but I think it’s time we stop if we want to create better standards for ourselves and the health and happiness of our relationships. I find a good activator for empathy to learn in these types of situations is the good old role reversal scenario.
For example, if you started dating someone and they would always bring you flowers, which you loved, and then after they got comfortable in the relationship, they hardly ever brought flowers, you would probably get upset, right? Instead of feeling more significant as time went on in the relationship, you would probably begin to feel less significant, correct?
An interesting thought I suggest everyone ponder:
Why is it that, as we begin new relationships, we often do more or go out of our way more for people we barely know than we often do for people who are supposed to be a significant part of our lives?
I would like to challenge you to reflect on that thought and apply it to all the relationships in your life, and be honest with your contribution in complacency and commit to getting back to the “bringing flowers” mindset (metaphorically speaking, of course). Because relationships are a two-way street.
Also, reflect on how you respond when people go out of their way for you and do thoughtful things, big and small. Are you grateful? Do you openly express gratitude, show appreciation, and inspire that person to want to do more? Expressing appreciation and gratitude through actions and words is the primary way to keep from falling into the complacency trap.

2. Expectations of others

I believe the thing that causes us the most self-inflicted pain in relationships is our expectations of others. This concept took a long time for me to formalize and articulate, but once I did, it honestly set me free. Free of needless pain, stress, anxiety, and unwanted drains in my energy.
What exactly do I mean by this?

Stop expecting others to be what YOU want them to be and accept them for who they are.
@jengroover (Click to Tweet!)

I can hear egos flaring right now, but the truth is that most relationships fail because we go into them expecting others to be who we want them to be, respond the way we want them to respond, and give love the way we want to be loved, but in reality, that is impossible and, quiet honestly, unfair to the other person because that person did not share the same life experiences as you; therefore, it is impossible for them to have the exact same perspectives as you.
I think when people have a lot in common and share similar value systems, we trick ourselves into thinking the other person must think exactly the same way, and that is not realistic. Think about siblings. How many siblings do you know who are polar opposites? Lots I am sure! Siblings usually have very similar upbringings yet can see the world and function in it in totally different ways. So if that’s true, then what on earth would make you think someone who grew up in a different family or different part of the world should behave the way you would expect them? I am guilty of this, too. We all are. But once I learned how ridiculous this train of thought is, it helped increase the intimacy and compassion in all of my relationships and, more importantly, helped me teach others how to set themselves free of these relationship prisons they had created.
I will share with you an example that resonates with most people to get this concept.
A girlfriend of mine was going through a period of her life where she felt lost, and the more lost she felt, the more chronic illnesses and injuries were showing up in her life and the more miserable she became and the more difficult she was to be around. I witnessed this whole time period from beginning to end. I knew the trigger moment of this time period and pointed it out to her many times, but she didn’t want to hear it. She would ask for advice all the time, and I would give it to her, over and over and over again. The rest of the friends she was going to for advice allowed her to wallow and complain, point fingers at others for her unhappiness, and would happily participate in the complaint sessions. I live in the “drama-free zone” where I won’t participate in this behavior, so eventually I removed myself from it. Once she realized I wasn’t around anymore, she got mad at me. Very mad at me.
One night, she texted me asking for suggestions for books she should read to help guide her out of this bad place. I responded with the names of three books and a link to a mediation I thought would be good for her. A few days later, she asked me to meet her for dinner. I did.
Before she was even in her seat, she was telling me that I was the worst friend ever. She laid into me that she had texted that she was in a bad place and I didn’t respond. I said, “Not only did I respond, but I responded with the names of three books and more.” She said, “Any good friend would know to pick up the phone in that moment and call their friend!” I said, “I absolutely would not know that because, when I ask for something, I ask for what I want not for someone to read between the lines.”
How many of us have been on either side of a situation like this? Probably all of us. Before I go any further, I want to point out the projections and expectations here that are not healthy relationship behaviors.
First, she was asking me to read between her lines. She asked for one thing but EXPECTED me to read her mind and give her something else. That is unfair and manipulation of the other person.
Second, she EXPECTED that any good friend would know to call, even though she texted for a specific request. The reality was she grew up in a family/household where that was the taught behavior. Her family life was very calm, easy, loving, and supportive. I was not raised in that type of environment, and, ironically, she was reaching out to me for advice because I have different survival and coping skills. So essentially, she wanted me to think like her AND think like me. Have you ever done that to someone before?
Instead of becoming defensive for her attack, I calmly said, “I see you are in pain, and I am sorry you feel that way, but your pain has nothing to do with me, and you can project all your blame and anger on me, but that will never help you get out of the pain you are in. The truth is that your issues are yours and have nothing to do with me, and they begin with exactly the issue that was just exemplified—your expectations [and blame] of others is causing you even more pain than you are already in, and it’s getting you further from the truth of what’s really going on.”
That moment (in an abbreviated story) set her on a path to healing because I made her realize her expectations of others was her own self-inflicted pain. She “woke-up” that day, and a year later, she is a happier person with healthier, happier relationships. Notice that expectations of others is usually about expecting others to make you feel a certain way or give to you in a certain way when only we can do that for ourselves by being whole and happy within?

The bottom line is: We must appreciate people for who they are, have compassion for where they came from, and celebrate their positive attributes.

I do not believe we can change people, but I KNOW we can inspire people to awaken to see different perspectives. We can also encourage growth in others’ emotional intelligence, and we can challenge people to want more or different for their lives. However, we cannot achieve this through attacking someone else, being mad at them or judging them, or being hurt by the fact that they aren’t being what we expect. We can have a positive impact by being a model of positive behaviors and by creating loving and supportive environments even when we don’t agree with the choices the other person is making.

3. Defensive behavior

Defensiveness includes things like blaming others, always having to be right, and shutting down and emotionally withdrawing to punish the other person. This is probably the biggest offender in ruining relationships and the hardest one for people to change.
There is a famous Buddhist saying, “Would you rather be right or happy?”
It took me awhile to figure out exactly what this meant and how I could quiet down my ego enough to make this a choice in many circumstances. Once I did, it was so profound. I realized the secret to a happy life is happy relationships with depth, trust, and love. Mastering the art of empowered communication became way more important to me than “being right.”
When someone is mad at us, it’s because of “something we did to them.” Most often, we instantly become defensive—defending our position in our choices and behavior. Once this happens, a dance of defensiveness begins between two people where blaming sets in and then someone withdraws and emotionally shuts down to the other person. This withdrawing behavior is an emotional defense to remove ourselves from the situation, but more often than not, people take it a step further and withdraw as a way to punish the other person. They will withdraw love and affection and other typical behaviors to prove their unhappiness with the other person.
What most people don’t realize is these are not behaviors to get what you ideally want. Whichever side of the situation you are on, ultimately, people get mad at others because they want to be treated “better.”
Remember, “better” is relative to your own perspective; however, “better” usually means more attention, more affection, more appreciation, more consideration, etc., so when you are on the receiving end of someone being mad at you, keep this in mind.
When the other person expresses their anger and/or disappointment with you and you respond with defensiveness, you just create a bigger wall between you each and every time a situation comes up. Remember, defensiveness is like a sledgehammer on the foundation of relationships, fractionalizing trust and intimacy every single time it is used (which is typically the opposite of what either person really wants).
So what do you do when someone is “attacking” you because they are mad?
First, acknowledge that this is their cry to be treated better (as we talked about earlier, that is their expectation).
Second, take a deep breath and get calm before you reply so that you do not respond in a defensive manner. This definitely takes practice because most of us have been conditioned otherwise, but trust me when I tell you, once you master this, your relationships will be so much more rewarding and fulfilling.
Third, say something like, “I am sorry you feel that way, and that wasn’t my intention. Obviously, there is a deeper issue here that needs to be addressed, and you don’t feel I am doing [fill in the blank].” This type of approach begins to diffuse the defensiveness on both sides and can better open an opportunity for empowered communication to occur, and instead of fractionalizing trust and intimacy between two people, you will actually learn these moments can bring two people closer together (like in my example above with my friend) and increase trust and intimacy in all of your relationships.
If you feel like the one who’s been hurt, before you attack, blame, withdraw, etc., go through a series of questions in your mind.
What am I really mad at here?
What is the underlying issue?
Is this a trigger from pain I have had in the past that I am projecting on this person?
How can I express this disappointment in a way that’s effective?
As I mentioned: Ultimately, people are mad at each other because they aren’t getting what they desire from the other person or situation, but if you attack another person, you usually get the opposite of what you want and push that other person away.

Instead of being mad at someone, choose to communicate with them.

Interesting concept, right? Communicate to them how you feel without making it their fault. When you do this, people are more open to listen and take responsibility for their actions and want to compromise and understand where you are coming from. This type of communication brings people closer together and builds a greater sense of trust and openness.
Begin journaling around the relationships in your life. Evaluate the health of them and reflect as to how you can contribute more and add more value to them on a daily basis by eliminating these behaviors and committing to mastering the art of empowered communication.
It is important to note that some relationships are not repairable and are toxic—these are not the relationships I am asking you to exert more effort. As a matter of fact, these are the types of relationships that are often best to let go of so you can make space for more productive, fulfilling relationships.
The health of your relationships are the foundation to your success in every aspect of life, so make nourishing them a priority.


Thanks for reading and be sure to pass this to your friends.

Hope to hear from you about what you are passing through in your relationship life.

Your friend,
MA.

CONTEXT OF EVOLUTIONARY RELATIONSHIPS.

As you walk a spiritual path, do you ever struggle in relationships with those who are not in the same place in their personal/spiritual evolution as you might be? In his online program Integral Enlightenment, spiritual teacher Craig Hamilton breaks relationships into three categories:

1. Those who have no interest in your personal/spiritual evolution or their own
2. Those who are curious and interested in personal/spiritual evolution but who aren’t as committed as you to the spiritual path
3. Those who are totally committed to doing their own work and growing with you in an active partnership (what he calls “evolutionary relationships”)

Evolutionary Relationships

So what is an “evolutionary relationship?” Craig teaches that an evolutionary relationship need not be about romance or sex at all. In fact, that dimension can often complicate things. He says many of us have a sense that there’s a potential for an extraordinary type of human relationship, marked by an unprecedented level of intimacy, vulnerability, authenticity, and transparency—essentially being with each other without any boundaries or barriers, being together truly beyond ego. Many have sensed the potential to be in a relationship that’s always moving, not getting stuck in old patterns, but always vital, dynamic, and thriving, resisting the urge to rest on familiar, known ground.
You may have tasted this kind of dynamic in a relationship, but it’s challenging to stay on this edge, to keep moving forward without sliding into destructive patterns, which might leave you thinking this kind of relationship isn’t possible. Very few relationships will ever evolve to the third level. How will you know the people willing to go there with you? And what would a relationship like this be like?
Craig teaches us how to be proactive about cultivating such relationships. To do this requires essentially establishing a sacred contract, setting up what he calls “an evolutionary partnership,” which can be governed by the following radical principles.

Principles of an Evolutionary Partnership

1. The very context and organizing principle of the relationship is conscious evolution beyond ego.
This is the very purpose of why we’re in the relationship. Instead of organizing around comfort, survival, mutual benefit, comfort, and connection, in this kind of relationship, we explicitly commit to coming together for a higher purpose. That’s the “why” of the whole thing. We have a shared agreement for why we’re here. Instead of colluding together to protect and preserve the status quo of the relationship, we’re willing to put the relationship at risk, to constantly challenge the relationship as a way to evolve spiritually together, as a way to avoid falling into stuck, habitual patterns that lead the relationship to go to sleep.

2. We agree to be mutually accountable to something higher than ourselves.
In most conventional relationships, we’re attempting to negotiate between two people’s individual needs and desires. The personal self is the only context we have, so the relationship is the result of two isolated personal selves with their own unique agendas attempting to negotiate so they can be in relationship together without too much conflict. Typically, we ask, “What do YOU want to do? What do I want to do? What are we both willing to give up so we can meet in the middle?” But in an evolutionary relationship, our #1 priority is aligning with Divine will rather than focusing exclusively on our own personal desires or the desires of the person we’re in partnership with. When a conflict comes up, we’re interested not just in both personal points of view but in what’s the right thing to do from the highest perspective, in service to the highest good of all beings. It’s about not caring so much what you get out of the relationship or what the other person gets out of it. It’s more about a mutual seeking of truth, of what’s right and whole and aligned. We ask, instead, “What’s the right thing to do to the best that we can discern it?” This way, there is no fundamental conflict. You both want the same thing—the highest good—rather than focusing on personal desires. You’ll always find your way through when you’re genuinely prioritizing this outcome. There is no “winner” or “loser” because the highest good always wins, and you both want that.

3. We recognize that we have an ego, that we’re prone to error.
Because we acknowledge that we both have egos, we know that we are prone to misinterpretation of circumstances. I defined ego here, according to Craig’s definition, so don’t be misled by a term that often gets misused. When we both acknowledge our own egos and our potential for error, we come together with the commitment to try to see clearly, beyond the ego. This means we’re willing to call each other on unhealthy patterns and try to break those patterns. It’s an exercise in mutual humility, acknowledging that we aren’t going to do it right, that our egos are going to screw us up, but that we’re mutually committed to trying to uncover what is true, in spite of being prone to error. This way, there’s no compulsion to defend your point of view. You’re both committed to seeing what is true. It’s a radical act to be willing to stop defending your motives whenever you are challenged. Because we both have egos, we must recognize that we’re prone to distortions and be willing to acknowledge that with humility.

4. Despite the fact that we have egos and are prone to error, we want to be accountable to our potentials, to our highest and best selves.
This means that even though both parties know we are prone to errors in judgment and distortion, we’re not using that as an excuse at all. We are acknowledging that we always have a choice in the matter. Our egoic limitations are not an excuse for not showing up fully. We acknowledge that we have a right to expect this from each other, even though we have egos and tendencies for error. This only works with two people who are really committed to showing up in this way, wanting to be accountable and be held accountable. It’s not about always getting it right. We’re going to screw up. It’s not about beating each other up for our tendency to be prone to error. It’s about committing to operating at a risk-taking edge, which requires a lot of trust and commitment to mutual accountability.

5. The context for our engagement together is about leaning into our evolutionary edges, where we’re growing and evolving, sharing a mutual interest in our evolving edges.
Rather than meeting in our limitations, fears, and doubts, colluding in how we’re failing to show up to our highest potential, complaining about what doesn’t work, we take a stand for meeting in service to our highest potentials. Some relationships are based on sharing everything that’s wrong or not working or where we’re struggling or fearful. This fifth principle is about making that off limits—not that there’s no place to talk about your limitations but that the relationship is meant to lift up what’s possible rather than to devolve into a shared bitchfest that drags both parties down. The context for the engagement, therefore, is from a place of desiring to manifest our highest potential, taking a stand for one another’s higher potential, reaching for what’s possible, sharing what comes up as we awaken. It’s a positive, uplifting context for engagement, but a challenging one, because it’s a stretch and requires moving out of habitual patterns that tend to plague a lot of spiritually-minded or psychologically-minded relationships.

6. We agree to be mirrors for one another.
Rather than merely affirming each other’s self image, as most relationships operate, we agree to reflect to the other person things about who they are that might be outside of their awareness. We tend to see others more clearly than we see ourselves. As evolutionary partners, we agree to lovingly and gently, without judgment, point out blind spots in each other to help illuminate what we might not be seeing clearly in ourselves. This includes mirroring back not only negative traits—things that need to evolve—but also positive things that we may not see within ourselves. This includes mirroring back how we’re growing and where we’re making progress. We cannot only help undo negative patterns; we can also mirror back the uplifting things we may not see in ourselves. This means being willing to challenge each other’s assumptions, really striving to help each other see ourselves more clearly.

7. We aspire to set an example for one another.
We are not perfect. We are not going to always get it right. But we are aspiring to model what it means to have an evolutionary and enlightened relationship to life, stretching vulnerably into the unknown. We aspire to uplift each other through our own examples. This means radical transparency. In many close relationships, you devolve when you get comfortable. You let that person see your worst self. But in these relationships, we aspire to be our best selves, not our worst self with each other.

Are You Involved in Any Evolutionary Relationships?
What have you learned from engaging with another person in this way? What challenges have you faced? What triumphs have you experienced? Share your wisdom and stories in the comments.

CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE AS A BUSINESS.

Marriage, a concept so universal that any child, teen or adult is exceedingly familiar with it…but, until you have experienced marriage, it may be hard for you to grasp what I’m about to say.   You may be thinking “There’s no such thing as a marriage misconception!” And if you’re thinking this, then I’m afraid you’re wrong.
 
To most people marriage is considered something that you have, but in reality, marriage is something that you do, marriage is business, …it’s a “business arrangement,” and the quicker you arrive to this conclusion, the happier your marriage will be.

When you first get married, you may think it’s about “being in love,” but this is far from the truth, marriage is about running a business.    All successful marriages are about business first!   That’s not to say that you shouldn’t marry someone that you love, because you should.  However, if you don’t understand that marriage is a business arrangement first, the love that you have won’t last.  

Marriage is a business in which your spouse is your customer, and your marriage will fall apart if you don’t treat the marriage like the business that it is. You see, there are several things that you need to do if you want to run a successful marriage or business, and today I want to discuss those things.

So without further ado, let’s discuss the “9 steps of running marriage like a business.  If you follow these keys, your marriage will succeed.

1. Know Your Customer’s Expectations  The number one reason marriages fail is because of a failure to meet expectations.  Every customer has expectations!  Your chief concern is to discover those expectations, and to meet them.    Don’t wait for your spouse to tell you what their expectations are.  Ask them because they have them.  Then work to meet those expectations.  Everyone’s expectations are different, one person may expect you to work, one person may expect you to split the household chores, one person may expect you to wax your eyebrows.   The point is that your customer has expectations, and in order to succeed in marriage, you must discover those expectations and you must meet them.
2. Exceed Your Customer’s Expectations
Although it’s critical that you meet your partner’s expectations, that only gets you in the game.  To succeed you must exceed your partner’s expectations.  This is where you begin to make progress.  They may expect you to make #12,000, but you bring home #17,000.   They may expect to go on a date once a week, but you take them out twice a week.  They may expect you to get yourself ready for the next day, but you get yourself and them ready for the next day.  They may expect sex twice a week, but you give it to them five times a week (that’s what I call good customer service).  Anybody can meet their partner’s expectations; it takes a special person to exceed their partner’s expectation.  

3. Know That Your Customer is Always Right.
They say, “The Customer is Always Right,” this is as true in marriage as it is in business.  What does this mean?  It means the customer always has a voice, it means the customer will always be heard out; it means the customer’s needs are the priority and they are to well-considered.  An example: Let’s say your spouse is upset or frustrated.  Who’s right in this situation?  Is it you, because you’re not frustrated.  No, it’s the customer – the customer is always right.  And if you don’t know why the customer is right, you can just ask them.  They’re usually happy to tell you why they’re right.  Always remember that the customer comes first, take care of the customer, and the customer will take of you.  

4. Take Care of Your Responsibilities Regarding Your Customer.
Just as in business, marriage comes with responsibilities.  There are clothes to be washed, dishes to be cleaned, garbage that needs to be put out, grass that needs to be cut, repairs to be handled, money to be made, and bills to be paid. These are some very basic responsibilities within most marriages, and if these responsibilities aren’t met, there’s bound to be big trouble in paradise.  I love the quote that says, “A marriage may be made in heaven, but the maintenance has to be done here on Earth.” There are responsibilities that must be handled; love won’t handle those responsibilities, you have to. And you have to handle your responsibilities with a good attitude!  Every customer interaction must be handled with care; I’m talking about service, with a smile! …  

5. Be Aware of Changing Markets.
In business you must be aware of changing markets.  Your spouse is your target market in marriage, and their needs will most likely change over the course of your marriage.  What they liked in the 70’s, may not be what they like in the 80’s, or the 90’s, or today.  You need to stay abreast of the market as it changes, you need to hand out surveys and find out the heartbeat of the customer.  Never let changing-times make your product obsolete.  Be aware that the market will change, anticipate the change, and meet the new need.  If you do, you will always remain current to your customer.

6. Make Trade-offs with Your Customer.
If I go to the grocery story, they have bread, I have #100, and we make an exchange and everybody’s happy.  Marriage is about trade-offs, you give me what I want, I give you what you want, and round and round we go.  It’s okay to consciously plan trade-offs.  That’s how it works in business.    Maybe the trade-off is for your spouse to cook, while you clean, or maybe you work, while they take care of the house.  In business as in marriage, there are “win-win” trade-offs where both parties are happy.  You can’t be successful in the long-term if both parties don’t feel like they’re getting a good deal.

7. Be Aware of the Competition.
In business, as in marriage, there’s going to be competition.  If it’s a good business, there’s competition.  The key to success isn’t to focus on the competition, but to focus on the customer. No one should be able to treat your customer better than you can.  No one knows them better. They’ve been with you longer, and you know more about what they want, or at least you should. No one should be able to pick your “one” customer out of your hand. Be aware of the competition, but work to know your customer.

8. Have an Irreplaceable Product.
No business succeeds without a product or service that people feel is irreplaceable, and marriage is no different.  In order to have success, you must offer your customer what they can’t get from anywhere else.  Just by being with them, you have an amazing advantage in this area.  By being with them, you know exactly what their needs are, and you can offer them the products to meet those needs.   You have the products they need, you have them under contract, this gives you a large advantage towards keeping them as a customer.

9. Be Wanted.
It’s one thing to be needed; it’s something else entirely to be wanted.  The best products appeal to a customer’s emotions. They may not need the product at all, but they want the product because of the way it makes them feel. The key to being wanted is to know your customer’s expectations, and to exceed those expectations consistently. If you exceed your customer’s expectations on a daily basis, the customer will happily return everyday.
      
In closing,  if you have both parties working on these task together as a team, there’s no limit to the great things the couple can accomplish or the joy they can experience in marriage. 

To your bliss!  

Thank you for reading, and be sure to pass this article along!  

Yours truly,
MA.

SECRET OF GENEROSITY.

"The gold and silver that a man gives attract the heart of others" - MA.

Let me start today article with a brief story

It is written in the histories of the prophets that Moses was sent to Pharaoh with many miracles, honours and wonders.

Now the daily ration for Pharaoh's table was 4,000 sheep, 400 cows, 200 camels, and a corresponding amount of chickens, fish, beverages, fried meats, sweets and other things. All the people of Egypt and all his army used to eat at his table every day. For 400 years he had claimed divinity and never ceased providing this food.

When Moses prayed, saying, "O Lord, destroy Pharaoh," God answered his prayer and said, "I shall destroy him in water, and I shall bestow all his wealth and that of his soldiers on you and your peoples." Several years passed by after this promise, and Pharaoh, doomed to ruin, continued to live in all his magnificence. Moses was impatient for God to destroy Pharaoh quickly, and he could not endure to wait any longer. So he fasted for forty days and went to Mount Sinai and in his communing with God he said, "O Lord, Thou didst promise that Thou wouldst destroy Pharaoh, and still he has forsaken none of his blasphemies and pretensions. So when wilt Thou destroy him?

A voice came from the Truth saying, "O Moses, you want Me to destroy Pharaoh as quickly as possible, but a thousand times a thousand of My servants want Me never to do so, because they partake of his bounty and enjoy tranquillity under his rule. By My power I swear that as long as he provides abundant food and comfort for My creatures, I shall not destroy him."

Moses said, "Then when will thy promise be fulfilled?" God said, "My promise will be fulfilled when he withholds his provision from My creatures. If ever he begins to lessen his bounty, know that is hour is drawing near."

It chanced that one day Pharaoh said to Haman, "Moses has gathered the sons of Israel about him and is causing us disquiet. We know not what will be the issue of his affair with us. We must keep our stores full lest at any time we be without resources. So we must halve our daily rations and keep the saving in reserve." He deducted 2,000 sheep, 200 cows, and a 100 camels, and similarly every two or three days reduced the ration. Moses then knew that the promise of The Truth was near to fulfilment, for excessive economy is a sign of decline and a bad omen. The masters of the tradition say that on the day when Pharaoh was drowned only two ewes had been killed in his kitchen.

Moral of the story

Nothing is better than generosity... If a man is rich and desires, without a royal charter, to act like a lord; if he wants men to humble themselves before him, to revere him and call him lord and prince, then tell him every day to spread a table with victuals. All those who have acquired renown in the world, have gained it mainly through hospitality, while the miserly and avaricious are despised in both worlds. As you walk through 2014, be generous to experience a drastic change in all area of your life. Always bear in mind that the great man who is a miser is a great fool, and a man in high places can have no vice so harmful as avarice. A miserly man can conquer neither lands nor lordships, for he does not have a plentiful supply of friends with whom he may work his will. Whoever wants to have friends must not love his possessions but must acquire friends by means of fair gifts but not to the detriment of his life.

Thank you for reading livelifetips.blogspot.com where every articles expands your knowledge, motivates you to excellence, inspires you to succeed and increases your faith.

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Regards,

MA.